Pizzaman81 Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 So I started this online dating a while back, and as I am typing my profile, I realized, this is difficult. It's hard to carry myself on the Internet. After a while, I realized I have better luck picking up women in the outside world than online. Here's the problem. When I meet the girls initially, they see me, they see my body language, how I talk, how I crack jokes, laugh, sees my actions. Online, they read through a block of text, you just lost that first impression because there is no first impression with online... just text. Does anyone see this problem?
b52s Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 So I started this online dating a while back, and as I am typing my profile, I realized, this is difficult. It's hard to carry myself on the Internet. After a while, I realized I have better luck picking up women in the outside world than online. Here's the problem. When I meet the girls initially, they see me, they see my body language, how I talk, how I crack jokes, laugh, sees my actions. Online, they read through a block of text, you just lost that first impression because there is no first impression with online... just text. Does anyone see this problem? Exactly, in fact I bet these VERY same women, that dismissed you online so easily....if you had met these VERY SAME Women in public, you'd succeed with them. Ironic, isn't it?
Author Pizzaman81 Posted December 29, 2009 Author Posted December 29, 2009 Cuz my sparkling charm doesn't ooze through the Internet as well. As many people have noticed here on this forum. :bunny:
Rainman760 Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 It may take a bit of thought but maybe try to make your profile as close to your effervescent personality as possible. Few people like to go on about themselves but if you do it honestly but with a sense of humor it will come through. Plus when you do go on a date they will see that the person who is sitting across from them is the same fun person from your profile. Another tip is to get help from a friend to 'describe' you, it usually results is some funny comments that you may be able to use. It also helps if you are stumped to read some other profiles and see what works and what doesn't. My personal pet peeve are people who say that they "live life to the fullest" GAG!
meerkat stew Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 1. As rainman suggests, look at male profiles and shamelessly steal and paraphrase their best lines. It ain't copyrighted! No harm no foul, just make sure to customize the line and to pick truly good ones, not cliches. 2. Watch a -good- sitcom (Seinfeld, Family Guy), count the gags per minute, the setup in between gags, and draft your profile according to that formula. Keep timing in mind, not just babbling out text. Think of it as something akin to a standup routine, just not quite as zany or over the top. 3. Involve the reader, ask her questions, "do you like this? c'mon you don't really, no one likes this." Ask at least one question in every other paragraph, they can be silly, but not too serious or personal. Give the illusion that you are carrying on a dialogue with the reader, not selling a used car 4. Use dynamic language. Most people break up and become available because they got bored. Sell excitement without going overboard. Don't go heavy on the "world traveler" 18 hobbies BS, as everyone sees through that, but do throw out some stuff like "I'd rather throw a frisbee than watch TV" if it's true. OK to your topic, here's the difference between approaching out and about and on the net. If you can get her attention on the net, you have it undivided, no cockblockers, no loud stinky clubs having to say "huh, what, huh, what?" over and over, no crappy idiot pack of GFs lousing things up, no lame music dulling your mood. If you write your profile well enough, you will stand so far above the pack that you will never have to deal with these disadvantages to regular meeting.
Phateless Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 So I started this online dating a while back, and as I am typing my profile, I realized, this is difficult. It's hard to carry myself on the Internet. After a while, I realized I have better luck picking up women in the outside world than online. Here's the problem. When I meet the girls initially, they see me, they see my body language, how I talk, how I crack jokes, laugh, sees my actions. Online, they read through a block of text, you just lost that first impression because there is no first impression with online... just text. Does anyone see this problem? The idea behind online dating is that you can pick your partner rationally based on compatibility as opposed to responding to emotional triggers that recreate past drama, even if the person isn't good for you? Make sense? Try to be as accurate as possible and then scan profiles and message someone you think would be a good fit for you.
Crazy Magnet Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I've seen some guy profiles online that I can tell are genuine and well thought out. It's usually from men who are also good writers, which I think you are. The men I have met, with outstanding profiles, have been really close to what they wrote. Usually those are the guys "I" message rather than waiting for them to message me. I wish I could post links to the best profile I've seen. But I'm still seeing the guy.
meerkat stew Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Genuine is fine, but remember the goal of your online personal ad is not to elicit "Hey this guy seems real!" but rather "I have got to meet this guy before he gets taken!" It's an ad, not a resume'.
Crazy Magnet Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Genuine is fine, but remember the goal of your online personal ad is not to elicit "Hey this guy seems real!" but rather "I have got to meet this guy before he gets taken!" It's an ad, not a resume'. I second that. You've got to market yourself to the kind of women you want to meet. Picture that target audience, and write for that.
b52s Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Yeah, but some people just aren't good at "putting it on paper". Also, it's like the Matrix, you can't just be TOLD what it is..... you have to see it for YOURSELF. Of course, if you get rejected before getting to that point, and she's willing to throw in the towel so quickly, you can forget it.
b52s Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 The idea behind online dating is that you can pick your partner rationally based on compatibility as opposed to responding to emotional triggers that recreate past drama, even if the person isn't good for you? Make sense? Try to be as accurate as possible and then scan profiles and message someone you think would be a good fit for you. I did exactly just that....with no success, even if the person has the same obscure interests as I do, and I tell them in an email about it, and talk about the obscurities (Try to get her to give me an answer about something specific)...nothing. All they do is probably look at the pic, go "ew" and delete the email.
