55XL 33BR Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 (edited) I haven't spoke with or contacted my ex since April of this year. He is currently involved in another relationship and I am effectively single but distracted with school (last year of law school). I have ignored his attempts at contacting me (via through friends and other venues) and I have even changed my number. He, about once a month, will send an e-mail to my work e-mail, saying how he wants to rebuild a friendship...or just little nuances like have a great day or "be nice to your students (i'm a TA)" I was his first love and I devastated him when I broke his trust. I ended up lying about something and swore I was telling him the truth. When I owned up to this blunder, we effectively separated. I have learned from my mistakes and have become a better person because of this break-up. He taught me more about myself than he will ever know. Here is the problem: I am still uncontrollably, madly in love with him and we have not spoken in almost 8 months. The thought of him with another person turns my stomach. I have ignored him, but I still do not have the courage to tell him to stop contacting me. He wants to "rebuild" a friendship, but the thought of being just his friend would utterly destroy me. Therefore, no contact is the lesser of two evils. How do I work the courage to tell him to stop contacting me? I almost feel obligated as his first love to form a relationship with him...and part of me will always belong to him and part of me will always be IN love with him. I'm truly lost or am I? Edited December 28, 2009 by snpjr
Kantor Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 I haven't spoke with or contacted my ex since April of this year. He is currently involved in another relationship and I am effectively single but distracted with school (last year of law school). I have ignored his attempts at contacting me (via through friends and other venues) and I have even changed my number. He, about once a month, will send an e-mail to my work e-mail, saying how he wants to rebuild a friendship...or just little nuances like have a great day or "be nice to your students (i'm a TA)" I was his first love and I devastated him when I broke his trust. I ended up lying about something and swore I was telling him the truth. When I owned up to this blunder, we effectively separated. I have learned from my mistakes and have become a better person because of this break-up. He taught me more about myself than he will ever know. Here is the problem: I am still uncontrollably, madly in love with him and we have not spoken in almost 8 months. The thought of him with another person turns my stomach. I have ignored him, but I still do not have the courage to tell him to stop contacting me. He wants to "rebuild" a friendship, but the thought of being just his friend would utterly destroy me. Therefore, no contact is the lesser of two evils. How do I work the courage to tell him to stop contacting me? I almost feel obligated as his first love to form a relationship with him...and part of me will always belong to him and part of me will always be IN love with him. I'm truly lost or am I? You broke his trust, and his heart... yet he wants to have a friendship with you? Sounds like he might not know exactly what he wants either.. I think you need to have a open, civil communication with this guy. Tell him where you stand and what you want, let him do the same. If your not in the same place, at least you have some closure and you can go from there.
gaudi Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 WORDS OF WISDOM from Kantor here. Someone who you say you love very much is doing their level best to get in touch with you ?? They may initially be saying as building a friendship (but people say a lot of things, and not neccessarily what they actually mean). You have to speak to EX, if only for closure, either way, you will then know where you stand. Good luck.
TaraMaiden Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 My partner is sitting his final Law exams in May (he already has done 2, and has been advised that with accumulated marks for dissertations and coursework, he's already passed, but no...he want's his first class honours....! ) so I know that distractions of this kind can be murder on the mind and clout the concentration completely. Ok, here we go.... "Dear *his name* Thank you for keeping in touch with me. Right now, I'm truly at a critical stage in my studies at present, and as such, must concentrate on revision and coursework. My other problem is that, when all has been said and done, much as I would like to renew contact with you, I still have very deep feelings for you, and could only contemplate contact if it meant renewing our relationship and trying again, as an involved and committed couple. Friendship with you at present, is not something I can contemplate, on either a practical, nor an emotional level. The distraction is too great and the pain too deep. Please, allow me to contact you when my studies are complete, but only if you can assure me that we might be able to embark on a relationship. But not one that simply stops at friendship. However, as you are now involved with somebody else romantically, this would appear to a both futile and pointless option'. So the only solution is to ask you to please - please - refrain from contacting me at all. I'm making efforts to move on without you. I would request you do the same, where I am concerned. *Name*" or words very much to that effect. Cut paste, edit/modify and send. Hugs, TM
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