What does it mean when...A

[Buckeye Candy]

"She is still technically with her boyfriend"

 

Here is the explanation.

[cognac]

I'm just getting angrier and angrier. Who the hell just drops off the face of the earth, from someone you say you love, even if you're pretending? I'm starting to think something has happened to her. But her cellphone is on (she is on cell phone AIM), I just can't explain it. Especially judging from how excited she used to be when I would see her or text her. This is just in humane, she can't even TELL me she is not interested? OR ANYTHING AT ALL?

 

I sent her one last message last night saying, "alright, I can take a $#%#%$@ hint"

[sagetalk]

I'm just getting angrier and angrier. Who the hell just drops off the face of the earth, from someone you say you love, even if you're pretending?

 

A crazy girl that is dating another guy, that's who. What part of run don't you understand. Run for your life, dignity, and happiness! Run!

[cognac]

A crazy girl that is dating another guy, that's who. What part of run don't you understand. Run for your life, dignity, and happiness! Run!

 

 

She must be really evil. I remember one time saying "well you better not be using me or manipulating me" then she said "omg why do you think all women are out to get you? Don't you believe there are some women like me who actually just like you? I get enough attention".

 

I'll run for my life and dignity , and alcohol will take care of my disappointment this here new years, but I'm really curious as to what her story is. I have no evidence at all that what she is telling me isn't true, that she has to let her BF down easy and slowly (because his family and hers are almost inseperable) , she has yet to tell me a lie, so I don't know. I'm just curious as to what's really going on. As I said, I tried to add her with a fake facebook name but no response.

Edited December 30, 2009 by cognac

[ordinary_girl]

She must be really evil. I remember one time saying "well you better not be using me or manipulating me" then she said "omg why do you think all women are out to get you? Don't you believe there are some women like me who actually just like you? I get enough attention".

 

 

some people have very little self-awareness. also, I wonder how many manipulative people admit to it. it would defeat the object, no?

[cognac]

some people have very little self-awareness. also, I wonder how many manipulative people admit to it. it would defeat the object, no?

 

I've met many women who have tried to manipulate me or play me, but it has never worked, I have an excellent sixth sense for women like that. There is some kind of missing factor in this equation I don't know about probably.

[ordinary_girl]

I've met many women who have tried to manipulate me or play me, but it has never worked, I have an excellent sixth sense for women like that. There is some kind of missing factor in this equation I don't know about probably.

 

I understand. unfortunately we all face that at some point.

[cognac]

Read the OM/OW board and you'll understand how many people are struggling with almost exactly the same confusions.

 

I say run, you can find someone unattached and ready for a healthy relationship.

 

For some reason almost all the decent looking and interesting women I meet in college, work, etc, ALL have boyfriends , WITHOUT EXCEPTION! I met like 4-5 women this year which is a record, who I like and think liked me back, but ALL OF THEM had a boyfriend, except 1 who said she wasn't interested. In America unless you are extremely deformed or soil yourself, if you are a woman you will have a boyfriend, so I have no choice but to try and win over the girls who I like, attached or not. If I didn't have the awful luck of her dad dying and losing her job, I think I would be with her as we speak. In fact, I know for a fact I would.

[ordinary_girl]

If I didn't have the awful luck of her dad dying and losing her job, I think I would be with her as we speak. In fact, I know for a fact I would.

 

you think those factors are bigger than the fact that she has a boyfriend?

[cognac]

you think those factors are bigger than the fact that she has a boyfriend?

 

I know so. The way she was with me before that and after are like night and day. I couldn't even touch her after that and she was always feeling sick. She got this cold , dead feeling in her eyes too and I think she is abusing anxiety pills. She is keeping me at a distance despite wanting to help her. I'm really worried because I don't think she has anyone to really talk to or who cares about her.

 

Her boyfriend is a clown, she got into a relationship with him because she was single for 2 years and was just desperate for anyone, he is a boring sports -crazed retard. She was very sick with some kind of flu, and her boyfriend moved out for a week because he was afraid of getting it! I offered to go and take care of her and at first she wanted me to, but then later told me not to because she was afraid we would end up having sex in her apartment all alone. She said cheating is very much against her morals, and called me the devil because I was tempting her .

Edited December 30, 2009 by cognac

[Peitho]

My experience is this optimism about romance is B.S.

Your experience is obviously very limited.

 

I acted really mature and grown up with this one, and no dice.

You were trying to establish a perfect romantic relationship with someone else’s girlfriend.

Sorry cognac, but not very mature. Not very realistic either. Aren’t you afraid she would be doing the same thing to you one day?

 

You make a good point. What do you want me to aim for though?

You should aim for someone who loves you and respects you; not only to accept you, but to appreciate you and cherish you.

Acceptance is the basics.