MyNameIsJonas Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I did exactly just that....with no success, even if the person has the same obscure interests as I do, and I tell them in an email about it, and talk about the obscurities (Try to get her to give me an answer about something specific)...nothing. All they do is probably look at the pic, go "ew" and delete the email. I've actually joked about online dating (mostly match) with a few female friends of mine. The general gist they give me is that most men who message them ask wayyy too much in their initial e-mail. Plus, if you are mid-30s and messaging a woman in her mid-20s, you are basically destined for failure. My tips: 1. Less is more. Ask a question or two based on a big interest of hers. Don't invest too much effort into something that may not pan out. 2. Message within your age bracket. If I message a women, I keep it within 2-3 years of my own age. 3. Do not expect anything. I would say the response rate among women in match is somewhere around 20%. Some women do not pay so they can't respond, some women don't want to respond because you aren't exactly what they want (which is their problem not yours), and some women play a game and expect you to message a couple times (which is stupid, imo). Also, I will say that if you write a truly dynamite profile, the women will message you. This is my case as during my 3 month subscription to match, I have written maybe 3 first messages. The rest of my messages, and all of the subsequent dates, have come from women who have contacted me first.
b52s Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I keep it within 2-3 years of my own age. You gotta be kidding,h ow silly
MyNameIsJonas Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 You gotta be kidding,h ow silly Several women I've spoken with have verified this recommendation. Women get put off when someone way outside their own age is contacting them.
Phateless Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 You also need to take good pics to post. Your pictures do need to be flattering.
b52s Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Several women I've spoken with have verified this recommendation. Women get put off when someone way outside their own age is contacting them. Yeah, typically ist a lot more than just 2 to 3 years... Like a 40 or 50 year old man contacting a 20 something woman. THAT"s what women are turned off by....not a guy 2 to 3 ydard older or younger lol I kind of have a 5-7 year older/younger age thing
MyNameIsJonas Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Like a 40 or 50 year old man contacting a 20 something woman. THAT"s what women are turned off by....not a guy 2 to 3 ydard older or younger lol Four women I have been out with from match told me that they were put off by men in their mid-30s contacting them. When I asked how much older they would go they said 3-5 years. Two others actually said 1-2 years. All of these women were early to mid 20s. You could argue personal preference but when six women all say that more than 5 years is too much, I would say there is something to learn there.
jerbear Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 (edited) Cuz my sparkling charm doesn't ooze through the Internet as well. As many people have noticed here on this forum. :bunny: I have to agree with you on this one! I do not count on online dating as my sole source. I don't get all my dates through online dating but by meeting them in real life. Normally they won't date me if they read my profile and their requirements are different. I don't meet all of their online profile requirements (age, race, height) but when we do meet, the chemistry factor kicks in. Edited December 29, 2009 by jerbear Added more stuff
Crazy Magnet Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Four women I have been out with from match told me that they were put off by men in their mid-30s contacting them. When I asked how much older they would go they said 3-5 years. Two others actually said 1-2 years. All of these women were early to mid 20s. You could argue personal preference but when six women all say that more than 5 years is too much, I would say there is something to learn there. I am F, 30....my age range is set from 26 to 35...and I'd have to be blown out of the water to really go outside of 28-34. Anyone who messages me who is 37+ creeps me out somewhat, any guy who has visible age ranges set and they are mid 30's and they include women ranging in age from 20-37....creeps me out and I won't return their message. Why? Because at 37 they could almost have a child who is 20....NOT for me. GROSS!!! If a guy doesn't have realistic age limits, yeah, it's nasty. Back to the OP....what do you want to come across in your profile that you don't think is coming across?
Author Pizzaman81 Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 I am F, 30....my age range is set from 26 to 35...and I'd have to be blown out of the water to really go outside of 28-34. Anyone who messages me who is 37+ creeps me out somewhat, any guy who has visible age ranges set and they are mid 30's and they include women ranging in age from 20-37....creeps me out and I won't return their message. Why? Because at 37 they could almost have a child who is 20....NOT for me. GROSS!!! If a guy doesn't have realistic age limits, yeah, it's nasty. Back to the OP....what do you want to come across in your profile that you don't think is coming across? Hmm maybe my energy level. I am not hyper, but when time is right, I have an energetic sense of humor. And when I usually list what I would like in a woman, I can sound too uptight on paper... but when i say it in person, i say it carefree with a light tone, but still serious about it. You know?
Author Pizzaman81 Posted December 30, 2009 Author Posted December 30, 2009 I have to agree with you on this one! I do not count on online dating as my sole source. I don't get all my dates through online dating but by meeting them in real life. Normally they won't date me if they read my profile and their requirements are different. I don't meet all of their online profile requirements (age, race, height) but when we do meet, the chemistry factor kicks in. Yep, online is not my main source to find people, but I do like to cast a larger net if you know what I mean.
Art_Critic Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 (edited) You have to lure them in with something till you get to the point of wowing them with your words/voice. Use humor..pick something from their profile that you can work into a funny one liner and that will at least start a conversation. You need to put something in your profile that makes you different from the others.. a different hobby maybe..something exciting and worthy of conversation. Someone mentioned to steal other guys lines...hahahahahaha That doesn't make you different.. That makes you the same. He was right though about looking at other guys profiles.. I had a fake profile for that reason.. check out the competition and then get an idea of what the cheese is out there and I was able to write a profile that was at the very least NOT like someone elses. Many times the choices a person makes in their own profile about what they want turns women off.. Age was mentioned earlier.. If you are 38 and put that your would like to meet women 20-38 then it doesn't matter who you are they are going to see that you have only a yearning for young women.. to young and too much range.. Women like a profile that is direct and has what he wants.. if he just brackets everything to include everyone then they get turned off by that. Bring the range in to 30-45 and you will get better reaction to your profile. Edited December 30, 2009 by Art_Critic
alphamale Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Online, they read through a block of text, you just lost that first impression because there is no first impression with online... just text. Does anyone see this problem? everyone looks and comes off the same in online ads, there is no differentiation
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