BlueeyedJonesy Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 I have posted a few time on LS. I absolutely love the diversity in opinions and great advice. I logged onto this site about a month ago and I visit pretty regularly. I am married to a wonderful man who I just found out is a sexual addict. Of course looking back, all of the signs were there and I should've pushed him into couseling a looong time ago. Everything hit the fan a few months ago (as I stated in a previous post) but hes done things like phone sex, local phone sex, adultfriendfinder, sexsearch, and many others (out of curiousity) then the bombshell was him going to a strip club and recieving lapdances from the same girl twice costing 40$ and lying about it all. (we had an agreement for him not to go to a stripclub with out me & it was the night before our anniversary.) Our sex life is AMAZING and its pretty consistent. We always find time together while raising to amazing children one 4yrs and one 6mos. Our relationship is good!!! but he is very much a sex addict. He recently revealed to me that back in the day (before we were together) he had sex with 2 girls he met on livelinks. he was 18 and 20 and one of them was his first. the other, he cheated on his GF at the time with. I felt sooooo sick to my stomach when he told me this, I feel like I have no idea who he is anymore and I feel incredibly sad for him and the only way I keep from getting angry and grilling him is by telling myself "someone has to be extremely lonely to sleep with someone they meet over the phone at that age." I know he is trying to heal and I am here for him. He says that hes never felt so free in his life. I'm glad he can confide in me. but at the same time I am having MAJOR problems with trust, and I don't act or speak about it because I want him to heal (he is seeing a counselor). Is there anyone out there who has been through something with sexual addiction?? I really need some support. I can't talk to my friends or family about anything because well thats just not right to do to him. how do I start to heal? thanks in advance for any advice.
Ronni_W Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Well...the good news is, of course, that he is in counseling. For your own healing, I'd suggest exactly the same course of action -- find a different therapist so that you, too, can have professional guidance and support to work on the things that you need to work on (forgiveness, trust, esteem, etc.) And/or. Join an in-person support group for 'partners of sex addicts.' If there's not a specific group in your area, Codependents Anonymous meetings may offer you something useful -- at very least, a safe, confidential arena to express your own feelings and experiences, and receive support for that. You can also ask your husband to discuss with his counselor the possibility and timing of a few joint sessions; or ask your own (future) therapist when relationship counseling will be recommended. My instinct is that you will need joint/marital counseling at some point...but that you're both still at a stage where individual would be more beneficial and to pave the way for effective joint. Hugs, and best of luck to you both.
GrayClouds Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I would suggest for you to pick up the book: Women, Sex, and Addiction: A Search for Love and Power by Charlotte Kasl It is for women but the information is helpful with anyone, specially the co-dependence chapters. Good luck
Recommended Posts