Charisma Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Hey gang, I recently celebrated my 30th birthday and I decided that I really want to start enjoying my life more. The last 10 years I have spent earning two degrees and school and more school it feels like. All of a sudden I have been asked out more than ever, but really what I want is just the freedom to date whomever I please. There is someone who is really interested in me, but I wanted to know how honest should I be about where I am in my life. I am unwilling at the moment to date anyone seriously until I find that special person. I am not putting all of my apples in one basket. I really want to make sure I meet someone I will one day marry and stay with....so can I be this honest with this man or should I NOT tell him about any of the other men I am seeing?
b52s Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Hey gang, I recently celebrated my 30th birthday and I decided that I really want to start enjoying my life more. The last 10 years I have spent earning two degrees and school and more school it feels like. All of a sudden I have been asked out more than ever, but really what I want is just the freedom to date whomever I please. There is someone who is really interested in me, but I wanted to know how honest should I be about where I am in my life. I am unwilling at the moment to date anyone seriously until I find that special person. I am not putting all of my apples in one basket. I really want to make sure I meet someone I will one day marry and stay with....so can I be this honest with this man or should I NOT tell him about any of the other men I am seeing? I think your method is backwards, how do you find out someone is "that special someone" without dating them first. It doesn't make sense. I think I know of a few other women like this....lol... You want the freedom to date who ever you please? Not sure I follow, I think you have that already...what makes you think you DONT have that freedom?!
Author Charisma Posted December 28, 2009 Author Posted December 28, 2009 You're right I am not tied down and at the moment I do have my freedom. I guess from dating in the past I always wondered if the guys I were with were seeing other women, as they never told me. I just want anyone I date to know that I am not only seeing them exclusively. I guess I was shocked when I found other boyfriends had other girlfriends and I never knew. It would have lt me know where I stood with them at least and I am not surprised those relationships never worked out.
You'reasian Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Hey gang, I recently celebrated my 30th birthday and I decided that I really want to start enjoying my life more. The last 10 years I have spent earning two degrees and school and more school it feels like. All of a sudden I have been asked out more than ever, but really what I want is just the freedom to date whomever I please. There is someone who is really interested in me, but I wanted to know how honest should I be about where I am in my life. I am unwilling at the moment to date anyone seriously until I find that special person. I am not putting all of my apples in one basket. I really want to make sure I meet someone I will one day marry and stay with....so can I be this honest with this man or should I NOT tell him about any of the other men I am seeing? How far are you into the relationship? Its going to take alot of conversation and tap dancing, especially considering what you've communicated to him AND what you've told him you've been doing Its good practice to be straight forward about the relationship from the start to let the other person know where you are. Women whom are learning what want or don't want others to know what they want hit this wall. Women whom know themselves are pretty much straight forward from the beginning. Either way, best of luck in finding what you want.
Author Charisma Posted December 28, 2009 Author Posted December 28, 2009 Well I'm not very far into the relationship at all, so that is why I want to make sure I am honest. I never dated a a lot in my 20s, I was just too career oriented and wanted to avoid some of the mistakes my friends got into, such as marrying too young without experiencing life. Right now my health is good and I want to travel, spend time with family and date casually, so that I can learn more about myself and dating in general. Is it alright to communicate this info on a third date?
MyNameIsJonas Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Well I'm not very far into the relationship at all, so that is why I want to make sure I am honest. I never dated a a lot in my 20s, I was just too career oriented and wanted to avoid some of the mistakes my friends got into, such as marrying too young without experiencing life. Right now my health is good and I want to travel, spend time with family and date casually, so that I can learn more about myself and dating in general. Is it alright to communicate this info on a third date? There's nothing wrong with what you are doing. I would personally respect a woman who knew what she wanted in life and was willing to state that from the get-go. That being said, holding out until the 3rd date might be a bit too late, imo. I know you want to focus on you, but you have to consider your date's feelings at least a bit. Three dates in and the question of a relationship comes up; a statement such as your that far in may be seen as a rejection. I'd say 2nd date if you didn't know the date beforehand, 1st if you two were friends before you started dating.
stevejohnson1976 Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 casually date and be upfront with your 'courters'. love and attraction will smack you in the face when you least expect it
mansquito Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 If laying everything out explicitly makes you uncomfortable ("Yeah, so I just wanted to let you know that I don't plan on settling down with anybody for awhile. In fact, I'm boning like five different dudes right now.") then consider bringing it up in the context of a broader discussion about your goals and aspirations for the next few years. Start off by asking him what he's planning on doing. When he inevitably asks you the same question, start off with a bit of your history, and bring up that you'd like to travel, hang out with a bunch of people, and see if anything clicks with any one particular person. Any guy who's going to assume exclusivity after that kind of discussion is probably not the type of guy you're looking to hang out with.
txsilkysmoothe Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Before agreeing to a second date, you should let a man know that you're not looking for exclusivity. Then he can decide if he wants to continue to see you. The bigger question may be what would be the reason for NOT telling a man you are dating others? For fear of losing him? even though you're not seriously interested? To hold on to someone who you're not seriously interested in is selfish.
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