TheWatcher Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 (edited) Guys (and women) when a woman states I need a man that's strong enough to handle me ...is your initial reaction oh no drama..moodiness Does it conjure up images of someone who flies off the handle easily,who is prone to tantrums and emotional outbursts ? If browsing personal ads...would you be put off by someone who use such a statement ? Stay clear of them ? By no means am I suggesting moodiness,drama and the propensity to throw tantrums are exclusively female traits.I'm sure many of the women on here can recall guys that would fit the bill of Drama Queen quite nicely. Ladies,if you came across a man who used claimed that he needed a woman that was strong enough to handle him would it send up a red flag ? Would it lead you to think that he could be emotionally volatile and perhaps verbally or even physically abusive ? Edited December 29, 2009 by TheWatcher
espec10001 Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I need a man/woman that's strong enough to handle me=I'm crazy
DustySaltus Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Guys (and women) when a woman states I need a man that's strong enough to handle me ...is your initial reaction oh no drama..moodiness Does it conjure up images of someone who flies off the handle easily,who is prone to tantrums and emotional outbursts ? If browsing personal ads...would you be put off by someone who use such a statement ? Stay clear of them ? By no means am I suggesting moodiness,drama and the propensity to throw tantrums are exclusively female traits.I'm sure many of the women on here can recall guys that would fit the bill of Drama Queen quite nicely. Ladies,if you came across a man who used claimed that he needed a woman that was strong enough to handle him would it send up a red flag ? Would it lead you to think that he could be emotionally volatile and perhaps verbally or even physically abusive ? Please don't tell me you're considering dating that craigslist wackjob?
theBrokenMuse Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 This is how 'some' women state that they can be a royal bitch and have no desire to change their behavior. They would much rather just find a man would will kowtow to them and put up with it.
Author TheWatcher Posted December 29, 2009 Author Posted December 29, 2009 Please don't tell me you're considering dating that craigslist wackjob? Just asking hypothetically...It's not based on an ad that I came across.
Simon Attwood Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I need a man/woman that's strong enough to handle me This to me would suggest that the man/woman considers herself strong, forceful and imposing, and believes she needs a woman/man that can handle this aspect of her personality. Projecting an external appearance of strength is usually a compensation for an inner vulnerability. This immediately indicates a powerful conflict of identity, a conflict that will inevitably be projected upon the relationship. It also suggests some form of cognitive recognition of the potential to project conflict upon the relationship, thus seeking someone that can cope with the projections. Contradictory theory might also suggest a certain narcissism; "I need someone strong so that I can break them, the stronger they are, then the stronger I must be if I can break them". Essentially a red flag to anyone except the most capable of persons.
H1N1 Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 If it were a female acquaintance of mine who casually mentioned that to me, I would have to consider it in the context of what I know about her. But when I see a physically attractive woman posting this kind of nonsense online, well, I conclude that there must be a reason why she is relegated to online dating...probably because she's a bytch who will never be able to just go out and enjoy the company of someone without over-analyzing and judging the relationship based on superficial criteria.
threebyfate Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I need a man who's strong enough to handle me and aren't the least bit repentant or ashamed of it. Dominant personality types require someone who can offset them or they'll just roll right over their partner. My H. is an ideal fit for me, in that he's solid at core and fantastic with de-escalation. He stands firm for things that matter, having strong boundaries, looks for win-win scenarios and is willing to compromise or roll over for things that don't matter. Respect is key, within a relationship.
Crusoe Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I must admit, I have always liked a volatile and fiery woman. However, I have found that the ones who say they want a man strong enough to handle them, have a worm in their head rather than a fire in their belly.
Peitho Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 It sounds awfully arrogant and self absorbed. It’s like saying ‘I need someone who can not only put up with my sh*t but I also expect him to fix all my problems.’ Definitely a red flag. Double standard maybe – but it would sound even worse if a man said that
InspiredbyYou Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 When a woman or anyone for that matter, needs someone to "handle" them they are telling you that they are irrational, unwilling to compromise and highly volatile and emotionally unstable. Basically they are telling you they are nuts. In a healthy relationship no one should have to "handle" another person. If you think about it, what does "handling" mean? A psych ward nurse handles an unruly patient, a bomb needs to be handled with care, a parent hears two children fighting and says "Ill handle this" ..handling is about having to do damage control. More often than not when a person admits they need to be handled they are saying they need someone who will adhere to their nutty whims. I would never willingly be involved with anyone who self-admittedly claimed they needed to be handled in any way. They have doctors for that!
Yamaha Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 If a women said that to me it would kill any interest I may have had in her. It would make me feel she is the man in the relationship and I either have to be a jerk and treat her with drama and disrespect or she will walk all over me.
sally4sara Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 A statement like "I need a man who is strong enough to handle me" is much like the statement "a woman should know her place". Till you know what it means to the person saying it, you are only choosing to take it how YOU think it means. If I immediately decide "a woman should know her place" means he wants a woman barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen without finding out if that is what he means - doesn't that make ME the chauvanist pig for the assumption? Maybe she is a body builder?.....you could ask without being obligated to go out with her.