 

Being able to not only be myself around a girl, but have her LIKE ME for it, is just an amazing experience that for me is the first time in as long as I can remember.

That is an amazing experience for sure and I sincerely hope you will find that one day, however…

… when I mentioned other women in my life (who for the most part, I made up just to see her reaction).

Is this what 'be myself' means to you?

 

From looking at people around me, in almost every case sure, life doesn't end at 22, it only goes downhill from there.

OMG

NO, it doesn’t.

It actually gets better. Most people are less confused and happier with themselves.

But a woman or no women, thinking (at the age of 21!) that your life only goes downhill is not very healthy. Could that negativity be what puts the girls off?

 

Another thing:

I don’t know what your ‘controversial beliefs’ are, but could that be a problem?

[sagetalk]

For some reason almost all the decent looking and interesting women I meet in college, work, etc, ALL have boyfriends , WITHOUT EXCEPTION!

 

Most attractive women have boyfriends, and the ones that don't have a shoot ton load of guys lined up. I agree with that, but that is no excuse to take another man's women. There are these things called ethics and morals.

 

A real man would live his whole life alone if dating meant he had to steal women from other men. Character defines who you are and stealing women from other guys does not build good character. It will also come back to bite you in the butt.

[meerkat stew]

Don't write off women who say they have BFs. It's often not the brush-off that it seems to be. But don't put heavy pressure on either, just keep the communication channels open. You will be amazed at how many "BFs" disappear once the woman decides you are OK. There are many, many women out there who are terrified to admit that they are in fact single, and will rationalize a male acquaintance or an ex into BF status. At the very least, you will have another acquaintance who has single friends, not a bad thing.

 

As far as your number of approaches, multiply it time ten and that's a start. When you are single and ready for a relationship, jump in with both feet and approach 5 women per week, not per year. Make things happen by increasing your number of approaches and you will be amazed at the results. Also, when your approach level is high, and you have lots of phone numbers to work with, flakey behavior from one of them becomes no big deal. Best wishes in 2010.

[cognac]

You were trying to establish a perfect romantic relationship with someone else’s girlfriend.

Sorry cognac, but not very mature. Not very realistic either. Aren’t you afraid she would be doing the same thing to you one day?[/Quote]

 

Oh no trust me, when I find out a girl has a boyfriend , I get out of the situation ASAP. But this one is different. By the time I knew she had a boyfriend I was already deeply in love with her.

 

Is this what 'be myself' means to you?[/Quote]

 

Only when I'm looking to see where I stand with the woman. Being myself I meant by that I can make my unPC jokes, interesting observations, talk about history/art/politics, rant against the modern world, etc, without the woman running for the hills or becomming bored because she doesn't understand what im talking about. With this girl not only could I do this ,but she would actually get into it and chime in with her own! I can find plenty of men to do this with, but it was the first time I could do it with a girl and not get some weird look on her face.

 

OMG

NO, it doesn’t.

It actually gets better. Most people are less confused and happier with themselves.

But a woman or no women, thinking (at the age of 21!) that your life only goes downhill is not very healthy.[/Quote]

 

i don't know, I'm just judging from the people I see around me who are in their 30's. If you haven't found a woman by then , you are pretty much over the hill (unless you make good money).

 

Could that negativity be what puts the girls off?[/Quote]

 

No, what puts a large portion of women off is the fact that I am broke/work a crappy retail job (im a college student), don't have a car, and am 5'7 and am slender as opposed to muscular. For a girl to look past all these things in this day and age and still love me for me, I have to say it is striking, merit-worthy, and impressive. This girl deserves my all.

 

I don’t know what your ‘controversial beliefs’ are, but could that be a problem?[/Quote]

 

To an extent. But generally I don't reveal my beliefs until later on and in my experience it's been that my beliefs aren't really a dealbreaker if the girl likes me. Most people think they're funny (they'll patronize me in a good way) or have a lot of truth to them.

 

Most attractive women have boyfriends, and the ones that don't have a shoot ton load of guys lined up. I agree with that, but that is no excuse to take another man's women. There are these things called ethics and morals.[/Quote]

 

Honestly she's pretty average looking. She's cute yeah, but she is a 6-7 from an outsiders point of view. I think me and her compliment eachother in looks too, unfortunately i live in a country where women always have opportunities to meet a lot of men no matter what.

 

And I agree completely about morals and ethics. This is the first time I have ever done anything like this, and if it wasn't absolute, once in a lifetime true love, I would have left it at that. I've always had a very negative attitude about women before meeting ithis girl, it would be "if she doesn't put out soon I'm just going to cut this broad off" but that's only because the women I had met before her were all idiots and a waste of my time unless I was having sex with them.

