meerkat stew Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 true, men do that too. Yes we do, especially when we have the hots for the woman wanting us to meet the new soulmate (who ends up to be some ridiculous parody of a functioning adult male human being...and also very good looking) The difference is that the person who is mature an has their priorities straight will listen to the warning signs as opposed to proceeding solely on the exterior bells and whistles. Well most people aren't red-flag waving monsters... at least early on, but agree otherwise. I consider myself mature, rational and experienced, and still catch myself "liking" qualities from time to time in a hottie that really aren't there. Maturity is a curse in that it is constantly subject to overruling by the gonads if we aren't vigilant. Thing is though, sometimes it's more fun to be less vigilant, if that makes any sense, or rather, if I pulled out the red flag microscope on many of my more colorful friends or relationships, I'd have run the other way long ago, and imagine many feel the same. Oh so now women who go out with men who are slightly less attractive than them it's because the guy is smitten rich? C'mon I am not talking about glaring physical differences I am talking about a woman who is slightly more attractive than the man, in more than one way. I don't see that as much unless the guys is exceptionally good looking, I have seen more exceptionally good looking guys withe more average good looking girls than above average good looking guys with average girls. Men tend to date up in almost all instances, I know I am a girl... Of course not all women dating a slight mismatch are gold diggin hos. Lots are though. In my geography, I see many more mismatched couples where the man is far better looking, and if you will reveal that locale where most women date slightly down, I will be on the next plane (provided it's not somewhere that begins with a C and ends with ornication). Ok you have this uncanny tendency to take an example sited and to twist it to the umpteenth degree to prove a point. Well duh, serves you right for arguing with a lawyer on the interwebz. Oh and you ignore all my best points too neener neener, how about dealing with my well-crafted "ugly man 'alpha' behavior = sonic boom of fleeing women, good looking 'alpha' behavior = "he's a -real- man... with the exact same behavior" The OK cupid thing was done by the site, in an attempt to sell more subscriptions. As bogus as marketing studies can be sometimes, they aren't usually total hogwash when they cost money and people's jobs are at stake in a rough economy. The simple finding was that women on that site tend to rate average men lower in attractiveness than men tend to rate average women, not just a function of lonely souls on the net. Go dig it up, it's great reading. I didn't understand your point here otherwise. Well see and that is my point right there, we tend to pick partners in based on the deficiencies we feel be have to compensate for what we are lacking that is what you can attribute a lot of the mismatched couples that we see on the streets. What we cannot see is what is perfectly a good pairing if you had insight into the dynamics of each and every couple that walks the streets that stands out for us. But as an overall I tend to see more good looking women with men who are not equally matched than the other way around. I am not talking about extremism, just not perfectly matched solely from and aesthetic stand point. I think that speaks volumes of what men seek vs what women seek. Which is why the relative attractiveness of established couples we see out and about is not good hypothesizing fodder for what works in -initial attraction-. You are adding in way too many variables. My position, simply stated, is that we are wired to find certain things attractive through our eyes, and to a lesser extent, noses and ears. Once we are so stimulated, we, even the mature among us, are prone to fictionalizing inner qualities in our "eye candy" before it is rational to do so. Often, behavior described as "alpha" is really just a hot guy acting like he's hot and knows it, and vice versa for women. To this extent, attitude does come into play. But Mr. Merrick can display all the cocky funny alpha "tude" he likes and will still be stroking his own trunk in bed that night.
edward-e Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 in all actuality, if you read the how many sexual partners have you had thread. the two highest sex partners were women. so i dont think men are that sex starved animals. that being said ive only been with 3 women and have all three were LTRs, so i cant specifically say why men have sex with women who have nothing going for them other than their looks. Though i do think it has a lot to do with "notches" in a bed post to brag about... As for the women, i think the reason women are flocking around the same two guys at the party like AD meantioned and are putting more emphasis on how guys look are mainly because they get hit on and flirted with and guys try to get phone numbers and dates so often that they can pick and choose and not really care about what other people think because they are just gunna get more people coming up to them later. its like getting 10 grand a month doing nothing...ull spend a lot of money on stupid things because you know the next month the moneys just gunna be there again...
