Stockalone Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 But what's the fun and experience in that...that's like throwing in the towel. It's over before it is even started If it is clear that you aren't compatible with someone, there is no point in trying. Even if you start dating, it's already over. The relationship never had a chance. It's like looking for a job. I have a business degree, I wouldn't apply for a job where the company who is hiring is looking for a surgeon or a physicist. That would be a waste of both our time. They wouldn't hire me and I wouldn't want the job. It's the same with dating. If the woman is looking for someone that isn't you (for whatever reason) what is the point of getting to know her? It's just a waste of time. Tell you what, this whole internet thing has made things too convenient for people. It ruins the dating experience I think. What do you mean?
silic0ntoad Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 If it is clear that you aren't compatible with someone, there is no point in trying. Even if you start dating, it's already over. The relationship never had a chance. It's like looking for a job. I have a business degree, I wouldn't apply for a job where the company who is hiring is looking for a surgeon or a physicist. That would be a waste of both our time. They wouldn't hire me and I wouldn't want the job. It's the same with dating. If the woman is looking for someone that isn't you (for whatever reason) what is the point of getting to know her? It's just a waste of time. What do you mean? I am quite unamused at this post. Since when did dating become a business deal?
b52s Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 (edited) If it is clear that you aren't compatible with someone, there is no point in trying. Even if you start dating, it's already over. The relationship never had a chance. It's like looking for a job. I have a business degree, I wouldn't apply for a job where the company who is hiring is looking for a surgeon or a physicist. That would be a waste of both our time. They wouldn't hire me and I wouldn't want the job. It's the same with dating. If the woman is looking for someone that isn't you (for whatever reason) what is the point of getting to know her? It's just a waste of time. What do you mean? Figure it out. Online dating makes things impersonal and clinical...and there's no real spontanaity to it. Comparing dating to a job interview doesn't compare. It's not the same. If you do compare it to a job interview, then a person that treats it as such is not relationship material or will be unhappy in the marriage or relationship...it just doesn't work that way. Edited December 28, 2009 by b52s
Vertex Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 To me, what makes this ad so funny is that it comes off as more of a laundry list than a dating ad with a personal touch. It's hilariously lifeless -- so I guess to this extent I "see the humor in her posting," as she had put it. Perhaps not her intention, but alas, it is nevertheless palpable.
soserious1 Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 My biggest problem with her post was it's length, cliff notes please!
Stockalone Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 I am quite unamused at this post. Since when did dating become a business deal? Figure it out. Comparing dating to a job interview doesn't compare. It's not the same. If you do compare it to a job interview, then a person that treats it as such is not relationship material or will be unhappy in the marriage or relationship...it just doesn't work that way. I go on job interviews to see if that is a company (and a group of people) that I want to work with/for. But if I didn't want a job, I wouldn't go on a job interview. Dating is similar. I have always dated with the goal of finding a partner for a LTR, eventually marriage and starting a family together. Dating is merely a means to an end for me. I date because I want a relationship. If people think that my approach means that I am not relationship material, so be it. But why do you think that approach would lead to being unhappy in the marriage or relationship?
soserious1 Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Silic0n...what's a "Fat skinny" guy. LOL That's a new one...I did hear a personal trainer use the temr "Skinny fat" meaning, people who are thin, but...have "fat" on them...but just appear thin. Kind of like an oxymoron. A "skinny fat" person looks normal with clothing on but once the clothing comes off they are flabby, soft and loose with minimal muscle tone. She wants a fit, active person, one who looks good with clothing and without.
angie2443 Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Oh My... if a few mistakes make her look like she's dumb... there are a lot of dumb people here.. I do not especially agree with ALL of her list.. but MOST of it.. plus I would probably add a few things.. I agree with the bolded part. I think the list is unrealistic, but I also think that many people have this kind of list in their heads when they are looking for partners. I think that people who go to dating sites are often looking for a more "perfect" person- one they can't find IRL.
soserious1 Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Sure it is. When you do not protray yourself with intelligent word choices, you simply look like a dullard. And dullards are lack lustre. Besides, the point isn't her grammar, it's her inexcusable, ridiculous list. I won't nitpick her, but just to point out, the majority of humanity as an organic whole experiences or feels nihilism at some point in its existence. To say "fat skinny guy" is simply a ridiculous hidden insult. People aren't chiseled greek statues, and to expect everything on that preposterous list above is simply self defeating. She sounds like a typical "self righteous, self entitled" female. Oh, such a bother. I didn't see her asking for chiseled greek statues, I did read that she wants somebody who looks as good out of his clothing as he does in them. From things I've heard over the years men also can be quite disappointed when they finally get a woman they've been pursing naked only to discover that her clothing hid a multitude of sins that would have been deal breakers had they known about them beforehand. Asking for someone to be of normal weight and to actually move their body enough to have some muscle tone doesn't seem excessive or unreasonable to me. and when a man who finally gets to bed a woman who looked good in her clothing
ordinary_girl Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 I think the major issue is still that she is a control freak. it is necessary to be aware of what you need from someone but she tries to cover every aspect of that person's traits and attributes. not possible. you need to compromise. maybe date someone amazing who is short or whatever. there is simply no-one out there who will fit the wish list, perfect people don't exist.
