Ashes ashes we all fall down

[madrugada]

So how many of you broke NC for the holiday? If you didn't, good for you. If you did, how did it go?

 

I did. I wasn't going to, but in a moment of weakness I sent her a text. It led to a conversation that wrecked me all over again.

 

Here's the story. Stick close; it gets complicated.

 

Christmas Eve there was a winter storm coming in. I didn't make it out of town in time to see my family, so I bought some beer for me, some food for my cat and holed up in my house to wait it out. I've been doing good - over a month NC, starting to finally heal. I've been actively avoiding hearing anything about her, haven't been looking at her Facebook page, calling her, driving by her house, etc., because I just don't want to think about her. And it was going well.

 

Okay. So I was sitting here with my cat, not planning to get in touch with her. Then I got a text from my other ex-fiancee (who still is bitter about our breakup four years ago, and who I barely ever talk to because she lives two hours away) saying, "hey, I heard your ex is dating E***. Small world, huh?"

 

This is information I didn't want to know, because images of her with another guy are images I don't want in my head. Turns out she is dating this guy, who I've known for ten years, who I introduced her to a year ago, who I encouraged her to take guitar lessons from. My other ex heard about it from her brother, who's also good friends with E***.

 

So I broke down and sent her a text. Here's a breakdown:

 

me: Merry Christmas. Be safe if you're traveling. Tell E*** I said hey.

 

she: Oh, you heard I was seeing E***? How long have you known?

 

me: About an hour.

 

she: Who told you?

 

me: wtf does it matter?

 

she: are you pissed?

 

me: pissed no. hurt yes. he's a good guy. don't wreck him like you wrecked me.

 

she: we're just having fun. it's not serious. I understand if you're upset but can we talk about this next week?

 

me: we really don't have to talk about it at all. I just miss you still. Have a good holiday.

 

she: you know, I miss you too. I have no idea what next year will bring.

 

So since then I've been an emotional wreck, to the point where when I'm watching an old episode of Seinfeld and I start to laugh at something, the laughter turns into a brief bit of crying. I feel like I'm almost worse off than at the beginning, because instead of having the blinding shock to distract me from the pain I'm stuck in this horrible, sorrowful remorse.

 

And my other ex, who told me about the new guy, she called to ask if she had hurt my feelings. I said yeah, you did.

 

I also told her that karma had finally come back to bite me in the ass. I left my first ex as we were planning the wedding. My other ex left me as we were planning the wedding.

 

What a twisted, hurtful world.

[selena_cat]

This is exactly why i woudnt like to break NC,and i believe your ex ex whom you probably broke up with told you this out of spite,and it worked.

Go back and stay on NC,its okay your'e allowed to have a moment.

[curiousnycgirl]

I am so sorry for your pain. I did not break NC because I am afraid of what he would say, although I am 99.9% certain he simply would not pick up the phone. Which would be just as painful to me.

 

Doesn't matter when it comes to him it's going ot hurt me regardless. I cry daily just thinking about him - so I'm sure hearing his voice would really set me right off for a good soaker.

 

Man when does this end?

[madrugada]

I'm wondering the same thing. When does this end? Will I ever get over this?

 

The sad thing is the new guy she's seeing is in the outer ring of my circle of friends. If I want to avoid seeing her, I have to cut out several of my friends. Even people I work with. And she's getting a job bartending at my favorite bar while she finishes her degree. So I can't go there anymore. This whole thing just pisses me off.

 

And my ex ex, she's revelling in the pain she's caused me because even after four years she still wants to hurt me.

 

F**king Christmas. I guess I deserve this. World, stop hurting me. I can only take so much.

[DenverBachelor]

I'm wondering the same thing. When does this end? Will I ever get over this?

 

The sad thing is the new guy she's seeing is in the outer ring of my circle of friends. If I want to avoid seeing her, I have to cut out several of my friends. Even people I work with. And she's getting a job bartending at my favorite bar while she finishes her degree. So I can't go there anymore. This whole thing just pisses me off.

 

And my ex ex, she's revelling in the pain she's caused me because even after four years she still wants to hurt me.

 

F**king Christmas. I guess I deserve this. World, stop hurting me. I can only take so much.

 

The only person who is hurting you at this point is yourself. You need to move on and let go of this person and force yourself to accept the present situation. Yes, it is hard I know, but this is something you have to do for yourself.

 

Also, put yourself in her shoes and ask yourself, if the tables were turned, how you would react to a text like this, "pissed no. hurt yes. he's a good guy. don't wreck him like you wrecked me."

 

Don't wreck him like you wrecked me? Even after all the bull**** I had to go through with my ex and shelling out a grand for a lawyer, I don't blame HER for wrecking anything. She made a decision that I didn't agree with. You can either accept it as an adult, cry a little and then move on *OR* you can act like a kid in a candy store being dragged out while kicking and crying because you didn't get your candy.

 

You may be hurting, but she doesn't need to know this because she already does. Putting a woman on a guilt trip isn't going to win you any awards in the reconciliation department but it will get you a Nobel Prize in the sympathy department. You don't want her sympathy.

 

This talk of hers stating, "who knows what the New Year will bring?" Yes, everyone loves to live in a happy fog like existence where anything is possible -- and what's she is saying with that statement is, "I know exactly what the New Year will bring, but if it doesn't bring be enough quality guys, I may look you up sometime this summer if I'm going through a dry spell emotionally."

 

Likewise, you know what the New Year is bringing for you -- closure. Not only is it a new year but a new decade, so start setting goals and become the person you've always wanted to be. When she looks you up down the road, she'll be kicking her own ass.

[TaraMaiden]

hear hear.

What he said.

With whipped cream and marshmallows.

[cdt76]

I'm wondering the same thing. When does this end? Will I ever get over this?

 

The sad thing is the new guy she's seeing is in the outer ring of my circle of friends. If I want to avoid seeing her, I have to cut out several of my friends. Even people I work with. And she's getting a job bartending at my favorite bar while she finishes her degree. So I can't go there anymore. This whole thing just pisses me off.

 

And my ex ex, she's revelling in the pain she's caused me because even after four years she still wants to hurt me.

 

F**king Christmas. I guess I deserve this. World, stop hurting me. I can only take so much.

 

I hear you my friend. I'm right there with you, only I had to give up my all my friends, my job, my city, my kids, just to get away from everything long enough to get my head on straight and not do anything life ending. It's the hardest thing to do but we have to keep going. I have faith there is a plan for us. See it through.

[sean1970]

me: pissed no. hurt yes. he's a good guy. don't wreck him like you wrecked me.

 

Parting shots like these are never pretty. She could be dating Jehovah himself, doesn't matter. Breaking NC hurts enough... Showing it still bothers you to such a degree only makes it worse...

 

she: you know, I miss you too. I have no idea what next year will bring.

 

Translation: "If it does not work out with guitar hero here, Ill be calling you."

 

Don't be that guy madrugada. Don't be second best.