InspiredbyYou Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Ill blame it on biology i guess since thats what women do when they demand their preferences for tall good looking rich Men.. Ok that's a fair answer, but what exactly in your biology says that having sex with a woman you know you cannot stand for more than one night, dictates this act?
AD1980 Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Ok that's a fair answer, but what exactly in your biology says that having sex with a woman you know you cannot stand for more than one night, dictates this act? Men are wired to spread their seed apparently.. I dont beleive its a valid excuse i just figured id blame something on biolgy since women constantly do it.
Woggle Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 If I can't find a good woman worth commiting to am I supposed to just live like a monk? If more women made themselves worth the effort and worth a real commitment then they wouldn't find themselves in the sex buddy file. It is actually better for a man if he plays around until he finds a woman worth commiting to. Players who finally find the one usually have the best and longest lasting marriages. Men do look at women as more than sexual objects. I certainly look at my wife as way way more than that but most women I met in between marriages did not offer anything besides good sex and a chance to have a hot woman on my arm. If that is all a woman offers that is how she gets treated.
Author skydiveaddict Posted December 28, 2009 Author Posted December 28, 2009 And this is precisely why men get continually pegged as little sex starved animals, end of story. sex starved little animals? c'mon what would EVER give you the idea that men are after sex, when really skydiving is what REALLY matters!
cognac Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 If I can't find a good woman worth commiting to am I supposed to just live like a monk? If more women made themselves worth the effort and worth a real commitment then they wouldn't find themselves in the sex buddy file. It is actually better for a man if he plays around until he finds a woman worth commiting to. Players who finally find the one usually have the best and longest lasting marriages. Men do look at women as more than sexual objects. I certainly look at my wife as way way more than that but most women I met in between marriages did not offer anything besides good sex and a chance to have a hot woman on my arm. If that is all a woman offers that is how she gets treated. Yeah really, very few women i know have much to offer other than their bodies and looks. IF anything the prevelance of men only wanting sex with women is a testament to the fact that most women have paper-thin personalities. Some of the males I meet in my daily life all have unique ideas, hobbies, senses of humor, but all the women I meet in my daily life are almost interchangeable. In our society a woman's only responsibility is to look good, while for men it's to look good and have a great personality, so men are more evolved generally than women in this regard. Women only start to develop their personalities once they are not longer as sexually attractive as before.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 (edited) Well most people aren't red-flag waving monsters... at least early on, but agree otherwise. I consider myself mature, rational and experienced, and still catch myself "liking" qualities from time to time in a hottie that really aren't there. Maturity is a curse in that it is constantly subject to overruling by the gonads if we aren't vigilant. Thing is though, sometimes it's more fun to be less vigilant, if that makes any sense, or rather, if I pulled out the red flag microscope on many of my more colorful friends or relationships, I'd have run the other way long ago, and imagine many feel the same.Look don't even get me started on fun vs responsible actions, but then don't cry over spilt milk when you are trying to hold the carton with a hand that's fallen asleep. (yes I do challenge myself to do stupid stunts sometimes...don't ask....) Of course not all women dating a slight mismatch are gold diggin hos. Lots are though. In my geography, I see many more mismatched couples where the man is far better looking, and if you will reveal that locale where most women date slightly down, I will be on the next plane (provided it's not somewhere that begins with a C and ends with ornication).It starts with C and ends with moose, you have three guesses aaaand GO: Well duh, serves you right for arguing with a lawyer on the interwebz. Oh and you ignore all my best points too neener neener, how about dealing with my well-crafted "ugly man 'alpha' behavior = sonic boom of fleeing women, good looking 'alpha' behavior = "he's a -real- man... with the exact same behavior" Oh but you know how much I love arguing with you online! "Come, come here stewie, show Inspired what she's missed...." I do apologize for missing your previous acclaimed collection of work, but I thought I had responded to all!?!? The OK cupid thing was done by the site, in an attempt to sell more subscriptions. As bogus as marketing studies can be sometimes, they aren't usually total hogwash when they cost money and people's jobs are at stake in a rough economy. The simple finding