Woggle Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 I am sorry but I am not taking a woman because women who have that fantasy are usually unstable and if things go sour she can easily say I raped her. That FWB I have been talking about once wanted me to take her and told me not to stop no matter how much she said no and tried to fight me. I looked at her like she was insane.
Lizzie60 Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 the 'how do i become an a-hole' thread? that would be an interesting thread.. I'm sure there are a few 'losers' here that can post a few tips..
b52s Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Haha. I don't think you came up with this theory. I think he and 1 billion other men who started online message board posts about "nice guys" and Nice guys finish last" and "women just love jerks" And ALL their variants.....have this theory...
dnm Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Every women does We want to be overpowered and manhandled and pounded till we cant take it:love: please speak for yourself. every woman does not want to be manhandled in the way you mentioned in your last post.
Vasto_Lorde Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 I think he and 1 billion other men who started online message board posts about "nice guys" and Nice guys finish last" and "women just love jerks" And ALL their variants.....have this theory... Not everyone subscribes to that theory. Speaking for myself, I don't care who or what other women want to date or relate to. The lives and relationships of other people are of no concern to me. I don't care if women want to date jerks, murderers, nice guys or zombies. It's none of my business. I do get irritated however when some women categorically call all men bad based on whatever experiences those women have had. There is a construct called personal responsibility, which many of these women forget. You chose whoever or whatever type of guy you want. You get to either enjoy the person or not enjoy the person but you are still responsible for your own choice. This nice guys versus jerks crap needs to die a sudden death because it's an old argument that really makes no logical sense. At least to me anyway.
MyNameIsJonas Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 This nice guys versus jerks crap needs to die a sudden death because it's an old argument that really makes no logical sense. At least to me anyway. I agree with what you are saying, but I honestly don't think that theory will ever die. Decades ago, men were complaining about how all women wanted to date James Dean and weren't willing to settle for anything less. I think that a broad generalization has been reached by women based on the experiences of a minority few. A few women have been burned by a few jerks, and a few other women have been smothered by a few "doormats" and thus conclude that all men are either scum or wimps. Bring in publications such as cosmo that has been making money off reinforcing this theory for ages and you have a recipe for mass dating destruction. Most women now walk into dating situations thinking the guy across from them is either scum or a wimp and the guy has to fight and defeat that predisposition. That being said, a minority portion of women don't buy any of this bs and walk into a dating situation with an open positive mind. That is the type of woman you want to date, and if everything goes well, marry.
Vasto_Lorde Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 I agree with what you are saying, but I honestly don't think that theory will ever die. Decades ago, men were complaining about how all women wanted to date James Dean and weren't willing to settle for anything less. I think that a broad generalization has been reached by women based on the experiences of a minority few. A few women have been burned by a few jerks, and a few other women have been smothered by a few "doormats" and thus conclude that all men are either scum or wimps. Bring in publications such as cosmo that has been making money off reinforcing this theory for ages and you have a recipe for mass dating destruction. Most women now walk into dating situations thinking the guy across from them is either scum or a wimp and the guy has to fight and defeat that predisposition. That being said, a minority portion of women don't buy any of this bs and walk into a dating situation with an open positive mind. That is the type of woman you want to date, and if everything goes well, marry. I agree with you especially your take on the role of media in perpetuating this rubbish. If folks decide to take their cues from magazines like Cosmo then so be it but things are often different in the real world.
thatguy85 Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 So wait a second... women like jerks more than nice guys?
Pink Cupcakes Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 I don't mean to be mean or anything but that "nice guy" over "jerks" thing is a fallacy. Women want nice guys. They don't want to be treated like crap. The guys who are posting on here claiming that they are a "nice guy" therefore don't get the girls have other reasons they aren't getting women. They are overweight OR unattractive OR socially deficient OR unemployed OR totally nerdy and just overall unappealing. Let's put this fallacy to rest. If you're a nice, decent looking guy with a career, and aren't socially weird, you'll get a woman. The guys on here claiming otherwise are one or more of the above unappealing qualities. The guys you are calling "jerks" are simply guys who have had a normal dating/relationship life with the opposite sex, and you are jealous, so you hide behind calling them "jerks" instead of work on improving your own unappealing qualities.
sugar_and_spice Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Ive been meaning to start a thread about this LS totally needs another one. There's a shortage of such useful threads on here.
stillafool Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I don't mean to be mean or anything but that "nice guy" over "jerks" thing is a fallacy. Women want nice guys. They don't want to be treated like crap. The guys who are posting on here claiming that they are a "nice guy" therefore don't get the girls have other reasons they aren't getting women. They are overweight OR unattractive OR socially deficient OR unemployed OR totally nerdy and just overall unappealing. Let's put this fallacy to rest. If you're a nice, decent looking guy with a career, and aren't socially weird, you'll get a woman. The guys on here claiming otherwise are one or more of the above unappealing qualities. The guys you are calling "jerks" are simply guys who have had a normal dating/relationship life with the opposite sex, and you are jealous, so you hide behind calling them "jerks" instead of work on improving your own unappealing qualities. Excellent post! Too bad they won't "get" it.
tkgirl Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 im glad we have this thread to discuss this. i dont think its ever been discussed or even thought about before... seriously.. I'm so over it!
theBrokenMuse Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 please speak for yourself. every woman does not want to be manhandled in the way you mentioned in your last post. Yeah, I hate when people act as they're a spokesperson for a large subset of individuals that all have different views and personalities. In fact, I can honestly say that the last person that tried to manhandle me took a rather nasty headshot. heh.
