brock9911 Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 i had a severe anxiety attack 2 weeks ago. i panicked and texted my ex. she talked me down a bit than of coarse the small talk starts and i find out shes seeing other people yada yada. that depressed me beyond belief especially b4 the holidays. she than texts me on christmas wishing me a merry and we exchange stories and what we've gotten. i than get a random message yesterday asking me what was with all the texts. i told her i needed someone to talk to with my anxiety. she goes on to say how im vague and i confuse her. that she doesnt know what im looking for or what not. she than goes into y i became so distant and cold. iv always been like that, a guard up. iv been screwed so many times in life i have a hard time dealing with it. she said where did the person i fell in love with go this that and the other. i said im still that person, she was so blinded by love that she never took into effect my flaws, which i know is alot. she says how she wants me back and what drove us to this....ur inability to be faithful is a big reason. i wont tolerate cheating especially 4 times. she said how she was lonely and i wasnt around. i took her everywhere. we went on vacations approx once a month. i was alway there. she didnt have her own friends. all her friends were mine and because of that she was up my ass 24 7. we drove each other apart and we fought constantly. she went through my texts and emails and would attack me. she broke up with me because she thought i was cheating, which i never did. all this being said, i know we shouldnt be together, than y m i hurting so much and constantly thinking of her and the possibility us being together? im so confused
HeavenOrHell Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Could you both go for relationship therapy together, see if there is a way through? It will help you work out if it is possible to give things another go. Has anything changed for the better since you split which gives you hope it might work out this time?
Author brock9911 Posted December 28, 2009 Author Posted December 28, 2009 I dunno, we went a few months without talking. i had lots of bitterness and hatred in me for what she did, the cheating ect. i have ocd so i dwell on subjects which sux cuz i couldnt get the images of her cheating out of my head. i wanted it to work, but even her own self guilt led her to breaking up with me and i never cheated.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 I would seriously see if you can go to therapy together, I shouldn't be a fan of it really as my ex left me after he had several sessions But it will help sort out whether there's a chance for the two of you. I suffer with GAD and depression and my ex suffers with depression, it doesn't help that's for sure:rolleyes: It sounds like you would both like to at least talk about it? I dunno, we went a few months without talking. i had lots of bitterness and hatred in me for what she did, the cheating ect. i have ocd so i dwell on subjects which sux cuz i couldnt get the images of her cheating out of my head. i wanted it to work, but even her own self guilt led her to breaking up with me and i never cheated.
nobmagnet Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 relationship counciling maybe Sorry if this is out of line.......havent you anybody else to talk to about your anxiety? you seem a bit too dependant on he for emotional support ect. She screwed around! thats something that is almost impossible to get over as a couple. Try to get help for you first. Help with OCD help with cogniative behaviour changes. You have nothing to loose. Just think how amazing it would beif you could control yourself better?? It has helped me no end I felt like i was rubbish at everything by the time he left me for the first time. I got help and read books about low self esteem. Wow what an eye opener. HE CAUSED IT. He really did! My awakeningback to my former self is amazing andjust gets better. So i would emplore you to not use her as an emotional pole to lean on.......lean elsewhere. your worth it as some beauty product says!!!!!! xx
Author brock9911 Posted December 28, 2009 Author Posted December 28, 2009 True, iv been through counseling and therapy and psychiatrists and anger management therapy my hole life. somewhere along the way i got the **** end of the stick with my mental emotions...ocd, anxiety, bi-polar. all things iv tried to control, but it just seems liek an uphill battle sometimes. and some of the intrusive irrational thoughts that come into my head are so obscure and rediculous i have trouble letting them go. and friends r deff not the people i want to know or tell about what goes through my mind. shes really the only one whos really lived through my problems, and that anxiety attack was an extreme one. i couldnt think clearly. i am gonna go back to my dr.'s but i still dont really like talking to them cuz they try to give advice, but their advice pertains to a rational thinker...clear minded, and they dont know me or who i am. so their answers sometimes make absolutely no sence to me. idk all i know is i have a good 15 friends who despise her for what she did and they tell me how she was a lush and a flirt when ever she drank. my parents and sister lost all respect for her, how could nethgin work if my friends and family wont accept her
nobmagnet Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 ok this is a complicated one. Bi-polar is a horrible illnesss and im sorry you suffer. It does put a different slant on things tho doesnt it? You medication might be a miss. Go to the doc and maybe ask for more or less? I have 3 prople I know with that problem and its so hard for them. Its maybe like different world you see to your family and freinds. The insuing frustration you feel because they cant see your world is annoying. I can see she was your rock. You were well when you met her. You are maybe are having major wobble right now and she might be frightened. If you could go to the doctors it might be better than you think, you might be too high on your medication but if you need more...........take it. if you had diabieties would you refuse treatment?? I very much doubt it. all my love neet xx sorry if this hurts in any way I didnt mean it to. i feel for your pain.