was that women on that site tend to rate average men lower in attractiveness than men tend to rate average women, not just a function of lonely souls on the net. Go dig it up, it's great reading. I didn't understand your point here otherwise. Fine it's a good poll I think I may have seen it around here a while back actually, but what I meant was that I don't know how real the views of online daters are when a lot of perpetual online daters are so, because of their unrealistic expectations when it comes to people's appearances online. I think people are in fact, or women at least, far more discerning of men's pictures online than they are on men's appearance in person. I know that I have been at parties and have been drawn to men that had an inexplicable charm or charisma that had I not spoken to them in person I would probably have not looked at them twice on the street, let alone on a photo online. So I think women are a lot more forgiving of men's appearance in person when they get to experience the whole presentation as opposed to just a face or body shot. We have already established that this does not play a significant role on men's approach when they see a woman they like. Does she have a good ass, good face, nice legs, full lips I'd like to *BLEEEP*? Good to go. So that is the difference. Which is why the relative attractiveness of established couples we see out and about is not good hypothesizing fodder for what works in -initial attraction-. You are adding in way too many variables. My position, simply stated, is that we are wired to find certain things attractive through our eyes, and to a lesser extent, noses and ears. Once we are so stimulated, we, even the mature among us, are prone to fictionalizing inner qualities in our "eye candy" before it is rational to do so.Agreed! Guilty as charged. Often, behavior described as "alpha" is really just a hot guy acting like he's hot and knows it, and vice versa for women. To this extent, attitude does come into play. But Mr. Merrick can display all the cocky funny alpha "tude" he likes and will still be stroking his own trunk in bed that night. Which is why the term alpha for people is still super gay, as far as I am concerned. If you want any semblance of cool in this life please do not make being an "alpha your goal! Edited December 28, 2009 by InspiredbyYou
meerkat stew Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 I gots to sleep, but if you are talking Canada or Colorado, yes, agree. Wherever I have been there, the women are much better looking (read: thinner) that their contemporaries, and that would lead to many mild mismatches. Come hither to the "fried chicken" belt of the US, and I will show you a much different, and mucho more grim (and greasy) reality.
edward-e Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Fine it's a good poll I think I may have seen it around here a while back actually, but what I meant was that I don't know how real the views of online daters are when a lot of perpetual online daters are so, because of their unrealistic expectations when it comes to people's appearances online. I think people are in fact, or women at least, far more discerning of men's pictures online than they are on men's appearance in person. I know that I have been at parties and have been drawn to men that had an inexplicable charm or charisma that had I not spoken to them in person I would probably have not looked at them twice on the street, let alone on a photo online. So I think women are a lot more forgiving of men's appearance in person when they get to experience the whole presentation as opposed to just a face or body shot. We have already established that this does not play a significant role on men's approach when they see a woman they like. Does she have a good ass, good face, nice legs, full lips I'd like to *BLEEEP*? Good to go. So that is the difference. i agree with this, i actually talked to a girl online and she said that my looks were like a 6 based on my pictures and when i actually met her she said i was an 8, mainly because women look a lot at body language, attitude and mannerisms.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 IF anything the prevelance of men only wanting sex with women is a testament to the fact that most women have paper-thin personalities. And this right there ladies and gentlemen is the piese de resistance! "because most women have paper thing personalities..." that is why we men have 0 power of discernment and consequently total lack of integrity when it comes to sleeping with them, because THEY display qualities that are less than desirable for us to respect. So your proceed to share the best offering you can give to another human being but being sexually intimate with them. Am I the only one that thinks this sounds not only backwards, but also deeply moronic? A woman is not good enough to be respected but she is good enough to offer your body to in the most intimate of acts known to human kind? Guys please you will have to do better than that. Please give me something to work with here.... No offense to you Cognac, just really hope some guy can come up with something less pedestrian than this example because it really does nothing for your cause of wanting to shake this label men have acquired over time of being sex starved puppies.
