Ilovehim Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 don't get me wrong, im not one of those "needy-clingy" girls...and im dating someone at the moment...but i cant help but worry about "what if it ends...i will feel like crap" i REALLY like the person i'm with and i want it to work but my hope on relationships is so fragile...1 in 2 marriages ends in divorce and people always break up...my ex f*ked me over...i REALLY want to make this work...im 20 so i know im young...i just feel like i want something REAL and committed...basically my problem is i have no trust in "love" and its annoying me...because everyone deserves a chance but my thoughts are cloudy and i dont know anymore...:love:
Lovelybird Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 People usually say, if you are happy as a single, then you will be happy when you are in a relationship; if you are miserable as a single, you will have double misery in a relationship: yours + his. The happiness here mean you have a fulfilling life, you know who you are and happy in your own skins. Well, although your wish is nature, none of us can control the relationship or other person. The only comfort we can take is that we can control ourselves. If you want a decent man, be one decent woman; if you want a stable man, be one stable woman; if you want a faithful man, be one faithful woman. I think this is only empowerment we can have: that if we work on ourselves, our picking ability will improve naturally. Maybe here your problem isn't in "cannot trust in love", maybe your problem is in "cannot trust a man and his ability to love". I think focus on man's characters will help you pick better and improve your ability to trust. and another thing, bad companies corrupts, if you had only bad experience with men and learned relationship with them, then it is good to make sure you are surrounded by good friends and good people, so you can learn new good patterns.
BobSacamento Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I find being single rather empowering. I guess it's how you see yourself. If you feel like you are worthless unless you are validated by being in a relationship then I can see why you would want to be in one. I rather love the freedom. But I am young so I do have youth on my side.
bayouboi Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 don't get me wrong, im not one of those "needy-clingy" girls...and im dating someone at the moment...but i cant help but worry about "what if it ends...i will feel like crap" i REALLY like the person i'm with and i want it to work but my hope on relationships is so fragile...1 in 2 marriages ends in divorce and people always break up...my ex f*ked me over...i REALLY want to make this work...im 20 so i know im young...i just feel like i want something REAL and committed...basically my problem is i have no trust in "love" and its annoying me...because everyone deserves a chance but my thoughts are cloudy and i dont know anymore...:love: It's real simple. If you see your current relationship getting in trouble, simply queue up another man to be ready to pick up when things go south in your current relationship. IME that's what most women do.
phineas Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I find being single rather empowering. I guess it's how you see yourself. If you feel like you are worthless unless you are validated by being in a relationship then I can see why you would want to be in one. I rather love the freedom. But I am young so I do have youth on my side. I'm just about 38 & seperated. I enjoy being single for the same reasons. I don't feel I need a woman right now. If I do start to date again I really doubt i'd want to see someone more than once a week because it would take time away from myself.
sagetalk Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 If you're 20, female, and attractive, I seriously doubt you know what it feels like to be truly, romantically single (which I assume you mean alone). You even said yourself you're dating someone now. At your age, your future is in your own hands. Most relationships are started by the girl (guy hits on you, you accept/reject), so you have the power. Do not choose men who date around alot, or have lots of girls as their friends, or ex's as their friends. Find men that have traits that you want in a husband, not a boyfriend (two completely different things). A boyfriend is: fun, exciting, popular, outgoing, always finds something to do. A husband is: faithful, honest, communicates with you well, and displays character traits of honor and commitment. If you are afraid of getting divorced, then stay far away from the boyfriend type guys. You may have a long relationship with them, but the husband types are far more reliable for what you're looking for. I feel the same as you. I do not want to be divorced, I want one marriage and that's it. I look for wives and not girlfriends. If a girl is not of a value that I would marry her, I don't date her. It isn't based on her entertainment value, it's based on her character. I wish you the best .
sagetalk Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 It's real simple. If you see your current relationship getting in trouble, simply queue up another man to be ready to pick up when things go south in your current relationship. IME that's what most women do. This paragraph describes in perfect detail one of the main reasons the divorce rate is soo high . Disgraceful.
bayouboi Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 This paragraph describes in perfect detail one of the main reasons the divorce rate is soo high . Disgraceful. You would need a shovel to extract my tongue from the bowels of my cheek.
sagetalk Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 You would need a shovel to extract my tongue from the bowels of my cheek. I don't see the humor you seem to find in this topic. People who do things like that are heartless. If someone wants to break up, then break up. Looking for another person, then breaking up is cowardly. It would make people think twice about entering relationships in the first place if they had to treat people with respect. Breaking up and then being alone is hard. But by jumping right into another relationship, it shows that they place no value in the other person's feelings (or integrity in general for that matter) at all.
bayouboi Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I don't see the humor you seem to find in this topic. People who do things like that are heartless. If someone wants to break up, then break up. Looking for another person, then breaking up is cowardly. It would make people think twice about entering relationships in the first place if they had to treat people with respect. Breaking up and then being alone is hard. But by jumping right into another relationship, it shows that they place no value in the other person's feelings (or integrity in general for that matter) at all. Preaching to the choir, my wife cheated on me before she left our marriage. If anything, I'd say that of all people allowed to joke about it with dark humor, I've earned the right thanks.
sagetalk Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Preaching to the choir, my wife cheated on me before she left our marriage. If anything, I'd say that of all people allowed to joke about it with dark humor, I've earned the right thanks. I understand, I think I may have misinterpreted your reply. I'm sorry to hear that happened to you.
D-Jam Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 don't get me wrong, im not one of those "needy-clingy" girls...and im dating someone at the moment...but i cant help but worry about "what if it ends...i will feel like crap" i REALLY like the person i'm with and i want it to work but my hope on relationships is so fragile...1 in 2 marriages ends in divorce and people always break up...my ex f*ked me over...i REALLY want to make this work...im 20 so i know im young...i just feel like i want something REAL and committed...basically my problem is i have no trust in "love" and its annoying me...because everyone deserves a chance but my thoughts are cloudy and i dont know anymore...:love: Sounds like you have internal issues to deal with first. Nothing wrong with that...you just need alone time to get your heart and soul in order.
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