meerkat stew Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 3. Do not expect anything. I would say the response rate among women in match is somewhere around 20%. Some women do not pay so they can't respond, some women don't want to respond because you aren't exactly what they want (which is their problem not yours), and some women play a game and expect you to message a couple times (which is stupid, imo). The whole post is good, but the above is particularly true. One way to get around the ones who aren't paying subscribers is to only mail to women active within the last 24 hours. Most of the non payers do not log in as frequently. Observing this guideline, together with experience and practice, got me up over 50% response rate last match goround. It is also true that lots of them expect multiple mails before they respond to show you are "really interested" which is bad logic, but just the way it is. I don't write more than once (they get exactly -one- shot at the best date they will ever have on match.com... an attitude I highly recommend adopting), but have friends who have had some success with multiple emails to the same woman also.
sally4sara Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 So I started this online dating a while back, and as I am typing my profile, I realized, this is difficult. It's hard to carry myself on the Internet. After a while, I realized I have better luck picking up women in the outside world than online. Here's the problem. When I meet the girls initially, they see me, they see my body language, how I talk, how I crack jokes, laugh, sees my actions. Online, they read through a block of text, you just lost that first impression because there is no first impression with online... just text. Does anyone see this problem? Are you a male nurse?
meerkat stew Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Someone mentioned to steal other guys lines...hahahahahaha That doesn't make you different.. That makes you the same. And of course you ignore that I posted to customize them and specifically stated to avoid stealing cliche' lines. OP is looking for a starting place, and stealing good ideas from other profiles is just that.
Star Gazer Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 The idea behind online dating is that you can pick your partner rationally based on compatibility as opposed to responding to emotional triggers that recreate past drama... Bingo!!!!
meerkat stew Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 No, sorry, the idea behind online dating is for women and men to use the internet as a tool to meet new dating prospects. Anything else is up to the individual and their goals. There are lots of people out there who have managed to date, both on the net and off, without behaving like Pavlov's dog in merely responding to emotional triggers that recreate past drama.
Star Gazer Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 No, sorry, the idea behind online dating is for women and men to use the internet as a tool to meet new dating prospects. Totally disagree. Online dating is to help MEET people, as most people are able to meet others and find dates IRL. Rather, OD is for finding the right person, by using discrete criteria without having to go through the meet-and-greet-and-rejection process with hundreds of people.
alphamale Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Rather, OD is for finding the right person, by using discrete criteria without having to go through the meet-and-greet-and-rejection process with hundreds of people. you're forgetting most people lie on-line. its much harder to deceive IRL
Star Gazer Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 you're forgetting most people lie on-line. its much harder to deceive IRL I did a LOT of OD in my past, and out of 30+ dates, I'd say only one of them lied (about his age, by about 8 years).
Crazy Magnet Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Arg....I'm hating my stalker right now for making me start a new account and I can't send PMs yet. Grrrrrr...... Anyway. I was going to say send me your "looking for" section and I will read it and give you feed back and send you what I have written for myself. I fixed a male friend's profile on eHarmony and he went from zero responses in a month to three phone numbers in one week. I rock. But since I can't do that I'll just offer some things that might help you. I would definitely try to make the entire profile sound like a conversation. Write as though you are actually speaking to a girl. Do you have any phrases that you use a lot in conversation? Throw those in. Also, if you want your upbeat personality to come through, use a tone of writing similar to an action scene in a book. Write so that the reader gets drawn in and excited while she reads. Does that make sense? Also, on OKC, those three adjectives at the top of the page should NOT be what everyone else has! If I read adventurous and genuine one more time, I'm going to gag. Try a wild word....like vivacious. Heck, anything but nice, smart, funny, attractive, you get the idea.
Crazy Magnet Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I am enjoying life, accomplished, and just plain awesome. That's one that stuck out to me. It was different.
meerkat stew Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Totally disagree. Online dating is to help MEET people, as most people are able to meet others and find dates IRL. Rather, OD is for finding the right person, by using discrete criteria without having to go through the meet-and-greet-and-rejection process with hundreds of people. Well you have certainly gotten the Eharmony marketing spiel down, bogus as it is. Online dating sites/services are tools to facilitate meeting prospective dates. This is a rather plain fact, not at all controversial, and also not subject to debate. Some people may use such sites to avoid repeating past dating mistakes, terrorists may use them to send code, pranksters may use them for pranks, but this doesn't change the core definition that describes what online dating "is for" one bit. Online dating is for meeting prospective dates. Further, it is almost always a mistake to enter into protracted conversations with dating prospects before meeting. It is almost always best to meet in person as soon as possible. Treating online dating profiles as real indicators of a given individual's true traits is a grave error in judgment, and will lead to much disappointment. OTOH, treating online dating profiles as ads or mere icebreakers is a much more healthy outlook leading to much less disappointment.