Author skydiveaddict Posted December 28, 2009 Author Posted December 28, 2009 i was just trying to end this beta /alpha thing , which everone seems to i started, but DIDN'T. i'm going to sleep also merry Christmas everyone
Woggle Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Men don't think of it as offering our body or her offering her body. It is simply some fun sex to us. You are making it much deeper than it actually is.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 If I can't find a good woman worth commiting to am I supposed to just live like a monk? If more women made themselves worth the effort and worth a real commitment then they wouldn't find themselves in the sex buddy file. It is actually better for a man if he plays around until he finds a woman worth commiting to. Players who finally find the one usually have the best and longest lasting marriages. . Uhmm here's a noble idea, how about abstinence until you find the woman you see yourself actually wanting to at least date. Heck no one said dating should be exclusive to things always working out, but in the least you go to bed with someone who in the minimum you are willing to get to know, and can see more than just a "hole" of potential, ie someone in the most basic of ways who you at least respect! Someone cannot command to be taken seriously, when they live their lives like some kind of clown. players who find the one, are usually going bald or can no longer get it up as hard, or are getting a fat belly that is why they settle down, or are simply sick of their debauched lifestyle it has nothing to do with finding "the one" You will NEVER EVER sell me on the idea that the most promiscuous of men make GREAT long term partners in any respect. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard, what could he possibly bring to the table, herpes, a touch of aids, a nonexistent soul, emotional issues? Yum where do I sign up? A player has no clue about relationships or what makes a couple work why would he EVER make a good long term prospect? He has never respected women why would he start now? To a woman who has anything worthwhile to offer, a promiscuous unscrupulous man brings no value to her life whatsoever, don't kid yourself there cowboy!
InspiredbyYou Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 i cant specifically say why men have sex with women who have nothing going for them other than their looks. Though i do think it has a lot to do with "notches" in a bed post to brag about... Finally an honest answer! Sorry I missed this earlier. I think you are on to something there... This definitely ties back to my earlier point that men equate having a beautiful woman by their side, if nothing else she can offer, to being successful. Hence the sexually deviant behavior, it's more of the same...success = how many women they can bed. Again, another form of needing reassurance that they are something "special" i agree with this, i actually talked to a girl online and she said that my looks were like a 6 based on my pictures and when i actually met her she said i was an 8, mainly because women look a lot at body language, attitude and mannerisms. Absolutely! We place a great deal of importance on all those things, that is what contributes to the elusive "spark" we women talk about that men sometimes dismiss as the Pegasus. Anyway, if everyone's gone to bed I guess I should too.... It's no fun being on holydidays when everyone else still has to work....meh it's actually not bad at all...I'm getting whiny, maybe that's a sign I've spent too much time around here today.
edward-e Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 in all actuality my friends think the exact same way as most guys do, which is the attitude of "why not just sleep around til u find someone that you actually wanna be with?". i dont think its right, but i dont think its wrong either. if you're willing to give that to someone and take it from them and thats all you want i understand how men can do it. just not my cup of tea.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 in all actuality my friends think the exact same way as most guys do, which is the attitude of "why not just sleep around til u find someone that you actually wanna be with?". i dont think its right, but i dont think its wrong either. if you're willing to give that to someone and take it from them and thats all you want i understand how men can do it. just not my cup of tea. Well I can think of one good reason why: because it harbors all the disrespect among the genders that we are experiencing on both ends, it promotes emptiness and it further alienates both genders from finding what they ultimately want; a true connection that could lead to what ultimately fulfills us as humans. Deep and sexual passion based on love and admiration rather than a booze induced instant meaningless high. But those are just my old school and perhaps antiquated views, what do I know...
Woggle Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Well I can think of one good reason why: because it harbors all the disrespect among the genders that we are experiencing on both ends, it promotes emptiness and it further alienates both genders from finding what they ultimately want; a true connection that could lead to what ultimately fulfills us as humans. Deep and sexual passion based on love and admiration rather than a booze induced instant meaningless high. But those are just my old school and perhaps antiquated views, what do I know... Do you really think that the rift between men and women is simply about casual sex? Do you really think it is that simple? It is a very antiquated view and you should not expect men to be virgins until they find a woman worth marrying which many never find.
silic0ntoad Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Do you really think that the rift between men and women is simply about casual sex? Do you really think it is that simple? It is a very antiquated view and you should not expect men to be virgins until they find a woman worth marrying which many never find. I agree. The rift between men and women isn't as cut and dried as that You know what they say: nice guys finish last. Guess what? It's true. In every stereotype there is some form of truth. And that statement is completely true. The alpha/beta thing is ridiculous. I don't think people want to accept their true primality when it comes down to the nitty gritty, let alone the modern woman. But who cares? Half the people on there make dating out to be a business deal, and the other half think the person being cheated on or screwed over is in the wrong, so what do I know?
betamanlet Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 If you took a poll, who would get more interest from females: The nigerian guy who burned his genitals off trying to blow up the Delta flight over detroit, due to his religious convictions, or a nice guy? I'll ask a followup question. Is the problem entirely with nice guys or at least partially with the women who would prefer a terrorist over a nice guy?
