broke nc

[kyta]

She phoned me then tx me for 2 hours last nite, i was drunk, my first drink in 7 weeks, i was crashed out and the phone woke me up, it was a witheld number, then 5 min later i got a tx from her, then she rang and i answered, we spoke for about 20 mins, then she was txing me for another hour, i dont get it, i have ignored her calls and tx for the last 9 days, she went on about who i hav been with since the break (meaning women) she went on about how i loved my ex b4 her, she even threw in that she had a woman problem, and it wasnt a std, so i asked if she was pregnant, she says who by, she hasnt had sex since we broke up, but wouldnt tell me wot was wrong, oh mannn, she answered all the questions in my head i didnt ask her, but why is she calling me? she doesnt want to b with me as far as i know, i havent asked her back, and she just tx me now, why is she doing it, its like we are still together in some ways, i dont feel bad after talking to her, its not like im back at step 1, i just find it weird why she txes and phones so random, with random questions.

[TaraMaiden]

If you're going to get drunk, turn off your 'phone.

 

That's advice to everyone, by the way.

 

Being drunk makes people senseless idiots, who, when sober, ask all the dumb questions they really don't need answers to, because the bottom line is, it's a bad idea to get drunk when you're in NC.

 

here endeth the xth lesson.

[Simon Attwood]

She phoned me then tx me for 2 hours last nite, i was drunk, my first drink in 7 weeks, i was crashed out and the phone woke me up, it was a witheld number, then 5 min later i got a tx from her, then she rang and i answered, we spoke for about 20 mins, then she was txing me for another hour, i dont get it, i have ignored her calls and tx for the last 9 days, she went on about who i hav been with since the break (meaning women) she went on about how i loved my ex b4 her, she even threw in that she had a woman problem, and it wasnt a std, so i asked if she was pregnant, she says who by, she hasnt had sex since we broke up, but wouldnt tell me wot was wrong, oh mannn, she answered all the questions in my head i didnt ask her, but why is she calling me? she doesnt want to b with me as far as i know, i havent asked her back, and she just tx me now, why is she doing it, its like we are still together in some ways, i dont feel bad after talking to her, its not like im back at step 1, i just find it weird why she txes and phones so random, with random questions.

 

Sometimes these answers are so difficult to put in to a single post;

 

We have this illusion that we are the author of all our thoughts, decisions and behaviours. Society is based upon us being singular rational beings, with very little written in to our laws to allow for the fact that we are sometimes not in control of our actions and behaviours.

 

All conflicts in relationships have their roots in internal conflicts within individuals. The human mind is not a whole within itself, it is a place made of many different parts and elements, often the needs of a part is in conflict with the need of another part. This creates an internal battle. The internal battle cannot be faced because it threatens to destroy the illusion of self agency, so the a source of conflict is needed on the outside in order to provide an explanation for the emotions being experienced.

 

These conflicts are never totally rational because the source of the conflict is perceived to be the surrogate. The mind is trying to create an external reality that fits the emotions produced by the internal conflict. this is why relationship conflicts often appear so irrational, and the conflicted partner is nearly always the source of the irrational, even if the other reacts irrationally, it is usually because they are identifying with the projections of the other.

 

We have many strings that we don't see, and it is easy for others to pull those strings without us knowing that our actions and behaviour are being provoked by others.

 

Essentially, her mind is currently split and conflicted, her rational mind is being influenced in to a stance where it is certain and immovable on the subject of the split. but another part of her fragmented mind is questioning and doubting this decision.

[DenverBachelor]

it's a bad idea to get drunk when you're in NC.

 

But it makes such great fodder for LS! It's like an impending train wreck where the conductor just throws his hands up in the air and exclaims, "Screw it, I'm going to barrel through the station at full speed!"

 

Getting drunk is usually the catalyst for the beginning of many relationships, the end of many relationships, and the train wreck of reconciliation of many failed relationships.

[DenverBachelor]

Essentially, her mind is currently split and conflicted

 

This is called being a woman.

