datura_noir Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 They both said that nothing negative was ever said about me...big red flag there....otherwise, how could he continue?? I DO know that he had told her that I had cheated on him early in our relationship, and she alluded to that in her email to me...he also told others about this 'supposed' cheating, when the real story was that it never happened. I still, to this day, want him to clear my name of that charge, but he insists we let bygones be bygones. I just don't feel ok with others thinking that I cheated on him. The 'cheating' he referred to was this----On the night I MET him at a local pub, after not seeing him for twenty years,(purely a chance meeting) he asked me to go away with him for the weekend. I wouldn't have gone anyway, but my ex-boyfriend (who was a nice guy)was coming up to visit from the South, and he wanted to go to NYC that weekend. Plans had been made a month in advance. I told him ALL about our plans, and he said "ok, well let's meet up sometime later that week and have dinner-our first date!" I agreed. And he never mentioned to me having any problem with this. But this was me cheating??? I do know he also told her stuff about my kids, my health problems, way more than she needed to know. It hurts, and this thread has triggered me tonight....sorry:(
NoIDidn't Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 I said in the thread in OM/OW that my H swore he never said a bad word about me to his OW, but I know differently. She tells me that she doesn't know "my side" to our marriage, and I am supposed to think that he never mentioned me? LOL. Seriously. I just used his complaints post-dday to fill in the blanks of the things that he likely said. If he complained to me that he only felt like a paycheck, I took that to mean that he probably told her that I only wanted him for his money, and so on. Now, because she had a live-in boyfriend, he didn't have to talk about me much, because she spent soooooo much time complaining about her boyfriend. She was so upset that I exposed the EA to her boyfriend, that all she did was rant about me to him when they met. My H must have been really frustrated following that meeting to come home and tell me any and everything that I'd wanted to know prior to that meeting. She should just be glad that I didn't have that info BEFORE I spoke with her boyfriend. LOL.
DrIndigo Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 My AP told me the bad and, later, the good about his W. Mostly, he told me about the "big" things that had happened between them which led him to be unhappy in his marriage. Often, I would become upset on his behalf upon hearing some of what his W had done over the course of their relationship. He was always quick to tell me that he was no longer angry over any of it and did not think badly of her. Obviously, though, he had decided he no longer owed her honesty or respect after all that had happened. Over the unbelievably long and convoluted course of our relationship, I have usually been able to tell when things were going well between them. At these times, the guilt he felt about seeing me and about lying to his W caused him a lot of anguish and usually resulted in him being temporarily more distant with me. At some point, he started telling me, without me asking, that he was feeling particularly bad that day because his W had actually been quite nice that morning, etc. And as he has come to realize the role he played in creating his unhappy marriage (through IC), he has shared that with me as well. At this point, we have agreed that it's not helpful for him to share all the little ups and downs of his marriage with me as he is trying to work up the courage to leave it. But before he became serious about changing his life, he shared all the details - the good and the bad. Of course, everything is still from his perspective, but I give him credit for having much good to say about the woman he married. We don't have much in common and would never be friends (even if he weren't in the picture), but I do not view her as evil incarnate or anything like that. My AP simply says they are two basically good people who turned out not to be very compatible.
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