Toodamnpragmatic Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Every post seems to have the same theme..... Women cheat for a myriad of reasons, usually it is because they have "fallen out of love" or need that Emotional connection missing from their spouse. Sex is seldom mentioned. As for men cheating (or having affairs)..... Is it not almost always about sex???? Yes some men are serial cheaters and they are beyond repair..... What I am asking is why is it so simple to point to what is wrong in the marriage where the male cheats, yet so friggin difficult when a female cheats????
Blindsidedagainalive Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Woman cheat for the same reasons men do. It is not socially sanctioned for women to be sexually driven, so cheating is blamed on other reasons. Often the cheating wife will frame the affair this way "I ALLOWED the OM to have sex with me to feel wanted, needed, attractive. I could actually believe this if the woman had and EA but stopped before a PA. Simply because that need to feel wanted, needed, or attractive would have been satisfied prior to sexual intercourse. Really, when we break down sex for a committed couple, isn't sex a lot about feeling wanted, needed, and attractive anyway? If woman are the more emotionally intuitive, then they would have actually better insight into the motives of male affair partner. Woman KNOW what they are getting into......perhaps even more than men. The naive game is played with the OM, as though they don't know where it is going. Even as they are laying in a bed together. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? Men feel wanted and attractive from sex like woman do. On average, men may be more sexually driven......true....and women know this...
eeyore1981 Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Every post seems to have the same theme..... Women cheat for a myriad of reasons, usually it is because they have "fallen out of love" or need that Emotional connection missing from their spouse. Sex is seldom mentioned. As for men cheating (or having affairs)..... Is it not almost always about sex???? Yes some men are serial cheaters and they are beyond repair..... What I am asking is why is it so simple to point to what is wrong in the marriage where the male cheats, yet so friggin difficult when a female cheats???? You have to look past the generalizations. I don't think it is simple for either sex. My H had an affair. If, and that's a big IF, he is telling the truth, there was no sex, and his affair lasted about a year. He says he did it because she made him feel good and made him feel important and made him feel cared about. Poor baby didn't think I loved him anymore. I don't know how useful this info is, as this is my opinion only with not a lot to back it up, but I am kind of an intense person. If someone is talking to me, I listen, I focus on them, and I care about what they have to say. People have told me most of my life I am easy to talk to and they always feel comforted after coming to me, and I also see a lot of that in one of my children. There have been a lot of guys who have seemed to become attracted to me after spending a little bit of time with me, and while I think they would probably have sex with me if I was willing, the vibe I get is more of a crush or infatuation with me on an emotional level. So, again, my opinion only based on my life experiences, I just get the impression a lot of men need outside validation in the form of feeling understood and not judged.
angie2443 Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Woman cheat for the same reasons men do. It is not socially sanctioned for women to be sexually driven, so cheating is blamed on other reasons. Often the cheating wife will frame the affair this way "I ALLOWED the OM to have sex with me to feel wanted, needed, attractive. I could actually believe this if the woman had and EA but stopped before a PA. Simply because that need to feel wanted, needed, or attractive would have been satisfied prior to sexual intercourse. Really, when we break down sex for a committed couple, isn't sex a lot about feeling wanted, needed, and attractive anyway? If woman are the more emotionally intuitive, then they would have actually better insight into the motives of male affair partner. Woman KNOW what they are getting into......perhaps even more than men. The naive game is played with the OM, as though they don't know where it is going. Even as they are laying in a bed together. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? Men feel wanted and attractive from sex like woman do. On average, men may be more sexually driven......true....and women know this... I agree with this post, especially the bolded part. Men are sexual. Woman are sexual. Men have emotional needs. Women have emotional needs. Most who cheat, cheat for both parts.