[kyta]

But it makes such great fodder for LS! It's like an impending train wreck where the conductor just throws his hands up in the air and exclaims, "Screw it, I'm going to barrel through the station at full speed!"

 

Getting drunk is usually the catalyst for the beginning of many relationships, the end of many relationships, and the train wreck of reconciliation of many failed relationships.

 

 

it was a one off drink i had, not to drown sorrows, there wont b any reconciliation this time, our relationship is dead, i dont mind that, but i do miss my friend, she was so very special to me, and still is, she didnt know i was drunk b4 she phoned me, shes just random, never met anyone so random as her, but i cant figure her out like i can with my other ex's one min she wont tell me anything, then next she tells me everything and i dont even ask.

[Simon Attwood]

This is called being a woman.

 

Nah, it's called being human . There's plenty of incidence on here where the shoe is on the other foot, to prove it.

[DenverBachelor]

it was a one off drink i had, not to drown sorrows, there wont b any reconciliation this time, our relationship is dead, i dont mind that, but i do miss my friend, she was so very special to me, and still is, she didnt know i was drunk b4 she phoned me, shes just random, never met anyone so random as her, but i cant figure her out like i can with my other ex's one min she wont tell me anything, then next she tells me everything and i dont even ask.

 

I'm sure you do miss your friend. Trust me, I miss mine. I miss the friendship more so than the failed relationship. If I could salvage anything, it would be the friendship. Relationships come and go but friendships should weather the worst storms.

 

Perhaps her randomness makes you more curious and keeps you hooked. I'm sorry you have to go through this (especially while ... errr ... how do the British say it? Knackered and pissed? Or is pissed just an Australian term? Anyway ....).

 

Either cut her out of your life or tell her to stop playing games and come out with it. If you're not emotionally invested in her, it can't hurt to shake the branch and see if the fruit is ripe or rotten.

[kyta]

I'm sure you do miss your friend. Trust me, I miss mine. I miss the friendship more so than the failed relationship. If I could salvage anything, it would be the friendship. Relationships come and go but friendships should weather the worst storms.

 

Perhaps her randomness makes you more curious and keeps you hooked. I'm sorry you have to go through this (especially while ... errr ... how do the British say it? Knackered and pissed? Or is pissed just an Australian term? Anyway ....).

 

Either cut her out of your life or tell her to stop playing games and come out with it. If you're not emotionally invested in her, it can't hurt to shake the branch and see if the fruit is ripe or rotten.

 

i am emotionally invested in her, but not in the way i was, i dont want to be with her in a relationship anymore, it can never be what it was, i have tried nc, but she got through to me, its just weired why now after all this time she want to talk to me and tx me, when all she had done since the break up is have a go at me constantly, now shes not.

[Brightmoon]

 

All conflicts in relationships have their roots in internal conflicts within individuals. The human mind is not a whole within itself, it is a place made of many different parts and elements, often the needs of a part is in conflict with the need of another part. This creates an internal battle. The internal battle cannot be faced because it threatens to destroy the illusion of self agency, so the a source of conflict is needed on the outside in order to provide an explanation for the emotions being experienced.

 

These conflicts are never totally rational because the source of the conflict is perceived to be the surrogate. The mind is trying to create an external reality that fits the emotions produced by the internal conflict. this is why relationship conflicts often appear so irrational, and the conflicted partner is nearly always the source of the irrational, even if the other reacts irrationally, it is usually because they are identifying with the projections of the other.

We have many strings that we don't see, and it is easy for others to pull those strings without us knowing that our actions and behaviour are being provoked by others.

 

 

Wow!... (Not confused, but amazed at the clarity) Wow..

[DenverBachelor]

i am emotionally invested in her, but not in the way i was, i dont want to be with her in a relationship anymore, it can never be what it was, i have tried nc, but she got through to me, its just weired why now after all this time she want to talk to me and tx me, when all she had done since the break up is have a go at me constantly, now shes not.