BUENG1 Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Guys (and women) when a woman states I need a man that's strong enough to handle me ...is your initial reaction oh no drama..moodiness Does it conjure up images of someone who flies off the handle easily,who is prone to tantrums and emotional outbursts ? If browsing personal ads...would you be put off by someone who use such a statement ? Stay clear of them ? By no means am I suggesting moodiness,drama and the propensity to throw tantrums are exclusively female traits.I'm sure many of the women on here can recall guys that would fit the bill of Drama Queen quite nicely. Ladies,if you came across a man who used claimed that he needed a woman that was strong enough to handle him would it send up a red flag ? Would it lead you to think that he could be emotionally volatile and perhaps verbally or even physically abusive ? I don't think there is any other way to take it. Strong enough to handle what? Kindness, fun? Don't think so.
theBrokenMuse Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 A statement like "I need a man who is strong enough to handle me" is much like the statement "a woman should know her place". Till you know what it means to the person saying it, you are only choosing to take it how YOU think it means. If I immediately decide "a woman should know her place" means he wants a woman barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen without finding out if that is what he means - doesn't that make ME the chauvanist pig for the assumption? I guess we'd all be pigs then because I feel it's quite safe to say that due to common usage, that is precisely the way such a statement would be perceived by nearly everyone. There is a reason such sayings are a cliche. The person who would use a cliche in a manner that has nothing to do with it's common usage would be at fault for ineffectual communication skills should confusion arise.
sally4sara Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I guess we'd all be pigs then because I feel it's quite safe to say that due to common usage, that is precisely the way such a statement would be perceived by nearly everyone. There is a reason such sayings are a cliche. The person who would use a cliche in a manner that has nothing to do with it's common usage would be at fault for ineffectual communication skills should confusion arise. Meh, sounds like a shortcut to thinking. I ask for clarification.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I don't think there is any other way to take it. Strong enough to handle what? Kindness, fun? Don't think so. I agree. It could only have a negative connotation. By the meaning of the word "handle" alone it's safe to say it won't be something positive. You can tell someone "here's a million dollars for you to do as you please, can you handle that?" You are offering someone something perceived as positive but in asking that question you are extending your concern to the possible negatives.
theBrokenMuse Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Meh, sounds like a shortcut to thinking. I ask for clarification. It's not a short cut to thinking. Certain phrases have a common usage and if you want to use them for something totally different then you need to clarify that as you write it otherwise it will be taken at face value. It is our fault - no one else's if we fail to get across our points effectively, not the readers. People shouldn't have to ask if some obscured meaning is buried within a cliched phrase unless a writer is completely obtuse.
New_Life08 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 If a man said that to me, I would first think it was meant sexually. lol. But yeah, meant in any way it would send a red flag to me that the person expects me to put up with a lot of BS. Honestly, I would put my brakes on if a someone made a point to say that.
anne1707 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I don't want a man who is strong enough to handle me . I want one who is strong enough to match me. It should be about balance, a partnership where maybe each has their particular strengths but overall they are equal. Someone who says they need someone who is up to handling them is just trying to make out that they are something special, exceptional. Sorry but in my books, that person is just overinflated ego.
carolinawanderer Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 This is a huge turn-off for me. I do online dating, and if I see this in a girl's profile, I immediately click the "back" button. I do not want a weak woman. I want someone who stands up for herself. But, I don't want someone who presents themselves as tiring and not easily satisfied. This also makes me think the woman is into the stereotypical "alpha-male" and can't appreciate a guy with more brains than brawn. In order to feel loved, I need to make sure my partner feels loved, too. When I see a statement like that, I envision a woman that would never be able to connect me. A woman who has her own interests and is independent is fine. One who takes pride in being difficult and an engima is not. Also, I've seen that phrase used mostly by women who come across as otherwise unintelligent in their profiles. I can't stand that.
Woggle Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 It means that she wants an excuse to be as intolerable as possible and justify it by saying she is a strong woman. I suggest a man walk the other way when a woman says this.
justagoodoleboy Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 stubborn, independent, bitch....take your pick
meerkat stew Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 when a woman states I need a man that's strong enough to handle me ...is your initial reaction The first two that came to mind were both nautical: "I need a man that's strong enough to handle me... because I am the perfect storm your mother always warned you about." "I need a man that's strong enough to handle me... because I am the human equivalent of 'El Nino'." Here are some more dead giveaways that you only have to hear and ignore once and you will never ignore them again "You should probably run now." "I'm not very good with relationships." "I carry around lots of pain." "I don't deserve someone like you." "You are too good for me/I'm not good enough for you." "I tend to go crazy and alienate the people close to me every year or so." "I don't ever want to hurt you." "I'm kind of crazy if you haven't figured that out by now." And while I'm at it, be wary of people who weave lots of "therapy words" and concepts into their conversation, because therapy is usually the only thread connecting those folks' thought process to reality
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