D-Jam Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Anyone ever seen the movie Cloverfield? If you have, do you remember the characters of Hudson "Hud" Platt and Marlena Diamond? Throughout the whole thing, Hud came off as needy, insecure, socially awkward, and thus a total turnoff for Marlena. Don't be that guy...period. So you meet your "Marlena" at a party, cafe, store, wherever... 1) Do not fall in love with her immediately. Even work yourself not to get all head-over-heels for her. Too many nice guys do this. I used to do this. You build up this insane fantasy of this person and thus you're facing them in a lovestruck mode rather than a calm/relaxed mode. 2) Don't force it. Hud kept forcing things, and we would see Marlena try to be polite, but obviously wishing he would go away. If you find yourself forcing a conversation with someone, accept he/she isn't into you (even socially) and move on. 3) Be comfortable in the idea of being alone. I've stated this before in other topics, but it's also a key reason why a lot of men and women succeed in dating while others fail. Forget about the "act aloof" or "act uninterested" bull. Just really come to grips and balance in yourself to be able to face the world alone. Don't "need" someone. For all the "jerk VS nice guy" posts I see, they talk of how the jerk seems to just get women instantly and doesn't seem to care much about them. While he might not be RESPECTFUL, he also has that balance. He can go home and go to sleep or play Xbox or whatever and not care if he's got someone. He simply will go out next week and try on others. Nice guys get their hearts all aflutter on the girl that's in their eyes and thus they get all needy and desperate to try to get her to like him. She sees it instantly and is turned off. Women want men who care...but aren't showering them like icons of worship right off the bat. Let's say no monster ever attacked that night...what should Hud have done? He should have taken that camera and filmed people. He should have started off with the people he could come across and been uptempo, energetic, and positive. He should have been joking and trying to get people to open up about their friend who was leaving. When he sees Marlena, he should come over, say hi, maybe toss out a confident, but flirty compliment without any uneasiness or apology if she gets creeped out, jokingly and assertively got her to leave a testimonial on camera, then LEAVE HER ALONE. Marlena can either forget about him or see him being a confident life of the party and thus gain interest. For all we know that approach might have gotten Hud attention. Like it or not, there are women who will be turned off by being respected. So you could look like Jude Law, be confident, intelligent, and respectful, but the girl will ignore you to chase after the guy who looks like Tommy Lee and treats all women like garbage. We call these women flakes, bad boy chasers, and headcases. You should not concern yourself with these women. They're not worth your time. STOP complaining that women reject you because you're nice to them, and first really see IF you are acting like Hud when you go out AND/OR if you're chasing women who don't like to be respected to begin with. That or continue to keep failing. I speak from experience here. I was a doormat nice guy...now I'm a confident good man...and I found Ms Right. It can happen to you too!
Vasto_Lorde Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Excellent post D-Jam. I believe that the core issue in the nice guy debate is the apparent inability of some guys to navigate life while having fun solo. I've been very fortunate not to have this issue. Not to say I don't have my faults. In the past, I've been guilty of falling too soon and/or too hard for girl, which in turn diminishes my ability to think rationally about the object of my attention. This has led to false expectations and botched attempts. The only silver lining is that my starry eyed phase has a very short duration before I get drop kicked back to reality by logic. The one thing that saves me time and time again is my independent nature.
Vasto_Lorde Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Excellent post D-Jam. I believe that the core issue in the nice guy debate is the apparent inability of some guys to navigate life while having fun solo. I've been very fortunate not to have this issue. Not to say I don't have my faults. In the past, I've been guilty of falling too soon and/or too hard for girl, which in turn diminishes my ability to think rationally about the object of my attention. This has led to false expectations and botched attempts. The only silver lining is that my starry eyed phase has a very short duration before I get drop kicked back to reality by logic. The one thing that saves me time and time again is my independent nature.
H1N1 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I used to believe that it was important to show women that you can be a jerk, and I still think there are times when that's the case, but it's actually quite rare. In a good relationship, you want to show your teeth only when it's absolutely necessary, when a woman just doesn't get the point. The most important thing for a man is to just be sure not to take any crap, but that doesn't mean you have to get angry or worked yourself up into a froth. It just means knowing what you're about, what you're going to accept, what you're not going to accept, and enforcing your boundaries every time someone dares to cross them.
ordinary_girl Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I used to believe that it was important to show women that you can be a jerk, and I still think there are times when that's the case, but it's actually quite rare. In a good relationship, you want to show your teeth only when it's absolutely necessary, when a woman just doesn't get the point. The most important thing for a man is to just be sure not to take any crap, but that doesn't mean you have to get angry or worked yourself up into a froth. It just means knowing what you're about, what you're going to accept, what you're not going to accept, and enforcing your boundaries every time someone dares to cross them. hopefully you realised since that 'being a jerk' and 'being assertive' are two different things
sally4sara Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I used to believe that it was important to show women that you can be a jerk, and I still think there are times when that's the case, but it's actually quite rare. In a good relationship, you want to show your teeth only when it's absolutely necessary, when a woman just doesn't get the point. The most important thing for a man is to just be sure not to take any crap, but that doesn't mean you have to get angry or worked yourself up into a froth. It just means knowing what you're about, what you're going to accept, what you're not going to accept, and enforcing your boundaries every time someone dares to cross them. I agree with your general statement, but explain your use of the phrase "enforcing your boundaries".
H1N1 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I agree with your general statement, but explain your use of the phrase "enforcing your boundaries". Not what you're afraid it means. It just means basically being your own man. People take crap because the people who give it to us assume that they can do it and we'll hang around for second and third servings. Don't be the guy/girl who does. Have your own standards and make sure people live up to them. Relationships are always two way streets. Enforcing your boundaries doesn't require raising your voice, it just means communicating to your partner that you can and will find happiness elsewhere if need be.
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