 

Well if it seems out of the blue, there is probably some element that is causing this from her side. Perhaps she was seeing somebody and disregarded you at the time and now that relationship has gone sour and she's scared and coming back to you.

 

Generally when people go from sour to sweet or vice-versa, there is always something in the background that is causing this. People work off resources and when they have a lot of things going on, they don't have to place as much time and emphasis on any one particular person -- but when the **** hits the fan, they'll scour to whatever safe haven they can find which includes an ex.

[DenverBachelor]

We have this illusion that we are the author of all our thoughts, decisions and behaviours. Society is based upon us being singular rational beings, with very little written in to our laws to allow for the fact that we are sometimes not in control of our actions and behaviours.

 

 

Ps: Thanks for giving me horrible flashbacks of having read "Being and Nothingness" by Jean-Paul Sartre. That is one college class I'd love to erase from my mind. Reading that book was almost as bad as breaking up. Almost.

[kyta]

Well if it seems out of the blue, there is probably some element that is causing this from her side. Perhaps she was seeing somebody and disregarded you at the time and now that relationship has gone sour and she's scared and coming back to you.

 

Generally when people go from sour to sweet or vice-versa, there is always something in the background that is causing this. People work off resources and when they have a lot of things going on, they don't have to place as much time and emphasis on any one particular person -- but when the **** hits the fan, they'll scour to whatever safe haven they can find which includes an ex.

 

No she wasnt seeing someone else, i thought she had got back with her ex, but my thoughts were wrong on that score, i dont know whats going on with her, i havnt asked her, but for 5 wks all she did was phone me up and shout at me, now shes being nice, joking, and even playing our silly little games with the txes, i know we cant be real friends as yet, but i dont want to throw what we have had away, id like to salvage something from it, i dont want it all to be in vain like so many others, its just strange the change in her over this last 24 hours, compare to the sh*t she has given me over the last 5 wks.

[DenverBachelor]

No she wasnt seeing someone else, i thought she had got back with her ex, but my thoughts were wrong on that score, i dont know whats going on with her, i havnt asked her, but for 5 wks all she did was phone me up and shout at me, now shes being nice, joking, and even playing our silly little games with the txes, i know we cant be real friends as yet, but i dont want to throw what we have had away, id like to salvage something from it, i dont want it all to be in vain like so many others, its just strange the change in her over this last 24 hours, compare to the sh*t she has given me over the last 5 wks.

 

Well, absent any external factors like boyfriends, flings, rebounds, etc. -- do you know if she does drugs? If she treated you like crap for 5 weeks and within 24 hours is being nice to you, the only thing I can think of is that she just did some drugs. Or she's a complete basket case. But you know her better than the rest of us. Surely there has to be something out there that would cause her to flip like that?

 

In any event, she doesn't seem like the type of friend I'd want around. I'm not sure anyone would want that type of volatile personality in a friend.

[TaraMaiden]

Ok, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to pull you up on this one:

 

We have this illusion that we are the author of all our thoughts, decisions and behaviours.

We are.

we formulate these thoughts according to conditioning, social upbringing, religious influence and peer and elder pressure.

but we formulate what occures within our heads. We are the Authors, but our thoughts are based upon our perceptions, and those perceptions are illusory, and our thoughts unclear and skewed....

 

Society is based upon us being singular rational beings, with very little written in to our laws to allow for the fact that we are sometimes not in control of our actions and behaviours.

Give me one instance when you are not in control of your action or behaviour.

Just one.

but it had better be good.....

 

All conflicts in relationships have their roots in internal conflicts within individuals.

Not so.

All conflict - in relationships - and elsewhere- have their roots in Suffering, due to our persistent Grasping and clinging to an unskilful desire....

 

The human mind is not a whole within itself, it is a place made of many different parts and elements, often the needs of a part is in conflict with the need of another part

.

No. The Human being is a composite of aggregates, or 'skandas' which all function to process perception and to thereby bring about a specific view.

 

This creates an internal battle. The internal battle cannot be faced because it threatens to destroy the illusion of self agency, so the a source of conflict is needed on the outside in order to provide an explanation for the emotions being experienced.

