museumchick Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 I've been friends with benefits with a guy for three (yes, 3!!) years now. It started off slowly, with long breaks in between contact. The "arrangement" picked up some speed this year where we'd get together once a month or so. For the past 8 weeks or so, we've been seeing each other at least once a week and he calls me every single day. We're on the phone for hours at a time. Of course, now I'm getting attached and feel like we're heading into relationship territory but we don't go out on dates. He invited me over to get snowed in together last week and it was very relationshippy. I'm the only person he's been with in almost 2 years. I know it sounds like he likes me, but I'm not convinced. I'm starting to get anxious and worried about how i'd feel if he found someone else. It would suck. How can I tell him that we're on a slippery slope where I'm getting attached w/o sounding desperate and/or like i'm the one who wants more (im not sure I do)?
sagetalk Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Why do girls do FWB, it's an epic fail for them . You're giving it away for free, as a man I can tell you for certain that is not a good idea to just give it away to a guy.
Author museumchick Posted December 28, 2009 Author Posted December 28, 2009 Hi Sagetalk, I actually think some women are capable of FWB w/o getting attached. My rekationship with him was never about anything more than sex for the better part of 3 years. It never prevented me from seeing or pursuing other people (we wouldn't see each other during the times i was with other people). The emotions came into play when we started talking on a daily basis and really getting to know each other on a different level. This isn't what either of us signed up for at this point.
aerogurl87 Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Hi Sagetalk, I actually think some women are capable of FWB w/o getting attached. My rekationship with him was never about anything more than sex for the better part of 3 years. It never prevented me from seeing or pursuing other people (we wouldn't see each other during the times i was with other people). The emotions came into play when we started talking on a daily basis and really getting to know each other on a different level. This isn't what either of us signed up for at this point. Well museumchick that's where you made your mistake. You started to talk to each other and actually get to know each other. In my experience the only way to have a real, successful FWB type relationship is to only talk to your "friend" about sex or when you wanted them to come over for sex. Once you add the "getting to know you" stage that's where things get messy. I had a FWB and the only time we started to get to know each other on a deeper level was when he got back with his ex and I started dating another guy. Come to find out he was pretty cool aside from being a great f*ck buddy and we became real friends afterwards. Now I wouldn't recommend you tell him that you're falling for him right now since this could be a fleeting emotion. Stop talking to him everyday and see how you both respond. If you miss him and if he continues to initiate the calls all the time, THEN talk to him about it. But go about this slowly since you're slipping into heartbreak territory.
Author museumchick Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 thanks aerogurl. you're so right. i am so angry at him for changing the game--things were fine until he started calling me daily (more than once a day!). i definitely got attached. we made plans on monday for me to go to his place on tuesday and when i got there, he cooked me dinner and gave me a bag full of presents. we've never exchanged gifts and i wasn't expecting anything (he got me scented candles and things in my favorite scent). we had a great evening together and parted ways the next morning. i didn't hear from him at all that day, and we only IM'd the day after (which was new years eve). i texted him to have fun and he texted back "you too!" i didn't hear from him at midnight (yeah, i was disappointed) but i awoke to two texts he sent when he got home after his night out. i called him New Years day and he seemed a little distant and said he'd call me later. He did, and I didn't answer. I called him back yesterday and he didn't answer. i've been a crying mess for 2 days. i'm in deep despite us both pulling away. i am assuming the worst (maybe he met someone? maybe he's done) and driving myself NUTS. we were fine. now i'm starting to read into everything and am driving myself crazy with these scenarios that may or may not be real. was it a mistake for me to not tell him that this is starting to feel too much like a relationship? sorry for the stream of consciousness. i am just such a mess.
sagetalk Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 This is why I despise FWB relationships. It is almost impossible for two people to have sex with each other over a long period of time and neither of them develop feelings for the other which leads to jealousy (since they are dating other people) and all kinds of bad situations. I have no respect for a man that would put a woman in a position like this.
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