Star Gazer Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 This is a rather plain fact, not at all controversial, and also not subject to debate. Given that I disagree with you entirely, I'm afraid it IS subject to debtate. Online dating is for meeting prospective dates. Again, I disagree. OD is for finding the right person TO date, not for meeting prospective dates. Treating online dating profiles as real indicators of a given individual's true traits is a grave error in judgment, and will lead to much disappointment. Again, I only came across one person who misrepresented himself... and I know I certainly never misrepresented myself.
meerkat stew Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Given that I disagree with you entirely, I'm afraid it IS subject to debtate. That you could reply to my statement "2+2 =4" with "no, 2+2=8," would be disagreement with a statement that is not subject to debate, so you are wrong. By definition, online dating services facilitate meeting prospective dates, simple. Whatever other process or characteristics you want to add onto that basic definition is your business, but does not change the basic definition. No impersonal contact is ever preferable to face-to-face contact for beginning the process of getting to know someone.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 (edited) The truth about online dating is that for the most part it SUCKS! A picture is worth a million words, and profiles are all a compilation of absolute tripe that is manufactured as a marketing tool to make you sound like a tv ad. In other words it's all bull****. Anyone who thinks that online was designed to help people connect on a deeper level and to be able to match on character traits vs superficial ones, is completely kidding themselves. I've always been partisan to the more "breezy" type profiles, less is WAY more, and humour will get me every time. I could care less about someone's laundry list of adjectives they chose for themselves to describe who they are. Or the fact that they love to have "fun" duhhh, who doesn't. Show me whit and creativity and let me see what you look like clearly so that I am not dealing with any unpleasant surprises when we meet and Bob's your uncle. My boyfriend's profile was exactly 4 sentences long it was to the point and his pictures were OK but he was a doer. He had a good set of interests that were aligned with mine, and I like the restrictions he had on his profile it showed he was not looking to mess around. He was aggressive in his approach and was extremely personable when emailing and funny to boot. None of this "you look hot in your pics let's chat" bull****, he broke straight into conversation. He got me where it mattered most, and I bet it's where it matters most to most women, "upstairs" His personality shone through in the email conversations, and I could tell he was very much a go getter by his online style. ACTIONS people, not words. Use the medium forget the noise. Edited December 30, 2009 by InspiredbyYou
meerkat stew Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 My boyfriend's profile was exactly 4 sentences long it was to the point and his pictures were OK but he was a doer. This brings up another good point OP, if you are like me, the expressive type, go for it in your profile, make it longer if you know you have the expressive power to pull it off. If you are not as expressive, as IBY's BF, use that as a strength to be plain and to the point, to advertise yourself as a "doer" not just a "talker". Women will often respond to many different types if they perceive that the type comes from a position of strength and comfortable knowledge of one's strengths. This is advanced profile stuff. In essence play to your strengths, and your ad will end up attracting the women most aligned with your particular strengths.
justagoodoleboy Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 online dating is tricky... profile and pics are everything. what i find very tricky is even if Im just looking for potential relatinoships...at this point in my life i want to go slow. But i find many of the girls (and guys im sure are the same) are looking for a relationship right now. so I get turned off really easily.
Author Pizzaman81 Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 Well with online dating it's more like we know why you two are meeting.. it's because of potential relationship.. not just friends. So in a way it's faster paced, and kind of defeats a lot of things.
Phateless Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Well you have certainly gotten the Eharmony marketing spiel down, bogus as it is. Online dating sites/services are tools to facilitate meeting prospective dates. This is a rather plain fact, not at all controversial, and also not subject to debate. Some people may use such sites to avoid repeating past dating mistakes, terrorists may use them to send code, pranksters may use them for pranks, but this doesn't change the core definition that describes what online dating "is for" one bit. Online dating is for meeting prospective dates. Further, it is almost always a mistake to enter into protracted conversations with dating prospects before meeting. It is almost always best to meet in person as soon as possible. Treating online dating profiles as real indicators of a given individual's true traits is a grave error in judgment, and will lead to much disappointment. OTOH, treating online dating profiles as ads or mere icebreakers is a much more healthy outlook leading to much less disappointment. Given that I disagree with you entirely, I'm afraid it IS subject to debtate. Again, I disagree. OD is for finding the right person TO date, not for meeting prospective dates. Again, I only came across one person who misrepresented himself... and I know I certainly never misrepresented myself. Oy vey... You guys are BOTH right, it just depends on how you use it. This argument is like saying "microwaves are ONLY for reheating leftovers. NO, they're ONLY for making TV dinners." DUH! It's used both ways, you couple of stubborn-asses. It's used to meet people when your network provides no new candidates to date, and it's used to try to pick out someone who fits well when you're tired of dating the same kind of person over and over no matter where you meet them. For me, I was living in a college town and having a blast hooking up with random girls every weekend, BUT, I just hadn't run across anyone who could hold my attention. Plus this was a town that most people move away from after graduation so the likelihood of a lasting relationship was low. I had a profile on a dating site that I just kind of casually kept an eye on when I was bored. I ended up meeting someone with whom I really clicked and when I moved back to her area we started a relationship. We were able to get know each other gradually and really thoroughly before we started dating. Would I online date again? I would probably do the same thing as before - live my life and have a blast, but keep one eye on the dating site in case somebody amazing happens to turn up. The point is that everyone should do BOTH. Online dating is NOT a good substitute for real, live dating, but is a great supplement.