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted December 29, 2009 Author Posted December 29, 2009 (edited) I agree with this post, especially the bolded part. Men are sexual. Woman are sexual. Men have emotional needs. Women have emotional needs. Most who cheat, cheat for both parts. It is because men complain in general they do not get enough sex at home (or their wife is not interested in variety, usually after asking for it). I could refine the question, as I do know females will argue vociferously that I am wrong and it is about sex...... I disagree.... Sure some women do it for sex, but it is about a whole lot more also. Men want to feel wanted, yes you are right, but eventually it comes down to wanting sex and usually wanting more of it and variety........ Edited December 29, 2009 by Toodamnpragmatic
Blindsidedagainalive Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Yes, generally speaking, men need to get off more than woman. Men masturbate more often than woman do. Unattached men jerk off MUCH more often than unattached woman. Woman often feel LESS sexual when they do not have a partner. Men wax their carrots incessantly when they do not have a partner. Look at it this way though....men bond via sex. If a woman has sex with us, it makes us feel wanted. Before men have a sexual act, they are generally more driven. When we actually HAVE sex, WOMAN become more sexual, and men become more emotional. The dynamic shifts a bit. As a betrayed man, I think about sex with other woman now......and I can assure you.....it's more about being wanted than anything else. To know if woman desire me. To feel attractive and sexually apt.
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted December 29, 2009 Author Posted December 29, 2009 Yes, generally speaking, men need to get off more than woman. Men masturbate more often than woman do. Unattached men jerk off MUCH more often than unattached woman. Woman often feel LESS sexual when they do not have a partner. Men wax their carrots incessantly when they do not have a partner. Look at it this way though....men bond via sex. If a woman has sex with us, it makes us feel wanted. Before men have a sexual act, they are generally more driven. When we actually HAVE sex, WOMAN become more sexual, and men become more emotional. The dynamic shifts a bit. As a betrayed man, I think about sex with other woman now......and I can assure you.....it's more about being wanted than anything else. To know if woman desire me. To feel attractive and sexually apt. And that means having sex..... A wife can tell you she loves you over and over...... But if she does not want to have sex, well that speaks volumes to a male (right or wrong).....
angie2443 Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 It is because men complain in general they do not get enough sex at home (or their wife is not interested in variety, usually after asking for it). I could refine the question, as I do know females will argue vociferously that I am wrong and it is about sex...... I disagree.... Sure some women do it for sex, but it is about a whole lot more also. Men want to feel wanted, yes you are right, but eventually it comes down to wanting sex and usually wanting more of it and variety........ Could you give some examples of "variety". Differant people can have differant ideas about what this word means in regards to sex. Otherwise, if it were all about sex for men, they could rent a prostitute. They could finish their business in 5 or 10 minutes and be done with it. If it were all about emotions for woman, they could develope this really close friendship with another woman and emote with each other for hours on end. This is rarely what we see played on these boards and IRL.
Natureofbeast Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 "Otherwise, if it were all about sex for men, they could rent a prostitute." I disagree with this statement. Some men would never drop a dime on a prostitute because of the unseemingly stereotypes attached to. Not to mention the idea that bruises their ego that they have to pay for it. Sure they want it. But they also want to feel good about getting it-which does revert to the idea that they are getting/ petting their egos too–so yes getting more than just the instant gratification of sex they aren't getting at home.
angie2443 Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 "Otherwise, if it were all about sex for men, they could rent a prostitute." I disagree with this statement. Some men would never drop a dime on a prostitute because of the unseemingly stereotypes attached to. Not to mention the idea that bruises their ego that they have to pay for it. Sure they want it. But they also want to feel good about getting it-which does revert to the idea that they are getting/ petting their egos too–so yes getting more than just the instant gratification of sex they aren't getting at home. I get what you are saying. Still, they could also go to a bar and pick up a woman for a one night stand. It's not that hard.
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted December 29, 2009 Author Posted December 29, 2009 I get what you are saying. Still, they could also go to a bar and pick up a woman for a one night stand. It's not that hard. Mostly men want sex.... Some complain about lack of variety (just from reading LS)..... But again this is off topic. I am stating that you'd be surprised..... Not every man thinks they can pick up women at the drop of a hat. They however if they do cheat, want a relationship that is predicated on having SEX......
Natureofbeast Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 True, but then that kind of relationship also boost the ego, the so called notch on the bedpost. Then too there are pit falls to these sort of relationships as well. More partners, more opportunity of being caught or seen leaving–people talking, BS finding out. Especially if they are a repeat offenders.
seibert253 Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 And that means having sex..... A wife can tell you she loves you over and over...... But if she does not want to have sex, well that speaks volumes to a male (right or wrong)..... Absolutely.
angie2443 Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 What is the point of this thread? OP, are you just looking for people to validate your viewpoint?
silktricks Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 If the whole idea of an affair was for sex, then what about all of these Emotional Affairs that are discussed. Women aren't having them with women (usually). The involved man is not getting sex - but he IS getting validation, ego stroking and emotional bonding. I just don't buy the idea that either men OR women are having affairs just for sex.