 

A real man would live his whole life alone if dating meant he had to steal women from other men. Character defines who you are and stealing women from other guys does not build good character. It will also come back to bite you in the butt.[/Quote]

 

I agree and have always lived my life that way. The only women I have known who even flirt with me, all have had boyfriends.

 

I do not steal anyone from another guy. Did I not mention the numerous opportunities for sex i had with her but did not follow through with? Both our bodies were saying yes, but me as the man of discipline walked away, because despite looking down on her boyfriend, nobody deserves that. Give me some credit for that.

 

The bite me back in the butt thing is not the reason I am this way. I don't believe in karma , because if it existed I would be with this woman as we speak or atleast have had a meaningful woman in my life in the past 21 years, after showing this much empathy for some dirtbag guy (and many more) who doesn't deserve it. I doubt 99% of men would do this. I believe in honor for honor's sake. I wouldn't be surprised if she started to lose attraction to me when I didn't take her, women are weird like that.

 

 

MEERKAT

 

Don't write off women who say they have BFs. It's often not the brush-off that it seems to be. But don't put heavy pressure on either, just keep the communication channels open. You will be amazed at how many "BFs" disappear once the woman decides you are OK. There are many, many women out there who are terrified to admit that they are in fact single, and will rationalize a male acquaintance or an ex into BF status. At the very least, you will have another acquaintance who has single friends, not a bad thing.[/Quote]

 

I don't think I could ever be her acquaintance, and I'm not interested in her single friends.

 

I agree about the boyfriend thing though. It's not my fault almost every young woman from "5" on up has a boyfriend. I have no choice in the environment I am in but to simply offer myself and let them decide who they like more.

 

As far as your number of approaches, multiply it time ten and that's a start. When you are single and ready for a relationship, jump in with both feet and approach 5 women per week, not per year. Make things happen by increasing your number of approaches and you will be amazed at the results. Also, when your approach level is high, and you have lots of phone numbers to work with, flakey behavior from one of them becomes no big deal. Best wishes in 2010.[/Quote]

 

I'm not really interested in this. I feel kind of embarrassed hitting on every woman I see, just because I like the way they look. I know all the "game" you can run with random women, but it's just not my style. I have already had sex maybe with 5 women, and honestly want some decent companionship for a change. The vast majority of women don't have personalities that interest me either, the girls I meet in my every day life are almost cookie cutter identical in interests or beliefs (and that's if they even have any) before meeting this one girl I had never known someone female who felt like i did, saw how I did, completed eachother's sentences.

 

I also dont have a place to approach women. The women at my college (no dorms) are not very approachable, and where I work the clientele is pretty regular (and only a small percentage are young women), so if I asked a girl out and she rejected me, I would probably have to deal with them again and I don't want that.

 

Honestly, I'm not interested in anyone else.

 

I will see if it is possible to meet girls tomorrow on new years , perhaps to get laid. This may help me forget about this special girl, but in the end I've got a huge festering hole in my spirit. I have never, with all the girls I liked and who flaked on me in my life, felt this way about anyone. Usually I would say "Stupid slut, I'll just bang her friend" and move on , but this time silly feelings are here to ruin my life.

[txsilkysmoothe]

I didn't want her to give up her comfy life with her financially stable boyfriend

 

She hasn't!

 

Is this really what you call love? Don't you think her BF thinks she loves him too? She loves you but has sex with him? She loves you but won't leave him?

 

I think what she told you was a goodbye speech. You are better off without her. Can you really love a woman who is willing to give herself to a man in exchange for a roof over her head? There is a word for that. Do you really want to be the next BF, the next one to support her, the next one she cheats on?

 

Deep inside, you have to know this isn't right.

[meerkat stew]

I'm not really interested in this. I feel kind of embarrassed hitting on every woman I see, just because I like the way they look. I know all the "game" you can run with random women, but it's just not my style.

 

Not proposing any kind of game or PUA tricks, not even proposing hitting on women, but approaching them. For example, I am going to a New Year's Day party where there are going to be at least 3 single women I don't already know, and 5 that I do know. I got invited due to meeting people and keeping in touch with acquaintances, very little time or effort other than naturally being a good friend and fun to be around. These are all friends of friends whom I care about and who care about me, so the odds of the normal meet and greet shenanigans are practically nil. I have a couple of social events like this per month, and augment with online dating. No need to run around peacocking and negging and cocky funnying, or doing any of those tricky things you (and I) don't like to do. Setting this kind of social life up is easy, you just have to meet more people.

 

It's as simple as talking to more people out and about, male, female, be gregarious. Take an interest in people, become more social, and you won't be having to do any cold street approaches at all.

 

The vast majority of women don't have personalities that interest me either, the girls I meet in my every day life are almost cookie cutter identical in interests or beliefs (and that's if they even have any) before meeting this one girl I had never known someone female who felt like i did, saw how I did, completed eachother's sentences.