 

Not quite.

The internal battle is as a result of our misconception of what we perceive because we project our desire onto something, wishing it to be either something which it's not, or wishing it to continue being always wonderful, which it can't be, thereby bringing about the unsatisfactoriness of existence, because we do not accept things as they are, because they are as they are.

we create conflict withon ourselves because of attachment to impermanence.

 

These conflicts are never totally rational because the source of the conflict is perceived to be the surrogate. The mind is trying to create an external reality that fits the emotions produced by the internal conflict.

No.

The mind has created an internal illuison (which it believes is reality) based on a flawed perception of what is happening externally.

 

this is why relationship conflicts often appear so irrational, and the conflicted partner is nearly always the source of the irrational,

No.

#We are the source of the irrwtionality, based on what we desire external circumstances to be.

Don't forget the other person is functioning on similar levels with similar agendas. therefore, the conflict arises when we begin to believe that our inner serenity is dependent on external influences.

 

even if the other reacts irrationally, it is usually because they are identifying with the projections of the other.

Even if the other reacts irrationally, it is ALWAYS because they are identifying with the error of their own perception.

 

We have many strings that we don't see, and it is easy for others to pull those strings without us knowing that our actions and behaviour are being provoked by others.

 

Not so.

"1. Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If with an impure mind a person speaks or acts suffering follows him like the wheel that follows the foot of the ox.

2. Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If with a pure mind a person speaks or acts happiness follows him like his never-departing shadow."

First 2 verses of the Dhammapada.

 

Your every word and action is driven by what first occurs in your mind. As Created by yourself.

As created by your perception.

Which is usually flawed.

it therefore follows that if you have wrong perception, everything that follows (thought, word and deed) will also be wrong.

 

Essentially, her mind is currently split and conflicted, her rational mind is being influenced in to a stance where it is certain and immovable on the subject of the split. but another part of her fragmented mind is questioning and doubting this decision.

There is only one Mind, and it is in Samsara.

It is in a state of suffering, because she wants things to be the way she wants them, and they cannot be this way for ever;

She wants things she doesn't want, to disappear, but inevitably, clinging to external stimulii for happiness, this too will end, and in one way or another, undesirable factors will re-surface.....

So the unsatisfactoriness she is experiencing, is to put it plainly, because things are not the way she wants them to be, and she wishes they were.

Which pretty much sums up everybody else's problem, as well.

[kyta]

Well, absent any external factors like boyfriends, flings, rebounds, etc. -- do you know if she does drugs? If she treated you like crap for 5 weeks and within 24 hours is being nice to you, the only thing I can think of is that she just did some drugs. Or she's a complete basket case. But you know her better than the rest of us. Surely there has to be something out there that would cause her to flip like that?

 

In any event, she doesn't seem like the type of friend I'd want around. I'm not sure anyone would want that type of volatile personality in a friend.

 

No she doesnt do drugs, weekend drinker when she goes out, that about it with her, she says there is a lot more she wants to say to me, but she hasnt yet, she is a basket case, but then aint we all, we all have our ways, but the sudden change is strange, but with her u have to expect the unexpected, shes just so random, shes actually a nice girl, she has her moments but we all do, she just make me think again, but at least im not in pain at mo, and shes not hurting me like the last 5 wks, so thats a brucy bonus.

[Simon Attwood]

she is a basket case, but then aint we all,

 

 

Bingo

 

Nail on the head

[kyta]

Bingo

 

Nail on the head

 

lmao nail on the head, bless um, we love them and life goes on,

[Simon Attwood]

Give me one instance when you are not in control of your action or behaviour.

Just one.

but it had better be good......

 

 

Sorry, Tara, but I won't play today

[TaraMaiden]

well, I'm sorry, but you can't put a long post up like that, and then not be prepared to back it up.

let me know when you can play then.

Until then, I can only continue in my assertion that you were incorrect.

Until proven otherwise.

 

Thanks.

TM.