Lonelystar Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Basically after my ex and I broke I still kept in contact with him. I thought, that I was above the whole no contact thing, but boy was I wrong. We kept minmial contact for a year, and he seemed to want to get back. He sent me text saying "I miss you", " I'm thinking of you", etc. It was never wanting to work things out though, but it kept me hooked. While I tried dating again, he was in the back of my head. This Christmas he sent me a necklace over e-mail, and told me it reminded me of him. I found it a bit odd, but was happy none the less. Now here is where it gets juicy. I get an e-mail two days later from his new GIRLFRIEND. I didn't even know he was dating anyone because he never even mentioned it. I was in utter shock, and all these years of slowly getting over him brought me back to square one. We were together for 5 years, and broke up over a year ago. I wish now that I had just never kept in contact with him. I sent him an e-mail telling him never to talk to me again. He replied "You'll always have a piece of me". Seriously, I wish I could get a refund for that piece. He was the type of guy who wanted a family, and talked about how loyality was so important. I fell into his ways, and he was lieing to this girl and myself. I feel sorry for her, but he is no longer my problem. No contact is the best policy. I am not saying your ex can't be your friend, but why? It just prolongs the pain, especially when they start dating someone else. Just thought I'd share my experience. Though, I no longer cry for him everyday, that news brought me down to my knees. If you talk to your ex, in the back of your mind there could still be hope, and that hope could eventually lead to pain.
threebyfate Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Exes can make decent friends, as long as you've already moved on. I don't recommend you try to befriend someone who you still have a romantic interest in. As for your ex, he's something else. In what way did he lead you to believe he wanted to get back?
Author Lonelystar Posted December 28, 2009 Author Posted December 28, 2009 He sent me gifts, told me he missed me, etc. I mean, he never said he wanted to get back, but he tried to lead me on. I don't know if I'd ever get back with him, but I would have never talked to him if I knew he was seeing someone for a year!. I suppose so, but I don't want to be friends with a person like that.
threebyfate Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 No offense but the bigger lesson learned, is not to allow someone to lead you on, especially for a year. When an ex honestly wants back and is willing to put the effort into it, you'll know both in words about wanting to try again and also, in actions. When there's ambiguity, there's a problem. I'm not suggesting that you misread him. There's no doubt he's far from the person he portrayed himself to be.
D-Lish Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 I know how you feel! I remained entangled with my ex-H for a couple years after we broke up, we continued to lean on one another through our divorce. It was a really unhealthy thing for both of us. It really stifled my progress. Your ex sounds like quite a piece of work- it's a good thing he's someone else's problem now.
Author Lonelystar Posted December 28, 2009 Author Posted December 28, 2009 Threebyfate- Exactly. That is the lesson I did learn. I was just too involved to see the bigger picture, even though it was right in my face. I wasn't interested in getting back with him, but that he was sending me things like "I miss you", when he was with someone else. He had a girlfriend for a year, whom he failed to even mention. It just makes me mad that I didn't see the signs. D-lish: Oh, he is. He plays the "innocent", "emotional" guy, but is far from that. The more I look back on our relationship, the more I realize I was the one making all the sacrificies. He was my fist love, and we got together when I was 18 and he was 26. I just fell hard, and didn't want to see the obvious.
sean1970 Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Basically after my ex and I broke I still kept in contact with him. I thought, that I was above the whole no contact thing, but boy was I wrong. We kept minmial contact for a year, and he seemed to want to get back. He sent me text saying "I miss you", " I'm thinking of you", etc. It was never wanting to work things out though, but it kept me hooked. While I tried dating again, he was in the back of my head. This Christmas he sent me a necklace over e-mail, and told me it reminded me of him. I found it a bit odd, but was happy none the less. Now here is where it gets juicy. I get an e-mail two days later from his new GIRLFRIEND. I didn't even know he was dating anyone because he never even mentioned it. I was in utter shock, and all these years of slowly getting over him brought me back to square one. We were together for 5 years, and broke up over a year ago. I wish now that I had just never kept in contact with him. I sent him an e-mail telling him never to talk to me again. He replied "You'll always have a piece of me". Seriously, I wish I could get a refund for that piece. He was the type of guy who wanted a family, and talked about how loyality was so important. I fell into his ways, and he was lieing to this girl and myself. I feel sorry for her, but he is no longer my problem. No contact is the best policy. I am not saying your ex can't be your friend, but why? It just prolongs the pain, especially when they start dating someone else. Just thought I'd share my experience. Though, I no longer cry for him everyday, that news brought me down to my knees. If you talk to your ex, in the back of your mind there could still be hope, and that hope could eventually lead to pain. Now who here would I want to read this the most??? hmmmm....
kwiley Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 He replied "You'll always have a piece of me". Seriously, I wish I could get a refund for that piece. Loved that line girl! NC is harder than a mother, that is why so many people break it, but it is the ideal to strive for-something which I am starting right now after I text her!
sunrae Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Exes can make decent friends, as long as you've already moved on. I don't recommend you try to befriend someone who you still have a romantic interest in. As for your ex, he's something else. I agree Ex'es can be good friend... I have a friend who I dated for 3 years, I wanted a family, he didnt want kids, so sadly we desided it was best we go our seperate ways.. We tried being friends at first, but our feelings were still to raw and emotional, so we took a long time "away" from each other and barely kept in touch, to let the feeling die down.... We are great friends now (after about a year LC) I'm watching his house while he's gone, and we met up for lunch and laugh at each others crazy life dating stories... But it took us a while to get there.
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