 

Well man, I'm a misanthrope too. 80% of the people in this world are either boring as hell, bad, stupid or crazy. There's that 20% though... and if you are only meeting 5 a year, that's the reason that only ONE may be in that 20%, in fact the math works out perfectly. Meet more people >> meet more quality people>> meet more quality women.

 

I also dont have a place to approach women. The women at my college (no dorms) are not very approachable, and where I work the clientele is pretty regular (and only a small percentage are young women), so if I asked a girl out and she rejected me, I would probably have to deal with them again and I don't want that.

 

Again, make friends and acquaintances, you can do that anywhere, meeting women will follow. I used to feel exactly as you do at your age about being uncomfortable asking out women whom I would see again. Over time, though, this proved a false worry. For some reason that I can't explain, once I started asking out more women, whether they said yes or no, women started coming out of the woodwork pursuing me. No idea why this is.

 

Usually I would say "Stupid slut, I'll just bang her friend" and move on , but this time silly feelings are here to ruin my life.

 

Don't know what to tell you here if you really want a GF and not just sex, you are going to need to adjust that attitude in a big way. They are just people, don't empower them over you with this kind of defensiveness. Don't take everything so personally and to heart and you will see some progress in this area. Again best wishes.

[hoping2heal]

Woman tells you she really loves you, attributes a bunch of extremely positive traits to you, then drops from the face of the earth for 2 weeks. This has happened to me, and I don't know what this girls been up to.

 

Well, barring any freak accidents, etc (which I would hope not!) It more than likely means she's full of crap and a sales(wo)man. That's really sketchy behavior though. Yeah, I hope she is okay. Is there any way for you to verify she hasn't been injured, etc?

[cognac]

Thanks for the advice everyone. Don't you think I should cut her some slack, I mean, I don't know how I would act if one of my parents suddenly died, I lost my job, and was failing out of school simultaneously. This is really a special case, and if I hadn't seen a huge transformation before or after, I wouldn't stick around. I got to know the essence of this amazing girl before all these tragedies took her by storm, I'm sure that one day she'll go back to her old self and come back to me. I think she is not just neglecting me, but also most everyone in her life.

[sagetalk]

She hasn't!

Do you really want to be the next BF, the next one to support her, the next one she cheats on?

 

Deep inside, you have to know this isn't right.

 

Now that's some sage talk right there. This whole situation just seems odd to me. I feel for you man, and I hope everything works out best for both of you.

[theizz]

Woman tells you she really loves you, attributes a bunch of extremely positive traits to you, then drops from the face of the earth for 2 weeks. This has happened to me, and I don't know what this girls been up to.

 

never mind

[cognac]

I took meerkat's advice for tonight since the bar scene was pretty packed with girls tonight. Honestly , I regret it. Sure, I danced with a lot of girls, but in the end all I got was blue balls and not a single phone number. The broads I was thought were interested in me just started dancing with someone else and women who would talk to me had very short attention spans.IT was also murky seeing which ones had boyfriends or not, an angry boyfriend took a swing at me and the bouncers luckily took him outside and beat the **** out of him.

 

Nobody noteworthy met tonight, despite meeting plenty of women . Even my friends who are good looking, tall, charming, intelligent, etc, didn't get any. I think I'm just going to stay hung up on the girl hoping she still loves me and comes back to her senses, and use all my bar/meeting women money for prostitutes and strippers in the meantime:lmao:.

[Peitho]

I think I'm just going to stay hung up on the girl hoping she still loves me and comes back to her senses, and use all my bar/meeting women money for prostitutes and strippers in the meantime:lmao:.

 

Yeah, you do that.

Women are just mad about guys like that.

 

I wish you good luck.

Edited January 2, 2010 by Peitho
typo

[cognac]

Yeah, you do that.

Women are just mad about guys like that.

 

I wish you good luck.

 

 

Who cares what women think about me right now? It's obviously not too much, they're not mad about me right now so what can I do until I change my situation? So until I finish school/get a better job, can afford a car, and afford to buy some KISS shoes, and possibly move out of this country, I'm going to go the surefire route to female attention. I'm just sick and tired of the games and the lack of female physical/emotional attention, not just sexual but in a variety of ways, think of it as a heroine junky taking his methadone.

[Peitho]

Who cares what women think about me right now? It's obviously not too much, they're not mad about me right now so what can I do until I change my situation? So until I finish school/get a better job, can afford a car, and afford to buy some KISS shoes, and possibly move out of this country, I'm going to go the surefire route to female attention. I'm just sick and tired of the games and the lack of female physical/emotional attention, not just sexual but in a variety of ways, think of it as a heroine junky taking his methadone.

 

If you don't care, you don't care...

Fair enough