InspiredbyYou Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Do you really think that the rift between men and women is simply about casual sex? Do you really think it is that simple? It is a very antiquated view and you should not expect men to be virgins until they find a woman worth marrying which many never find. It is a huge contributing factor because everyone is using sex as a band-aid solution these days when what they are really after is true closeness and emotional intimacy. Or so some of you men say you are, since you say you are not sexually driven only and you resent it when people think men are simply that. You spend enough time on this board, surely it hasn't passed you by the confusion that exists, because people sleep together hoping for more and there is always one odd man out in the equation. I never said men should wait until marriage and become perpetual virgins I said men should be more discriminating when it comes to having sex. Why have sex with someone you don't even respect? Why have sex with someone you know you will not like past sticking your penis inside them? No one has answered that. In the animal kingdom the alpha male is the one who mates and impregnates the most females. So if you are going to adapt these terms to social realms in the least be aware of what it pertains to. We have a bunch of people running around trying to mimic alpha behavior and it gets us where other than being more miserable, lonely and confused and angry?
InspiredbyYou Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 The nigerian guy who burned his genitals off trying to blow up the Delta flight over detroit, due to his religious convictions, or a nice guy? I'll ask a followup question. Is the problem entirely with nice guys or at least partially with the women who would prefer a terrorist over a nice guy? Your comments make stupidity sound like an abstruse concept.
espec10001 Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 It is a huge contributing factor because everyone is using sex as a band-aid solution these days when what they are really after is true closeness and emotional intimacy. Or so some of you men say you are, since you say you are not sexually driven only and you resent it when people think men are simply that. You spend enough time on this board, surely it hasn't passed you by the confusion that exists, because people sleep together hoping for more and there is always one odd man out in the equation. I never said men should wait until marriage and become perpetual virgins I said men should be more discriminating when it comes to having sex. Why have sex with someone you don't even respect? Why have sex with someone you know you will not like past sticking your penis inside them? No one has answered that. In the animal kingdom the alpha male is the one who mates and impregnates the most females. So if you are going to adapt these terms to social realms in the least be aware of what it pertains to. We have a bunch of people running around trying to mimic alpha behavior and it gets us where other than being more miserable, lonely and confused and angry? Humans were given faculties that are higher than animals. We have the power to control our urges. Otherwise, you'd just see everyone running around naked raping women left and right acting like, well animals. And in certain parts of the world it is like that, but not civilization. I know why I'm single. I got hurt real bad from a few relationships and I DO NOT want to experience it again. I used to be real outgoing and not have any problem with ladies, until I got burned real bad a couple times. So I decided to pick up a guitar and learn how to sing. I've seen how many women a singer/songwriter can pull in a park on a sunny day, now I wanna give it a shot to see how well I do
AD1980 Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 It is a huge contributing factor because everyone is using sex as a band-aid solution these days when what they are really after is true closeness and emotional intimacy. Or so some of you men say you are, since you say you are not sexually driven only and you resent it when people think men are simply that. You spend enough time on this board, surely it hasn't passed you by the confusion that exists, because people sleep together hoping for more and there is always one odd man out in the equation. I never said men should wait until marriage and become perpetual virgins I said men should be more discriminating when it comes to having sex. Why have sex with someone you don't even respect? Why have sex with someone you know you will not like past sticking your penis inside them? No one has answered that. In the animal kingdom the alpha male is the one who mates and impregnates the most females. So if you are going to adapt these terms to social realms in the least be aware of what it pertains to. We have a bunch of people running around trying to mimic alpha behavior and it gets us where other than being more miserable, lonely and confused and angry? Its old school outdated thinking..If two repsonsible adults want to have unattatched sex i have no problem with it.. The idea that casual sex is ruining things is not accurate..
InspiredbyYou Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 The idea that casual sex is ruining things is not accurate.. Ok then what is your take on it, what is ruining things according to you?
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