lesoiseaux Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Hi guys... So my ex and I have been broken up a little over a week. I've been doing more or less okay, but last night I saw a Facebook update from him saying he was "Back home, finally free!" Since then I've blocked any updates from him from showing up, but not his profile (yet...I know I should...). The moment I saw his update it felt like something grabbed my heart...I didn't feel sad per se I just felt really freaked out and didn't know what to do. I immediately called my friend and we just talked for a while, about relationships and about life in general. But last night I had a bit more trouble falling asleep, and since then I couldn't help but look at his profile a couple times. He rarely uses Facebook so I guess I hadn't really anticipated seeing any updates from him. His profile has nothing new except a post from his cousin. This made me realize I miss him. I'm not really tempted to stop NC, really. Unfortunately this morning when I woke up I panicked and thought, what if by "finally free" he meant he was finally free...from me? I'm talking myself down and telling myself that on the one hand if that's what he meant, well he's a big jerk, and on the other hand, if I knew him at all that's not what he meant, he probably had just been stuck somewhere that had prevented him from going home. AND THEN I tell myself that I'm not even supposed to care what he's doing or thinking...this is advice I tell people but sometimes it's so hard to follow. Anyone else experiencing/has experienced the same thing? I'm not worrying my heart out over this (or at least I'm trying not to, it's worrying me more than I'd like), but it was definitely a bump in my road to recovery. I just miss what we had and now I'm all afraid he feels as though I shackled him down and he's finally free. I don't know, it just isn't a great feeling Insight??
lostboyuk Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Hey lesoiseaux When my GF ended things back in Sept all I did was analyse absolutely every text, email, conversation, everything, over and over again to try to make sense of it (or look for rays of hope)! What I realised was that because my state of mind was less than 'normal' I got it wrong most of the time. It could mean so many things, not least he could be putting on a front to show the world he's tough but he may not be. The point is you just don't know and dwelling on every detail isn't going to help. I hear myself telling you this after being dumped yesterday by phone, I hope I can heed my own advice when the time comes. As many are saying, spend some time on you.
Author lesoiseaux Posted December 28, 2009 Author Posted December 28, 2009 Thanks for your reply lostboyuk. It wasn't what I expected to hear, I was bracing myself for harsh criticism and cries of WHY DID YOU LOOK? DELETE HIM!!! But your reply is much less harsh and rings just as true. It's just strange because I really have been doing fairly well since we broke up. I have been distracting myself pretty well, trying to do things with friends, exercise, etc. I was never really tempted to contact him. This was all very surprising to me because I am typically one to over-analyze, over-think, over-emote, etc.! So I guess times like these just confuse me...but healing is an up and down process, I suppose. At least this means I feel something. And you're right about what he said, as much as highly doubt he was referring to me, if he were I know it's just a front. His sadness during the breakup tells me so. But of course, none of this is my concern! I hope you are doing okay. Even though I am having trouble right now, trust me when I say that each day gets better. If you had asked me when we broke up how I thought I'd be feeling a week later, I would never have expected I'd have started to realize that there is life after my ex and that my ex wasn't all that. That if he ever wanted to get back together, both he and I would have to change. That he would have to be ready for a relationship and that I know I can't accept anything less. So I'll give you your advice back, maybe you can follow it better that way...spend some time on YOU. Do what you like to do. Best of luck.
SadKitty78 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 My ex broke up with me yesterday (yes, what a HAPPY New Year!) and it was like someone punched me in the stomach. Yet, feeling almost as bad as that was seeing him change his relationship status on Facebook! I broke into tears and couldn't breathe! Haven't eaten in two days, nothing goes down, and I'm in this constant daze. I keep looking and looking at his Facebook, but I really need to stop!!!!! NC Day #1 has just ended!
Howitzer Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 @SadKitty78: Sorry to hear about it. You could start another thread for yourself. @Lesoiseaux: Try to focus more on healing yourself. By that I mean, think about a future without your ex, and believing that it will be a happy future with someone else. His feelings about you really shouldn't be a priority right now. Maybe he's relieved to be out of the relationship, and that makes you feel crappy. Because he doesn't like you anymore. However, he chose to date you for however long it was, so that means that you're a desirable person. For X amount of time, he wanted to be with you. You're highly attractive! Use this to try to see your future without the guy. I used this to stop thinking about how my ex didn't want me anymore. For 6 years she wanted me .
