Is he interested???

[resurgam]

Sorry, this is super long. Feel free to skim. I am sitting at my parents’ house bored on break and have nothing better to do than contemplate the intricacies of my crush :-P

 

I have a guy friend who I am interested in. I sometimes think that he’s interested, too, but I don’t know if I’m just reading into things because I want him to like me. Possibly, what I take as interest may just be him being comfortable with me and almost thinking of me as one of the guys.

 

• When we first started talking, he would joke to me about me hooking him up with this gorgeous girl I know. Then, one day he told me that the whole thing about that girl was just a joke and that he’s not really looking for a girlfriend. A few weeks ago, I asked him, “Are you ACTUALLY interested in her?” and he said, “Not really, she just seems like a cool person.” He hadn’t brought her up in a while.
  
• At the library two weeks ago, I was with him and one of his friends, and the friend was talking to me about pretty women. The guy didn’t contribute anything to that conversation, but a few minutes later, he was lamenting to me how this gorgeous upperclass girl that he’s deeply infatuated with is dating a jerk.
  
• I was lamenting how a guy had broken my heart a few months before, and he touched my leg in consolation.
  
• On the way home from Thanksgiving break, I was squished in the middle seat of a little car between the friend and another guy. Since I knew my friend pretty well, I asked if it was ok if I leaned on him while I slept. He said it was fine, but I felt too awkward to actually do it. He patted his shoulder and told me to lean on him. On the way back he told that he didn’t mind if I leaned on his shoulder, this time without me mentioning it.
  
• A couple weeks ago, we were talking about the different levels of friendship you can have with someone, and he said, “We’re on a good level. You’ve slept on my shoulder.”
  
• Once, I was walking in front of him, and slipped on ice. There was this really gentle touch on my arm/back as he reached out to steady me. I haven’t gotten to observe him with other girls to see if he’s just a touchy feely person or if it’s just with me.
  
• Once, when we were studying, I was like, “I have to go. One of my friends is having a bad day and I have to go console him,” and he said, “Him???”
  
• Once, I told him that I had a minor crush on a guy he knows. He always brings up things he dislikes about that person, although he knows I’m not crushing anymore. It may be just that he dislikes that guy.
  
• Occasionally he compliments my outfit
  
• Sometimes he brings up things from past conversations
  
• It seems like he holds my gaze for a really long time, but then again I may just be imagining that because I’m interested in him, or it might just be a sign that he’s a good listener with everyone.
  
• One time, my dorm hall made dinner for a bunch of our guy friends. He came, and he said, “I’ll sit by you, Resurgam,” but then his roommate was like, “Resurgam you stole my seat” so then I moved. He seemed somewhat disgruntled.
  
• He’s mentioned me to his friends, although it may be just because I say some entertaining stuff unintentionally. His two best friends randomly started saying hi to me, and his roommate recently brought up something that I had said to the guy, which he had told him. I was like, “He told you that?” And the roommate said, “We’re really good roommates…we talk about everything.”
  
• The guy has this thing that I’m a “nymphomaniac librarian”, and when I was like, “How do I give you this impression, I don’t want people thinking I’m a whore,” he said, “No, I’ve already told them that you’re a good Christian girl.”
  
• The other night, his roommate randomly texted me to ask me when my last final was. The roommate never texts me—we don’t really get along. Then, 5 minutes later, I went to the library and saw both of them there—it was as if I had come up in conversation.
  
• The other day, when I went to breakfast with one of my friends, he and his roomie were there, but far away. His roomie was facing me and the guy had his back to me. After his roommate saw me, he made this furtive glance towards me and then turned back really quickly. We didn’t get to go over to them because we were trying to sneak in late and the cafeteria lady kicked us out.
  
• He acts very delighted whenever we run into each other, although he does that with other friends of his, but I at least know that he likes me as a person.
  

The only problem is—we never hung out outside of studying for a class together and a few long car rides home, and next semester we won’t be in a class together. I was lamenting that to him, and he said, “We’ll still hang out.” That was the night he invited me to “go for a smoke break” with him and his friends after we studied. He mentioned doing that again at an unspecified time in the future, and he also told me that he’ll tell me his life story sometime, because apparently it’s interesting. He does talk like we will be talking in the future.

 

Should I just wait and see if he ever initiates hanging out next semester when we don’t have classes together, to take that as an indication of his interest? Should I work to keep in contact with him at all or initiate hanging out? I really do like him as a person and would be content just to be friends with him if he’s not interested.

[MyNameIsJonas]

Should I just wait and see if he ever initiates hanging out next semester when we don’t have classes together, to take that as an indication of his interest? Should I work to keep in contact with him at all or initiate hanging out? I really do like him as a person and would be content just to be friends with him if he’s not interested.

 

If I were to take a guess based on the cliff notes of your fall semester that you just wrote out, I would say that he may think you have "friendzoned" him.

 

I specifically cite the numerous occasions where you explained/lamented/consoled into him about your past relationship issues. Plus the whole "sleep on your shoulder" thing in the car. Those are fairly standard "friendzone" signs regardless if they were intended as such by you.

 

He's probably interested, but erring on the side of caution because of the above mentioned signs. Be more aggressive with your feelings toward him and make it known that you are interested. Unless the kid is a total wimp, you should know then whether or not he is interested in you. Then take it from there.