mistieyed Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 haven't had the best of luck with men, but finally thought I met "the one" - one thing that continues to happen is our communication efforts periodically are a mess (nothing physical or degrading) just communication issues. we can't seem to get it together sometimes and it is starting to become apparent that if this is not resolved, we won't last as we are both strong individuals and the constant questionning is eating at both of us (we don't argue all of the time, but often enough that it concerns me). in short, he says that the way I say things comes across in a questioning or challenging way (he is an alpha male type with a past family history and an ex wife that were not so loving and kind) while I feel that at the same time he doesn't give me the benefit of the doubt or assumes that what I am saying is in a negative light when it truly is not (yet even after I explain my intent, he doesn't seem to let it go). I have tried to adjust my way of communication, however, that is not an overnight process I will admit and in short even walking on egg shells it doesn't seem to be working. the things I think are innocent/sweet, he feels are too inquisitive or makes him feel like a child. that is my nature (inquisitive, I am a "why" person), yet after many months of dating/living together, I still do not get the benefit of the doubt even after he says he knows me. what do you do in this situation? is it past experiences that are coming back to haunt us? is it me? I realize you are not around to know the complete picture, but I welcome anyone's sincere thoughts on this as neither of us want to hurt the other. thanks.
TaraMaiden Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I would buy a good book on effective communication, and both read it. I would also Read up about Dr Phil's Life Laws (Cheesy, I know, but unfortunately, for all that, they might well help) and perhaps opt to go to counselling about this. It's going to take compromise.... You may well be trying to approach him in a way he feels comfortable, but it should never feel like 'walking on egg-shells'...and how about him meeting you in the middle when it comes to opening up? Communication is 2-way, not one.....
Author mistieyed Posted December 29, 2009 Author Posted December 29, 2009 I would buy a good book on effective communication, and both read it. I would also Read up about Dr Phil's Life Laws (Cheesy, I know, but unfortunately, for all that, they might well help) and perhaps opt to go to counselling about this. It's going to take compromise.... You may well be trying to approach him in a way he feels comfortable, but it should never feel like 'walking on egg-shells'...and how about him meeting you in the middle when it comes to opening up? Communication is 2-way, not one..... thanks for the suggestions, I will most certainly try a good read (cheesy or not) - its funny that you mention two way communication because as of late, I am starting to feel that I am offering to change my communication efforts, yet he just sits there and never offers himself up thinking it is all me (but I know it takes two). I realize it is tougher for men to explain/express themselves so I am giving him the benefit of the doubt myself that he is taking in what I am saying and will attempt to change himself. as much as we love each other, I am finally understanding what people mean when they say love is not enough.
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