dashing daisy Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 I'm really scared I will never have that with anyone else. It's the reason I want to be with him again. What if he was the one??
Eisenhower Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 I understand what you're going through. I fear I'll never have what I had with my ex too (however, in my case, it's almost completely in a physical sense). But in my case, I balance that with the fact that I know she's a liar and I could never trust her again. So if I were to take her back, I know there's be short term euphoria followed by a lifetime of distrust and even shame for taking her back. I don't know if there are any issues like that in your case, but I do know what you mean - we've idealized our ex and fear we'll never find as good again. In truth, they may never find as good as us again ... you just never know. Hang in there. Eisenhower
PinkToes Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 If he really is the one for you, you'll be together again. Trust that whatever is best for you in the end is what will happen. I try to remind myself of this too. That I miss what we had, but maybe there are good reasons we didn't work out. And that someday, it will all make sense. I'm not completely there yet either. But I do try to remember that whatever is really in my best interest is what will be. Even when it doesn't seem like it, and I feel like I'd give anything to go back to where we were.
cdt76 Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 A good friend of mine once told me that you do not love her/him anymore but you love the idea/ideal of her/him. We love how that person made us feel and we loved the type of relationship it was. We loved the love and the passion and intensity and we loved the desire. We loved everything it represented and we loved it so much that we became apart of it. We shared everything and we experienced everything together and we have this belief that it was perfect. The problem is that while the idea of her/him was perfect she/he was not. I'm still trying to accept that. I fell in love with an image and a feeling and a life but when she left for another, the reality is that she was not the one. I can only tell you that it is the most devastating feeling in the world. I'm at rock bottom and fear, just as you do, that I will never feel that way again. I cry and ache for it. Maybe the ideal doesn't exist or maybe it did but only for a fleeting moment in time. I don't know. I do know now what it's like to completely lose myself in another and I know I probably won't allow that to happen again. I do believe in the ideal and I am hoping that I won't settle for anything less, even if it means being alone.
curiousnycgirl Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 No I miss him. I miss his intelligence, his wit. The comfortable way we could sit in silence all day and be happy. Our shared interests. But I do not miss what he had become - mean, biting and nasty to me, in a word hateful
bayouboi Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 I'm really scared I will never have that with anyone else. It's the reason I want to be with him again. What if he was the one?? Hey I feel you and feel for you. I don't have any pep to offer, but just wanted to let you know that you're not the only one feeling this way.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 I do too I think I would find this a bit easier if he was a horrible person, but he's not, everyone says how lovely he is, argh.... 18 years of sharing everything. I feel in my heart I will not find someone so special again, some people never have what we had, I don't think I would be lucky enough to find it again. People say there isn't just 'the one,' that we can have more than one 'the one' in our lives. Well I truly hope this is true.
Author dashing daisy Posted December 29, 2009 Author Posted December 29, 2009 Thank you all for your thoughtful responses. This is really, really hard. I never realized how awful break ups could be until this one. I honestly did not feel like it was "time" to break up, I thought our relationship was going to be something more than what it was. Breaking NC in the beginning made it a lot harder...I didn't reply for a while, then when I did he told me he regretted breaking it off, wished he didn't, he still loved me...that was awful. I wish now that I either hadn't broken NC or he hadn't said those things. It gave me hope that it would work out, and we would be back together. I am trying to believe it will not be impossible to find what we had. There will be more than one "one". It was just this immediate connection between us, I had never felt anything like that before, and I haven't since...yet, hopefully. When we talked it was...crazy. We got along so well, every moment just felt right. Being with him felt good...different. Anyway, now I'm reminiscing which is not helpful. It's over, I know that now. He doesn't love me anymore, he is busy being single and looking for new relationships. So that's that. I'm ready and willing to move on now, I wasn't while I knew he still loved me. I can't imagine being in a relationship for a while, but I'm okay with having some solid 'me' time. Just focusing on what I want in life and being who I want to be. I still waver though. Sometimes I want to read old e-mails, or look at photos. It's not as often as it was, and I don't give in. Someday it will be okay to look at those pictures, I will remember the good times without being caught up in the pain of losing him, losing us. Now is not that time. It still hurts knowing he wasn't the person I thought he was, or he didn't want to be that person for me. Keeping NC now, for good. I tried my best to make it work, I gave it all I could, and he didn't want to meet me halfway. He didn't care enough, or didn't think he could, whatever. I gave the relationship my best, it's gone, now I'm back to giving ME my best.
duskandsummer Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I don't know if this will help..because I know how hard it is to feel one way and think another way. But im scared of that everyday..that he was the one for me, and I will never find anyone else. The truth is, right now and even then..he was the one for me..he still is. Everything about that person is exactly what I have been looking for. But just because the pieces are perfect..doesn't mean they will fall into place. He is the one for me, but I wasn't for him and that is why we aren't meant to be..regardless of how perfect for me he may be..do you get what im saying? every heartbreak gets us a step closer to the one who is truly meant for us, and fate will make it happen. It may sound childish or naive..but I think things happens for a reason..and we have to let life play out instead of obsessing on what could of been.. you should really watch 500 days of summer. Its a really good movie, you will see yourself in the main character, I did so many times. The ending was just the little hope I needed to really help me move a little forward in my coping. Am I okay?! of course not, but I know eventually I will be. I know you will be too..you are a beautiful girl..you aren't meant to hurt this way forever..I promise.
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