Author brock9911 Posted December 28, 2009 Author Posted December 28, 2009 it hurts and it is very annoying. when one problem insues, for the most part the other is at bay. but bi-polar mood swings are so hard to handle and take control of. and than when thats under control i get to thinking about everything cuz my mind never stops. i dwell on little things or things that are ridiculous or not a problem. this causes the anxiety to flare in ways i never wish on anyone. i panicked and talked to her, but i needed that release. i was taking medication but its so damn expensive. i was on seroquil, lexapro, and klonopin, and on top of that i have asthma which i take singulair flovent and provental. all these together cost me over $500 a month. its hard to deal with especially when most of these medications dont come generic. im gonna have to go back and find a different plan to get me balanced better. but i know for a fact that i use her as a crutch cuz im comfortable around her. but i think shes way to emotionaly messed up also that us together was like a poison. we fought alot but when we werent together we wanted each other...very strange
nobmagnet Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 bless you. ****. Im sorry but blighty NHS is good. Come here! im sorry for your pain and i can see that you can see somethings wrong for you. It chemical inblance? sorry i know some stuff......enough to know its a hidious problem. I send my love and will be here if you need to talk. I dont know you well I know but I have a small insight to your pain. doc first. xxxxxxxxxxxxx
HeavenOrHell Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 it's s*** in my part of the UK, I've had problems since I was tiny and been fighting for help, I have suffered acute anxiety all my life and periods of depression, I have been depressed most of my life but sometimes it is more bearable than at other times. My ex got ongoing help for his depression, I had 6 sessions of cbt and that was it. I haven't worked for over 20 years because of it. It was hard that my ex got help and I didn't, even though he functions better in society than I do, he got help and I didn't. It may have helped our relationship if I'd got help too. I now pay for therapy when I can afford it. I can't even go to the only support group around here as he goes, I would have been referred to it otherwise. I'm so glad he got help, but I wish could have got help too. Sorry Brock, got side tracked there. bless you. ****. Im sorry but blighty NHS is good. Come here! im sorry for your pain and i can see that you can see somethings wrong for you. It chemical inblance? sorry i know some stuff......enough to know its a hidious problem. I send my love and will be here if you need to talk. I dont know you well I know but I have a small insight to your pain. doc first. xxxxxxxxxxxxx
nobmagnet Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 oh again ........sorry. i was lucky and.........not as ill. i hold out a pathetic hand of freindship, xxxxxxxx
nobmagnet Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 its **** that other illnesses are treatedwith the compassion they deserve and not mentalhealth xx
HeavenOrHell Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Oh bless! it's not your fault. I think the lack of help taps into the feeling I've carried around since childhood that I'm not important, that I don't matter. Thanks hun xxxx oh again ........sorry. i was lucky and.........not as ill. i hold out a pathetic hand of freindship, xxxxxxxx
Author brock9911 Posted December 28, 2009 Author Posted December 28, 2009 Well the unfortunate thing for lots of people on LS is they do suffer from some sort of insecurities, depression, anxiety. but this is what makes most of us compassionate and thoughtful. i know in the long run my caring too much will hopefully pay off. and the people who dont care about the rest around them wont really be happy cuz all their trying to do is constantly satisfy themselves
Simply Sarah Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 I was cheated on myself and it hurts. Try to look at it this way, you did not cause your ex to cheat. That is what I keep telling myself.
Author brock9911 Posted December 28, 2009 Author Posted December 28, 2009 exactly. and iv said from the beginning that if i was wrong and wasnt showing enough attention or caring enough, than a break would suffice to slap me into gear, not cheating
nobmagnet Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 brock never a true sentence spoken. big hearted prople seem to fall hardest xx
Recommended Posts