wheelwright Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I think a lot of men and women when they have children begin to rework the emotions and commitments in their lives. It is a time of relationship crisis for many. Where do you want to be ten years from now? Do you know what makes you happy? Do you know why you are not content as is? I think in this situation, you will get over OW and be happy, if you married the right woman. I also think you don't understand the scale of what you are talking about. The A is almost tantamount to D emotionally. If you want to fix what you have broken, then you need outside help. That might be coming clean, might be IC/MC or might me some other shift you can make in yourself. Don't live in limbo. DDay would be better than that.
seren Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I think one of the hardest things to deal with during and after H's affair was the wondering why he was being such a pain in the butt and what I had done wrong to make him treat me the way he did. Because he felt guilty he projected that onto me and our relationship, being unaware of what was happening in his life, I automatically assigned all his negativity onto our life together and my self esteem took a beating. I constantly questioned everything I said and did as it just seemed to piss him off. When I knew about the A it became easier as we were both singing from the same hymn sheet and so able to work it out together and look at what is was about our relationship that had broken down and also for him to look at what was happening with him and why he thought an A was the answer. Is it the marriage you want to save or just the idea of the marriage and of course your children? I ask because if it is the children only then you are depriving your wife of the chance to find love again with someone who loves her back - not as a wife, but as a woman, and of course depriving yourself of the chance at happiness. I know about H's affair as he told me, not knowing whether I would leave or not and I am glad I know, but sometimes I wish I didn't know and that he just ended it and worked on us. It's a tough one.
foreal Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I have behaved selfishly and I now need to be selfless. You are delusional. I have a husband just like you- sounds just like you......he didn't think I'd ever find out either...his AP was oh so trust worthy- they were oh so careful...but guess what? I DID FIND OUT. It was totally by accident, but I indeed discovered it. Like you, he figured he could 'spare' me the pain- 'shoulder the burden' himself- like you, in a 'selfless' manner. How noble you selfless men are who cheat while your wives are at home with your babies and then have the gallantry to spare us, you know, because we can't handle it. knock knock... who's there? It's your nut sack calling...
foreal Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 But I know our lives will fall apart if I tell her. Dude, your life and hers fell apart the second you stuck your dick in your AP.
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