Lost Soul Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I have recently been thru hell after being dumped by a woman I loved dearly. We tried one more time as she came home with me over Thanksgiving weekend--we had a truly wonderful time. Upon return, she asks me how I would feel if she held hands with her "Platonic" friend. Of course I said this would be completely disrespectful to me....how could she ask such an offensive question. I walked out the next morning pushing her away from me as she clung to me with her arms wrapped around me. Eventually she simply turned her back and waited for the door to close. I remember this event so clearly that it will be with me for the rest of my life. I am in agony but have been in complete NC.....until she emailed me at 7:30pm on XMAS eve. Apparently she was alone? Her email said, "my dear xxxxxx" How are you? Did you travel to see your family again like TG? Hope all is well with you and your family. Regards. I have not responded but this has upset me greatly and set me back. all thoughts welcome
xoxo88 Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 You can reply back with some plain holiday wishes and ask her as neutral and politely possible what is it with that e-mail. Or simply not respond if you don't want to but you're gonna have to suck it up and just endure the doubt if you choose this.
GrayClouds Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I have recently been thru hell after being dumped by a woman I loved dearly. We tried one more time as she came home with me over Thanksgiving weekend--we had a truly wonderful time. Upon return, she asks me how I would feel if she held hands with her "Platonic" friend. Of course I said this would be completely disrespectful to me....how could she ask such an offensive question. I walked out the next morning pushing her away from me as she clung to me with her arms wrapped around me. Eventually she simply turned her back and waited for the door to close. I remember this event so clearly that it will be with me for the rest of my life. I am in agony but have been in complete NC.....until she emailed me at 7:30pm on XMAS eve. Apparently she was alone? Her email said, "my dear xxxxxx" How are you? Did you travel to see your family again like TG? Hope all is well with you and your family. Regards. I have not responded but this has upset me greatly and set me back. all thoughts welcome If NC is working and helping you move on, then keep it up. Unless she is pounding down your door and hand and knees, she offering breadcrumbs and you deserve more.
TaraMaiden Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I'd actually simply reply with; "Please don't ever contact me again." Press send, and forget it. Don't let it set you back. Do not permit her to manipulate you at a distance.... You let her do it...so just don't allow it.
Author Lost Soul Posted December 29, 2009 Author Posted December 29, 2009 Thanks, I admit that I do have hope that we can eventually be together, but my feeling is that she will have to do much more than a short email to reel me back in. At this point I do not trust her, so that is providing me some strength to stand my ground. if she really wants me back she will have to earn it....and I do not plan to make it easy. Of course, I am suffering greatly and having difficulty getting her out of my head. I resent this intrusion for no apparent reason.
GrayClouds Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Thanks, I admit that I do have hope that we can eventually be together, but my feeling is that she will have to do much more than a short email to reel me back in. At this point I do not trust her, so that is providing me some strength to stand my ground. if she really wants me back she will have to earn it....and I do not plan to make it easy. Of course, I am suffering greatly and having difficulty getting her out of my head. I resent this intrusion for no apparent reason. Like her wanting to hold hand with her "friend", this email suggest she has little real respect for you. It is understandable why you do not trust her. So when you do say you have hope, it is good to see that part of that hope is for a person who is so willing to disrespect you. It is important to be aware that these action illustrate the person she is, it likely behavior you overlooked before because you were wearing the rose color glasses of love. It is also important to be aware that this person behaviors will likely not change in the future and will be almost impossible to ignore them. Hang in there and take care of yourself.
nobmagnet Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 stay NC The initial question she asked was a veiled "im thinking of having an affaire how would you feel?" err HELLO........RED FLAG you did the right thing and you strenth so far is fantastic. Let her crawl and beg. It should be on the front page of stupid things they say! xx
Author Lost Soul Posted December 29, 2009 Author Posted December 29, 2009 Like her wanting to hold hand with her "friend", this email suggest she has little real respect for you. It is understandable why you do not trust her. So when you do say you have hope, it is good to see that part of that hope is for a person who is so willing to disrespect you. It is important to be aware that these action illustrate the person she is, it likely behavior you overlooked before because you were wearing the rose color glasses of love. It is also important to be aware that this person behaviors will likely not change in the future and will be almost impossible to ignore them. Hang in there and take care of yourself. Thank you Gray Cloud, I believe you hit the nail on the head.....it is about respect. All relationships are built on trust, which is earned through honesty and respect. She knew that holding hands with another is a ridiculous question to ask.....why would someone ask such a question? Why not just say "I want out" and be honest about it? I think this is cowardly and very disrespectful, and adds much to my pain over losing her.
GrayClouds Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Thank you Gray Cloud, I believe you hit the nail on the head.....it is about respect. All relationships are built on trust, which is earned through honesty and respect. She knew that holding hands with another is a ridiculous question to ask.....why would someone ask such a question? Why not just say "I want out" and be honest about it? I think this is cowardly and very disrespectful, and adds much to my pain over losing her. It adds to your strength to get over the break-up. Understand her behavior reflects the type of person she is not the type of person you are. If you have not yet read the following to help you heal: The No Contact Guide So you want a second chance? Knowing you deserve better is a great first step.
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