Rainman760 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 profiles are all a compilation of absolute tripe that is manufactured as a marketing tool to make you sound like a tv ad. So true.. I've only been OD for a few months and what cracks me up are the "never a dull moment-strap yourself in and try to keep up'ers" Here's a breakdown of a typical day: Yoga class at 6am Walk on the beach with the dog. Museum. Lunch with friends. A triathlon in the afternoon. Pottery class. Dinner (someplace exotic) Salsa dancing till 2am. Yeah right! I love to be active but I'm not exactly looking for a date where I need a note from my doctor to participate, thank you. I don't know what it is, maybe it's my problem, but the phrase "living life to the fullest" is like nails on a chalkboard to me! I can't tell you how many times I have read that in profiles. It's like it came to everyone's mind at the same time in some sort of mass OD writers block! What gets my attention is an original, perhaps slightly off beat profile where their sense of humor comes through or at least their individuality.
meerkat stew Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Yoga class at 6am Walk on the beach with the dog. Museum. Lunch with friends. A triathlon in the afternoon. Pottery class. Dinner (someplace exotic) Salsa dancing till 2am. Well it's actually lunch with friends... in Italy. I love to travel myself, but it's not a huge drive in my life. What's funny is when you are talking to one of these compulsive travelers and ask them pointed questions about the last trip, they almost always describe things they saw, never anything they learned, no historical, political, philosophical or artistic observations, just "cool stuff they saw." I can -see- anything in the world on a computer, why travel to just -see- it. You can't -see- local peoples on the net or learn local culture, but from most of the impressions I get, when these types travel, the goal is to -see- as much -stuff- as possible and when not -seeing stuff- to insulate themselves from the real local culture as much as possible (other than food).
Author Pizzaman81 Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 Well it's actually lunch with friends... in Italy. Remind me of this standup comedian Steve Byrnes. He was talking about how women likes excitement. "I don't take her to my bedroom... that's boring, everyone has a bedroom, you sleep in it.... I call mine.. The Shire. Now she's interested... what lies there? Volcanos? Dragons? maybe she'll find a ring there, we don't know!" Steve: "Sir, where do you sleep at night?" Guy from Audience: "my bedroom" Steve: "Oh wow that's HOT! check someone's pulse.. that's EXCITING.... NO, tonight you sleep in TORNADO ALLEY"
meerkat stew Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 DUH! It's used both ways, you couple of stubborn-asses. Guilty as charged on the "stubborn ass" part generally, but there's a reason I'm sticking on this, and that is because I am someone who has LOTS of internet dating experience, and one thing, maybe -the- thing about internet dating, is that it is just a tool to meet and then once met in person, to date or not in the traditional way. Using the net to try to extensively screen people before meeting, to try to "pre-select" the good ones, to build a connection before meeting in person is a massive mistake. I made this mistake when I first started net dating and had no one to warn me about it, so am very clear to point it out when someone posts a "new net dater" thread. Nothing at all good can come of a) taking dating profiles as serious indicators of who a person is as opposed to just an advertisement and b) building a relationship with someone online when a relationship could just as easily be built by meeting quickly in person and then dating in the traditional way. Have experienced and seen multiple cases of heartbreak and disappointment caused by these two huge mistakes people make online. That's all I will say on it.
meerkat stew Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Steve: "Oh wow that's HOT! check someone's pulse.. that's EXCITING.... NO, tonight you sleep in TORNADO ALLEY" Good one! Lots of possibilities there, "Hogwarts," "The Octagon," "Lilliput," "Mt. Vesuvius," "Bedrock," "The Bada Bing"...
Rainman760 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Well it's actually lunch with friends... in Italy. Ah yes, how could I forget about Italy; anyplace tropical seems immensely popular too! gee.
meerkat stew Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 OK, a killer profile technique. In the "things I like" or "my favorite things" section, put some outlandish "hobbies" or interests. Some I use are "taxidermy, locksmithing and refrigerator repair" because everyone has seen -those- tradeschool ads in magazines. This kind of thing creates an inside joke between you and the reader. Another thing is to talk about your exotic pets in your profile and then post a picture of a galapagos tortoise with a leash photoshopped on it, or better yet, you photoshopped riding it, or an aquarium with a single goldfish, an ant farm... you get the idea. The concept is creating a joke that exists between your pics and your profile for the women to "figure out." (not too clever though, kind of obvious) They love this and no guys do it. Women read the profiles much more carefully than men do. I also change my tagline every few days, usually to something that is funny, but without negative undertones. Using tv characters in the tagline has worked well along the lines of "Yogi seeks Booboo" (ok that is a bad, uncreative one, but illustrates the concept). A better one might be "Gomez seeks Morticia" or "Goober seeks Gomer." So many possibilities, but be careful to be original and off the wall while still being accessible. Most women wouldn't get "Carl seeks Meatwad" for example, nor is it very funny.
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