audiojunky Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I think I may need the lady's and men's perspective on this. I've been using some online dating sites to meet some new people. In the last week I've gone out on a date with two cute and interesting girls, and I'm getting the feeling that both are leading to second dates. In addition to that, I have a first meeting planned with someone I've been talking to for a little while this weekend. What I usually do in situations like this is decide to focus on one person, and when that fizzles out I'm usually back at square one... single and without a girlfriend. Neither of these girls have really indicated to me that they are looking for long-term, short-term.. etc.. the first date both of them have talked about going out of the country and traveling... (I'm starting to believe that most girls like to talk about these things even if they do want a steady long term relationship... and I kind of think that these ideas are somewhat of a front... feelings and plans can change if you really like someone.) As for myself, I do want a girlfriend leading to something long-term. Do I just keep seeing these girls until the conversation comes up with them to see what they really want? I'm a bit hesitant to pull the, "What are you looking for?" question because I'd be more happy to get to know them and just enjoy my time with them. If one of them asks me if I'm seeing someone else... what do I say? "I'd love to be exclusive with someone who also wants that.." ?? Thanks
Javelin Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 If one of them asks me if I'm seeing someone else... what do I say? Start by telling the truth, what's the point of a long-term relationship if you're already lying or bending the truth. Obviously you feel a bit uneasy dating multiple people, so why not just stick to one at a time like you usually do? Just because you've had low success rate, doesn't mean dating more than 1 will have a better outcome.
Author audiojunky Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 Actually, I don't feel uneasy about dating more than one person. There is nothing physical going on, and as far as I'm concerned if that is the case then there is no harm. It seems smart to focus on one if they are specifying some sort of aspirations that might meet my own in the future, but at this point it seems way too early to 1- ask that of someone you don't know too well and 2- put all my eggs in one basket.
dazzle22 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Yes, you need to "change up" your pitching style. It takes months to really get to know someone, beyond the initial "hormonally handicapped" stage, so I think it is important to not wade too deeply in any waters too quickly. Learn to date several people at once, just do not lead anyone on, ie. lead a girl to think that you are "exclusive". Get to know them as friends first, and see if there is a compatability that can go the distance before taking the relationship to a deeper, romantic and physical level. There is rarely any harm in taking a relationship slow, but plenty of pitfalls going too fast...
justagoodoleboy Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Honesty is the best policy my friend. you're doing nothing worng by going on dates. if they ask if you're seeing someone else...say youve been on dates with others. All your doing is out meeting people. if they cant take that, they're not for you. at this point, you're not in a relationship. they shouldnt be jealous.
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