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted December 29, 2009 Author Posted December 29, 2009 What is the point of this thread? OP, are you just looking for people to validate your viewpoint? And you always come on with a contrary view, usually just to show you have as big a pair as any male on this board..... Men want validation and that in the very end means sex.... If I am wrong, please men tell me so. Women too if you have affairs, was it because your spouse was so lousy in bed or never wanted it????? That is the intent of the original post.
angie2443 Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 And you always come on with a contrary view, usually just to show you have as big a pair as any male on this board..... Men want validation and that in the very end means sex.... If I am wrong, please men tell me so. Women too if you have affairs, was it because your spouse was so lousy in bed or never wanted it????? That is the intent of the original post. LOL! I'll have to show this to my husband. I think he'll get out of it. Anyway, can you define "lousy"? I never cheated on anyway because their skills weren't so good, but I did leave a relationship once because the guy stopped showering every day and it interfered with sex. Does this count?
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted December 29, 2009 Author Posted December 29, 2009 LOL! I'll have to show this to my husband. I think he'll get out of it. Anyway, can you define "lousy"? I never cheated on anyway because their skills weren't so good, but I did leave a relationship once because the guy stopped showering every day and it interfered with sex. Does this count? We have however seen posts describing men as not being good in bed and/or not holding up their end or caring about the woman's orgasm. We have also had men complain that their spouses/so's did not initiate or "work" in bed..... Come to think of it, I may have posted that question too.....
atlnay Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I get what you are saying. Still, they could also go to a bar and pick up a woman for a one night stand. It's not that hard. Your not a dude, nor am I, but from what my guy friends have told me, it really is that hard for them. I've been told line up 10 men odds are I'd get one of them to sleep with me on the spot faster than a male facing 10 women.
Lizzie60 Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Women need a reason to have sex.. Men only need a place... That summarizes it..
2.50 a gallon Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 atlnay Your odds are way above 1 in 10, more closer to above 5 in 10 I never cheated on my XW until after we separated, and I like to claim the high ground that I never would have. I did cheat on my ex fiance. She was very sexy and was awesome in bed, and I am pretty sure I would have cheated on her had we married. My excuse was I was still young and was a player, and it was hard to change my ways. Validation - nope. Trying to prove I was a man - nope Variety - Skaters legs, one had muscular but shapely legs, redhead with freckles, play connect the dots, bubble butt, one had the sexiest dimples on her back, nice rack, smaller breasts, all the sexist reasons. Even though my ex fiance was probably one of the best in bed I have ever been with, after a couple of years it was like I was eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich every night, and I wanted to try pastrami
bentnotbroken Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Men and women cheat for the same reasons....lack of proper coping skills to marital problems and lower( or no) boundary standards where fidelity is concerned. Simple, they cheat because they want to.
Woggle Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 The difference is accluntability. When men cheat they are no good slime and for good reason but when women cheat somehow they are still made out to be the victim.
angie2443 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Men and women cheat for the same reasons....lack of proper coping skills to marital problems and lower( or no) boundary standards where fidelity is concerned. Simple, they cheat because they want to. I agree with this. I also think, looking at the post above bentnotbroken's, that some people are not marriage material or, need to play around more when they are young and single.
Spark1111 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I have read that men cheat for physical validation. Since sex is how men express their love, sex is very, very important to the male species. If he feels he is WANTED sexually, the emotions (love) will follow towards the person who desires him physically, and RSEPECTS him. No offense guys, but it makes you easier to manipulate, IMHO. Women are trickier. They need emotional validation to feel sexual; respected, appreciated, and cherished. A man who cheats is easier to rehabilitate, than a woman who does so, according to the psych lit. I read, because he may still truly love his wife, but doesn't know how to get her passionately re-engaged with him, and find sex elsewhere. Hence, more guilt, more remorse, and more willingness to work on the marriage. Women justify it all because they "fell in love." Hence, the walkaway wife syndrome is growing in numbers. And because she did it for true love, she may never come back. Just what I have been reading lately.....
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