LovelyDaze Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 For all of you guys sake..please use the HIDE button on the top right hand corner of your ex's status update.You won't see it at first, you have to hoover your mouse over it. This will block you from seeing anything they do minus personal e-mails sent to you OR if they want to post to YOUR wall. Anything on the home and status update page will be hidden from your broken heart and that is a blessing. Don't torture yourselves. Hide the statuses and even one day, you'll be able to delete the ex from your Facebook,
Space Ritual Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Well Ia ma sorry that it happened to you, And yes I am going to tell you to stop torturing yourself by looking at FB statuses and profiles...but I wont be that harsh, because I know its easier said than done. lesoiseaux, That status he put their about being free is exactly what I mean when I have told people before about how some like to use social sites as a mental weapon. Please understand that deep down he wanted you to see it for that purpose. especially if , as you say, he rarely uses FB. It's happened to me too on Myspace. I broke up with my GF last year and was doing great with the No Contact. Then one night out of the blue I decided stupidly that I would look at her profile after 8 months just to see how she was doing. I learned on her status that since we broke up that she was married and 5 months pregnant. So at that point I simply deactivated my account because I felt like it threw me back to square one. I really urge you for the short term to just deactivate the account. FB is NOT THAT IMPORTANT AND YOU CAN DO WITHOUT IT FOR AWHILE! Even this baby step will go a long way towards the beginning of your healing, and with FB you can always reactivate it without much problem. Sad Kitty I read your thread a couple of minutes ago. That is tough because you both were drinking and I understand how you must have felt especially if you are scared that you will get burned. I'd give yourself some space to see if the guy is worth you pining for . I mean yeah so you tried to get away from him at the club. Booze tends to bring our thoughts to the surface, but in light of that I think your guy treated you pretty harshly. I mean I could see him dumping you if you went out of your way to blatantly hit on somebody in front of him or tried to leave with another guy, But if he lets your talk yourself hoarse for an hour and tells you to hit the road, is that the type of guy you see a future with?
Howitzer Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 I don't think there's a need to antagonize the guy. Who knows what he was thinking when he made a facebook update. It's a damn four word update. You're done with the relationship. Hurtful things were said and done in it, but just move on. Leave the bitterness behind, and look forward.
adamt Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 please block you ex on facebook. it is very hard to do but it will make you feel better later on and stop you from being addicted to checking their profile. what you dont know can't hurt you.
CaliGuy Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Going to your exes facebook page is akin to beating yourself in the head with a baseball bat. Nothing good ever comes from that. The best thing for you to do is to DELETE and BLOCK them. That's what I did in the past and I've never regretted it.
adamt Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 day after i was dumped she changed her status to single. it felt she was relieved to got rid of me, it hurt like hell. took me a month to block her. you have to block him if you have mutual friends.
DenverBachelor Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 First it was Friendster but that sucked. Then it was MySpace but that got taken over by Jr. High kids across America. Now it's Facebook. There should be a breakup App for Facebook that replaces the picture of your ex with a Donkey and changes their name to "Ass"
Brightmoon Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Going to your exes facebook page is akin to beating yourself in the head with a baseball bat. Nothing good ever comes from that. The best thing for you to do is to DELETE and BLOCK them. That's what I did in the past and I've never regretted it. Yup!! This is exactly how painful it feels to look at the website of the guy I am trying to let go of. It's that painful and that pointless. I have now resolved not to look on his website until I have no feelings for him what so ever. By then I will have moved on and not want to look anyway:)
Author lesoiseaux Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 Haha, I had actually forgotten I'd started this thread! I'm well on my way to getting over my ex, much MUCH sooner than I'd expected. I ended up hiding him but not deleting him, but I haven't looked at his profile since. Assuming I knew my ex, I'm sure he wasn't using the update as any sort of "psychological weapon." And knowing myself, I overreacted. But I agree, Facebook and other social sites can be the worst when dealing with a breakup. But I'm leaving for France tomorrow and have been talking to another guy (), so who cares about my ex and his dumb Facebook!
LovelyDaze Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 First it was Friendster but that sucked. Then it was MySpace but that got taken over by Jr. High kids across America. Now it's Facebook. There should be a breakup App for Facebook that replaces the picture of your ex with a Donkey and changes their name to "Ass" That would be AMAZING!!
dazzle22 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 HYSTERICAL, AND A FAB IDEA!!!First it was Friendster but that sucked. Then it was MySpace but that got taken over by Jr. High kids across America. Now it's Facebook. There should be a breakup App for Facebook that replaces the picture of your ex with a Donkey and changes their name to "Ass"
Wicker_Parked Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 (edited) As the dumpee i posted on my Facebook how great i was going, it was true, once dumped you seek ways to twist the knife and tell your ex that she is going to regret ever doing the dumping, is sad, its immature but yet its something that you may do as a dumpee to make yourself feel better, i once put up on my FB wall 'dont get mad, get someone hotter' to which i had a couple of women positively comment on my wall about how they did this to cheer themselves up and flaunted it infront of there exs... I guess after seeing this status update and the replies my ex immediately told me she was un friending me as i am trying to hurt her. But soon after that she called me up 5 days after we broke up while i was snowboarding with my friends on trip and said she slept with some random in the back seat of his car...Talk about payback times infinity lol....Lesson learned, dont play games people especially with women Edited January 4, 2010 by Wicker_Parked
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