james65 Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Hi there, I broke with the love of my life about 2 months ago and I have recently found out that she has got another boyfriend. I can't explain how much pain and hurt I am feeling. Not only that but I can't stop thinking of what she is doing with her new boyfriend. I am completely obsessing over it. It's like I can't actually bear the thought of her being intimate with someone else. It is causing me so much mental turmoil it is hard to explain. How can I let go and stop thinking about what she is up to? Thanks
DenverBachelor Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Hi there, I broke with the love of my life about 2 months ago and I have recently found out that she has got another boyfriend. I can't explain how much pain and hurt I am feeling. Not only that but I can't stop thinking of what she is doing with her new boyfriend. I am completely obsessing over it. It's like I can't actually bear the thought of her being intimate with someone else. It is causing me so much mental turmoil it is hard to explain. How can I let go and stop thinking about what she is up to? Thanks You broke up with her or she broke it off? Not that it matters really, but I'm just curious. In any event, stop placing so much emphasis on the physical. Yeah, she's with a new guy and she's in the fuzzy feel good stage right now. She's not with you, though, so you need to put her out of your mind. The reason you feel so bad about thoughts of her being with another guy is due to some part of your mind feeling you still have some control or ability to control the situation. This is an illusion. This is completely out of your control now. One should not expend any mental energy nor feel any anxiety over things outside of his or her control. If you have no control over a situation, whatever outcome that comes from the situation is inevitable. One would think that naturally we would feel less anxious over a situation out of our control since we should resign ourselves to whatever happens, but the human mind doesn't like to resign itself so easily. Unfortunately, you don't have a choice in the matter. She makes her own choices regarding matters of her new relationship. Since she's no longer a part of your life, whatever she does with this new guy should be irrelevant to you. You can't control it, so don't spend time and energy worrying about it. I'm sorry you're going through this but it will pass in time. Just focus on your life and concentrate on your own interests and hobbies and let her go down whatever path her pretty little heart pleases.
gaudi Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Hey james65, feeling for you mate. Don't know why they call it heartache because, let's face it, it's much more than just an "ache". Interested to know when this pain started, following the breakup or since you found out about her new friend ??
Author james65 Posted December 29, 2009 Author Posted December 29, 2009 Hi there, Actually after the breakup I was coping quite well, it was a mutual decision but once I found out, my whole emotions and life just started to spiral out of control. I know it sounds strange but I just can't stand the idea of her being with someone else, i guess I am still in love with her (despite finishing for good reasons). I know I have to accept it and move on but at the moment it just seems so difficult. Thanks for the comments.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I can totally understand this James, my ex left me in the summer after 18 years, I was his first gf. I don't think he's met anyone else yet, but I can't stand the thought of him being intimate with someone else, I absolutely dread it. I so understand how you feel and I'm so sorry you are going through this.
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