xoxo88 Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 I know i pretty much sucked while i was dating my ex. I posted a tread "Is she a horrible grilfriend" that made me understand that yeah i was kinda horrible. I was suffering from depression at the time and i just wasn't acting like myself. I made him feel neglected, made him feel like i didn't care, like i didn't want to see him, etc. Before we broke up he told somebody else we weren't together anymore and broke up with me online. What he did was horrible. Made me feel sooo disrespected. The reason he gave me for the break up wasn't that he felt neglected, it was something like i was boring to him and the relationship is not meant to be. So i'm just wondering... what he did was because of me or beacuse that's who he is-not such a great person?
ordinary_girl Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 sounds like a combination of the two. I don't know what way you were horrible to him and I don't know how long you were together but breaking up with someone online is not cool. saying the other person is boring isn't classy to be honest. on the other hand, maybe he felt sufficiently annoyed with you not to bother with a proper explanation
survivor18 Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Well more often than not when people are depressed they lose interest in virtually everything...I have been there believe me...I realize now that I was very much this way...but it's the depression that causes it. I didn't consider myself boring just a person with an illness. It really wasn't your fault. But i do think there was a much better approach for him to break up with you. Calling you boring is just childish.
Author xoxo88 Posted December 28, 2009 Author Posted December 28, 2009 He didn't actually call me boring but that was the idea in what he said. And the truth is i was boring cause i remember how i was and what my friends told me, but i just wasn't aware that i was suffering from depression. He had no idea about the depression. I don't know if he broke up with me because he felt like i didn't put too much effort into it or he just wanted something better for himself because i wasn't entertaining to him. I think he knew he was gonna hurt me when he broke up with me (by the way, a very lame break up) because he told he doesnt want me to think that it's anything personal it's just that this is not meant to be. I don't understand why he did it because we met once to talk about our relationship, and he didn't mention anything about it on the phone, we met! The only explanation i can find is that he did it that time for him, because he felt neglected, but when it came to me he just didn't care and chose the most comfortable situation for him.
survivor18 Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Well the most important thing is you realize you had depression and can now do something about it. You can now create a better life for yourself and be truly happy. Maybe this all came about as a reason for you to realize that your life wasn't the way it should be. In the long run you will look back on this as a blessing in disguise...you now have a chance to really start living the life you should have been. Believe me when i say he will notice the changes in you.
GrayClouds Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 I know i pretty much sucked while i was dating my ex. I posted a tread "Is she a horrible grilfriend" that made me understand that yeah i was kinda horrible. I was suffering from depression at the time and i just wasn't acting like myself. I made him feel neglected, made him feel like i didn't care, like i didn't want to see him, etc. Before we broke up he told somebody else we weren't together anymore and broke up with me online. What he did was horrible. Made me feel sooo disrespected. The reason he gave me for the break up wasn't that he felt neglected, it was something like i was boring to him and the relationship is not meant to be. So i'm just wondering... what he did was because of me or beacuse that's who he is-not such a great person? When the planet are in a gravitational pull, is it because of one over the other. No, the pull each other. I suspect it hold true with your depression. Not only did your depression effected the relationship but your relationship effected your depression. Same hold true with the boyfriend you were both not good to each other. The chicken and the egg which is first, who knows? What you do know is that it was not a good place for you. Now you get to find a better place, a place that does not concern or involve him but focus on you and making yourself better.
GrayClouds Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 The question to be asking is how to I make sure I become a great person so you never ask "what he did was because of me or because that's who he is-not such a great person?" again.
Author xoxo88 Posted December 28, 2009 Author Posted December 28, 2009 The question to be asking is how to I make sure I become a great person so you never ask "what he did was because of me or because that's who he is-not such a great person?" again. GrayClouds the reason why i'm asking all of this is because i want to understand what went wrong and learn from my mistakes. Working on myself is what i'm doing right now and clarifying those thoughts is part of it.
GrayClouds Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 GrayClouds the reason why i'm asking all of this is because i want to understand what went wrong and learn from my mistakes. Working on myself is what i'm doing right now and clarifying those thoughts is part of it. I congratulate you on your effort. Looking at your own mistake and biases will help you be aware of them in your next relationship. A by-product of depression is rumination on things that can not change, and while that desire to understand is good thing often it just keeps us in a place that is not good for us. I would caution that if the break is fresh trying got understand it now will lead you down the rabbit hole. Likely you too close to it right now to make real logic out of it. Distance and time often helps better then early analysis. Hang in there.
Author xoxo88 Posted December 29, 2009 Author Posted December 29, 2009 Oh dear the break up is nowhere near fresh. It happened more than a healf a year ago. For a while i tried to avoid analyzing it but it only hurt me more beacuse all of those confusing thoughts. I think i just realized why he did what he did: ever since he told that person we were not together anymore our relationship was over. The last time we met he treated me as if i was a burden to him even though he had asked me to go out. He broke up with me, i mean HEEEEY he was only sooo "kind" to share with me the news that we're done online because he didn't give a damn about me and never wanted to see me again. For him i had stopped being his girlfriend a long time ago. OMG what a loser!!! How can you be so lame??? Even if you don't care about the other person you do set up a meeting because they deserve it. I can't believe it took me so long to realize what a worthless guy he is. Shameless selfish coward.
GrayClouds Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Oh dear the break up is nowhere near fresh. It happened more than a healf a year ago. For a while i tried to avoid analyzing it but it only hurt me more beacuse all of those confusing thoughts. I think i just realized why he did what he did: ever since he told that person we were not together anymore our relationship was over. The last time we met he treated me as if i was a burden to him even though he had asked me to go out. He broke up with me, i mean HEEEEY he was only sooo "kind" to share with me the news that we're done online because he didn't give a damn about me and never wanted to see me again. For him i had stopped being his girlfriend a long time ago. OMG what a loser!!! How can you be so lame??? Even if you don't care about the other person you do set up a meeting because they deserve it. I can't believe it took me so long to realize what a worthless guy he is. Shameless selfish coward. I understand the desire to understand. LOoooooooord knows I do. But usually it really never becomes clear and you can find yourself in analysis paralysis. This keep you in a unhappy, unproductive place. What you do know that this guy is a jerk. You know you deserve better. So what things are you doing to prove to yourself you deserve better? Taking some new classes, joined a gym, a couple new hobbies, compete NC?
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