emmaemmatt Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Hey everyone, I am relatively new to this site after a breakup in October, have been reading alot of posts and it has really helped me. Now i feel its time I actually posted something that I hope others will be able to relate to. Long story short, I was with my ex for just short of 5 years, was first serious love blah blah blah! We had our ups and downs like any other couple. However we always made up and things got better over time. We genuinely did love eachother, although we were young, and tbh that was probably part of the issue with our relationship. We have both recently graduated and started working full time so the transition from being lazy student bums to working full time hours also took there toll on how much we saw eachother and also the amount of effort we were willing to put in to the relationship. Come October, we were getting on great (so i thought) I planned a really nice day for his birthday and nothing was out of the ordinary. Fast forward a week and the man i was in love with and who i thought was madly in love with me turned around and told me that he couldn't do this any longer and needed to be single and just 'be himself'. Basically the general its not you its me speech entailed, maybe not in the exact words but same concept!!! He was upset too crying and telling me he was sorry however it was for the best, alot of tears were shed that night and to say i was shocked was an understatement, my world came crashing down and i couldn't sleep, eat or even breathe as the pain was that bad. I genuinley thought it would proabably be easier to die then live through another day without him. I cried most days and nights for weeks, probably the first 4 weeks I lost nearly a stone in weight and just couldn't function, i turned into some kind of robot just going through the motions of daily life yet not really taking anything in. To put it straight i was a complete and utter mess. I did the usual dumpee stuff that should be illegal, i.e called, text emailed sobbing my heart out, looking desperate and actually should of been sectioned lol. Spoke to the ex now and again, he would ask how i was??bit of a dumb question but i eagerly replied never the less!!! Then one day something snapped inside me, i actually realised what a complete and utter mess I was and i was actually waiting by the phone for some kind of contact from the man that had told me he didnt want me?? Its actually crazy what a person will do when they are in their heartbroken crazy state of mind. I am now nearing 3 months without him and of course I am still heartbroken, but i just wanted to share my feelings with you guys who are all going through the same thing. I know you wont believe me now but IT WILL GET EASIER....if your anything like i was 3 months ago you will be screaming at the computer screen right now saying 'yeh, yeh whatever i dont believe that' or you will be so downtrodden (like i was) that you wont want it to get better because for it to get better means you will have to move on and that just isnt an option? right>> Well wrong. Trust me girls and guys if i can do it, anyone can!!!!! I mean that......I am normally a very bubbly and outgoing person and people have always told me how much they admire my strong sense of mind and nature....so when this happened i was unrecognisable, my friends were so worried they were secretly meeting with my family to get me help!!! I am no where near completey healed, I am just feeling so much better and am in a much better place that i felt it right to share my feelings with you guys, many of whom without knowing have helped me over the last few months. Sorry if i have bored you all this turned out to be a bit longer then expected!!! p.s If you havent got it already i advise you to purchase 'its called a breakup because its broken'- best read of my life, funny too!!!! Keep smiling xxx
lostboyuk Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 It's really good to keep hearing it gets better and easier. Although for most of us still in HELL it's difficult to see. I think there is something that is completely detached floating around over my shoulder telling me I will be OK one way or the other, it's just not found it's way into my reasoning yet. I'm unsure of some of the advice I hear telling us to ignore or keep busy, I personally feel I have to go through the very worst this situation can throw at me to make sure I learn from it, sounds counterproductive and possibly a little self-defeating but nevertheless I need it for now. Not boring at all, if we were all as miserable as me on here it wouldn't help at all would it? Thank you
Author emmaemmatt Posted December 29, 2009 Author Posted December 29, 2009 It's really good to keep hearing it gets better and easier. Although for most of us still in HELL it's difficult to see. I think there is something that is completely detached floating around over my shoulder telling me I will be OK one way or the other, it's just not found it's way into my reasoning yet. I'm unsure of some of the advice I hear telling us to ignore or keep busy, I personally feel I have to go through the very worst this situation can throw at me to make sure I learn from it, sounds counterproductive and possibly a little self-defeating but nevertheless I need it for now. Not boring at all, if we were all as miserable as me on here it wouldn't help at all would it? Thank you Completely agree with you!! I didnt write my thread to be smug at all. i honestly have been there. I was in hell, but i am now on the slow and torturous path out of there, and trust me there is a path, but like you said its very true that you have to go through the very worst to feel in any way better......it also depends on the person and how well they can react to the situation. I think everyone needs some kind of catalyst to begin the rocky road back from hell and mine was realising that I have just lost 10 weeks of my life that I will never get back!
HeavenOrHell Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Yes, keeping busy all the time and never allowing yourself to grieve wouldn't be good, I'm keeping quite busy though as otherwise I would wallow all the time probably, sometimes I have to force myself to go out when I am feeling depressed. It helps to be with friends or doing something you find fulfilling. Everything pretty much lost meaning for me for quite a long time after we split, somethings I may never feel the same about. It's really good to keep hearing it gets better and easier. Although for most of us still in HELL it's difficult to see. I think there is something that is completely detached floating around over my shoulder telling me I will be OK one way or the other, it's just not found it's way into my reasoning yet. I'm unsure of some of the advice I hear telling us to ignore or keep busy, I personally feel I have to go through the very worst this situation can throw at me to make sure I learn from it, sounds counterproductive and possibly a little self-defeating but nevertheless I need it for now. Not boring at all, if we were all as miserable as me on here it wouldn't help at all would it? Thank you
trueblue72ny Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 amen sister. thats cool you shared that. i can testify also that it does get better. takes time tho. there are no shortcuts. but doing better than this time last year here.
Author emmaemmatt Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 amen sister. thats cool you shared that. i can testify also that it does get better. takes time tho. there are no shortcuts. but doing better than this time last year here. I really hope I can look back this time next year and be as positive as you ....well done for getting where you are. Im still near the gates of hell but at least im kinda through them!!!
ginyi1111 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 It is true..you will get through it. My ex broke up with me no warning no nothing. He was my first love (at 27, kinda pathetic I know) and I was totally shattered. I could hardly sleep, have to force food down my throat. At my lowest point, I was lying in bed unable to move, tears pouring down my face, physically unable to get up because I was paralyzed by the pain that I would have done anything for the pain to stop. ANYTHING. I swear if at that time I had sleeping pills or whatever I would have ended it all there and then. I hated it when my friends told me to be strong and it will get better in time. But deep down inside I didnt want to get better! I'm masochistic, I want to wallow in the pain and embrace it because I had truly loved this wonderful guy that all of a sudden decided that he didnt want to be with me anymore. BUT..it will get better. It does get better. It's only been a month..but I am slowly to pick up the pieces and peeking out shyly from the dark dark hole that I had been in. It still hurts like hell, I still wallow all the time and tearing up when listening to sad breakup songs. But you WILL come to terms with it and you have to FORCE yourself to love thy self first so that you do not need someone else to love you. So that when you lose someone, you will still have YOU. It is especially hard for dumpees to see the light because basically it is as if we have been told that we are not good enough therefore we are being dumped, but we cannot let one person define our worth in life. We all want them back because we love them so, but what is the point of pining and throwing our lives and time away over someone that has thrown us away?
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