xoxo88 Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I'm just curious if this happend to any of you. If any of you let their love go because you were just to weak/stubborn to fight for them. I read a book written by a psychologist about stupid break ups. Most of the break ups happen because of miscommunication, weakness and cowardice. When you are not brave enough to let your partner know how you feel, you let it all fall apart. I've lead to break up myself because of insecurity. The price was huge and i'm still paying. If any of you feel like there's something your partner or ex should know just tell them. Tell them in such a way you won't offend them and you will also get it off your chest. Tell them politely how you feel. Don't be a coward for a little thing beacuse the price you're gonna have to pay later is much bigger than that second of insecurity when you want to let them know how you feel.
lostboyuk Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I feel exactly the same, BTW thanks for your reply earlier. There's all the talk of NC and moving on but I think you have to have a foundation to move on from. MY experience was that I let her know everything, it came out a complete mess and I fell apart in front of her more than once, but she since told me if she hadn't seen me like that she wouldn't have known how much I love her. Alright I'm back in the same place again I was but I know (for me) that if I hadn't done all I felt I could at first I would have regretted it for the rest of my life. I don't regret anything I ever did in my life but I regret plenty I didn't do.
Author xoxo88 Posted December 29, 2009 Author Posted December 29, 2009 I think pretty much the same. And i agree with no contact in terms of not making crazy phone calls to our exes and respecting their space. But i do think that you should share your feelings at some point when you feel ready. That way you will know you had done everything that stood in your power and move on with no regret. Face it, living your life with regret (and hating yourself for not trying harder) is much worse than those minutes of disappoinment or rejection that you might feel in case your confession doesn't lead to a make up. And about the last thing in your post i feel the same. I don't regret anything that i've done, or at least i knew i did something wrong and i found a way to somehow fix it, but i deeply regret everything that i didn't do. What just crossed my mind is a commercial logo but encouraging thought: dare for more!
GrayClouds Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I'm just curious if this happend to any of you. If any of you let their love go because you were just to weak/stubborn to fight for them. I read a book written by a psychologist about stupid break ups. Most of the break ups happen because of miscommunication, weakness and cowardice. When you are not brave enough to let your partner know how you feel, you let it all fall apart. I've lead to break up myself because of insecurity. The price was huge and i'm still paying. If any of you feel like there's something your partner or ex should know just tell them. Tell them in such a way you won't offend them and you will also get it off your chest. Tell them politely how you feel. Don't be a coward for a little thing beacuse the price you're gonna have to pay later is much bigger than that second of insecurity when you want to let them know how you feel. If it was weakness , fear, insecurity that got in your way, the best thing you can do is to work to understand why you it had such a power over you. Discover the root cause for this behavior. Working on these issues will help insure that you do not repeat the pattern in the future. It also insures that what ever price you paid in the past is not in vain. For most here, it is too late to fix past mistakes, but just the right time to to make sure we do not repeating them. As much as we do not want to hear it and disappointing point to know, doing this work will not change your last relationship outcome, but it will offer you the growth and maturity to will help make a future relationship successful. Keep the focus on you; it is time to improving yourself, build real confidence and developing self love. When you do, then having courage to express your needs, face your insecurities, or be open to rejection will not longer seem devastating. This is what life is trying to tell us to do by giving us this challenge right now.
nobmagnet Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I have no regrets. he left in feb for the first time. Promiced he would de MC. Lied through out. Came home. Did it all again. left for ever in september. I tried my very best. I gave him a chance and worked on me too. By the time he left I was half mended anyway..............didnt stop the agony/fear/sickness that followed but if I hadnt let him back again I wouldnt be where I am today. Strong,indipendant, (bad spelling) woman I feel right now. No regrets none at all. I was strong he was weak. Stuff him.
teanoranges Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I broke up with my ex first, at first trying to explain why but maybe a week later finally explaining it. He really didn't try to meet me half way and stuck by his word, even while I was honest about still having feelings for him. I almost feel that he was able to move on much easier knowing that I still loved him... as if I'm still a great back-up. I don't regret anything that happened. I was honest with my feelings to him so whatever he chose is something he chose and can't blame it on me confusing him.
mizundastud Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I broke up with my ex first, at first trying to explain why but maybe a week later finally explaining it. He really didn't try to meet me half way and stuck by his word, even while I was honest about still having feelings for him. I almost feel that he was able to move on much easier knowing that I still loved him... as if I'm still a great back-up. I don't regret anything that happened. I was honest with my feelings to him so whatever he chose is something he chose and can't blame it on me confusing him. I agree I did this the first time me and my ex broke up I told him how I felt he chose another path I accepted and moved on. We later got back together then obviously broke up again and this time I was an emotional mess did some things I regret, I guess I came on to strong but i poured my heart out and in the end still don't have him, this time I wish I woulda kept it to myself endured the pain and moved on.
carolinawanderer Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 My ex was like this. She was so reserved that she wouldn't tell me when something was really bothering her. Instead, she just let it fester until she couldn't deal with it anymore. Some things, maybe I should have seen. I was in a bad mood for a while with her, but she hardly ever spoke up about it. I thought she was just dismissing it. Call me stupid, but communication was a huge issue in our relationship. She should have been able to stick up for what she felt a little more.
ordinary_girl Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 what I have learnt over the years is that yes there can be insecurity issues but different people make us feel in different ways. there were definitely times when I screwed things up because I got scared/handled it wrong/got defensive. however, looking back I know none of those men were right for me anyway. there are a lot of people out there that will make you feel good enough about yourself to allow you to communicate with them well.
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