norajane Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Isn't her list pretty much what eharmony does? I don't do online dating, so I don't know what questions eharmony asks, but those 29 levels of compatibility they keep harping about in their ads sound like an even longer list of qualities they try to match people by. Match, for that matter, also has people fill out a profile that covers pretty much all the things she listed, except maybe the drug addiction and mental problems parts. And people also fill out what they want in a match. So why is her ad so ridiculous when the laundry list is pretty much a staple of all online dating?
silic0ntoad Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 So, just to see how crucified I get for me list, in comparison, here's my list of wants in a potential GF. - Athletic to average build. I am active, I need an active partner, and flab is a huge turn off (when excessive, small bits are fine- especially a nice ass and thick thighs .) - No nonsense. TELL me what you mean, don't drop f'ing hints. You have to be self confident and aware. - Loyalty. I will die loyal to you. If you aren't the same, you aren't worth my intent. - Sex drive. Mine isn't ridiculous. But I want it. At least 3x a week. If your sex drive is low, don't bother. And you MUST be willing to try new things. - Money. I don't care about money. To me it's simply a means to an end. I need someone who feels the same. I want to be appreciated for me, not my wallet. - Communication. Argue with me to solve a problem, not prove you're right. I'll even hold your hand while we do so, simply to remind you how important we are to each other. I need someone to tell me when there is an issue, not sit on it forever til they can't take it anymore. - Humble. Be humble. Appreciate what you have. If you're an egotistical asshat or a self entitled douche don't bother. - Humor. I laugh at everything. If this offends you, please, feel free to remove yourself from my office. - Responsible. Take responsibility for your actions. Own them. Don't make excuses. - Positive. I can't handle hearing you complain constantly about everything in your life, yet watch you do nothing to fix those problems. Ok, that's my list. I don't want a chubby slob who can't control herself, or a doll gold digger who has sticky fingers, either. I am sure I'll be crucified, but those are my criteria.
b52s Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 A "skinny fat" person looks normal with clothing on but once the clothing comes off they are flabby, soft and loose with minimal muscle tone. She wants a fit, active person, one who looks good with clothing and without. Funny, I think women can get away with this, but men can't. Double standard...I've seen women who aren't really active, cept maybe go walking once a day.. But I think women can getaway with being nakked and flabby than men can. I've seen women who don't work out that still look decent in a bikini or something. I guess it's not enough that you're not overweight? LOL
ordinary_girl Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Isn't her list pretty much what eharmony does? I don't do online dating, so I don't know what questions eharmony asks, but those 29 levels of compatibility they keep harping about in their ads sound like an even longer list of qualities they try to match people by. Match, for that matter, also has people fill out a profile that covers pretty much all the things she listed, except maybe the drug addiction and mental problems parts. And people also fill out what they want in a match. So why is her ad so ridiculous when the laundry list is pretty much a staple of all online dating? I suppose I don't really believe in online dating either precisely because the pre-selection process seems so rigid. online dating is also based on self-selection. I wonder what the average is for number of successful dates
Art_Critic Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Ok, that's my list. Is this list something you would put on your online dating profile ?.. or would you just print it up on a 5x7 card and give it to potential dates ?
b52s Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 I didn't see her asking for chiseled greek statues, I did read that she wants somebody who looks as good out of his clothing as he does in them. From things I've heard over the years men also can be quite disappointed when they finally get a woman they've been pursing naked only to discover that her clothing hid a multitude of sins that would have been deal breakers had they known about them beforehand. Asking for someone to be of normal weight and to actually move their body enough to have some muscle tone doesn't seem excessive or unreasonable to me. and when a man who finally gets to bed a woman who looked good in her clothing Actually, not sure if they were all that bad nekkid than in their clothing....Imean the difference wasn't a total turn off.
silic0ntoad Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Is this list something you would put on your online dating profile ? Oh, no way. It's a mental checklist. It's what (after years of therapy and failed relationships) I absolutely must have to maintain a healthy relationship. I wouldn't be so crude or bitter as to post it for all to see.
Art_Critic Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Oh, no way. It's a mental checklist. It's what (after years of therapy and failed relationships) I absolutely must have to maintain a healthy relationship. I wouldn't be so crude or bitter as to post it for all to see. Of course... we all have our lists.. The difference is that the woman in the craigslist ad published hers as a first impression.
DustySaltus Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Don't ever date a girl on craigslist. I tried it once. We went out to dinner and I went to drive the girl home and said, "Where do you live"? She says, I thought I could stay with you for a while....i'm homeless. True Story...never, ever, ever again...
threebyfate Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Don't you mean you "once fell off" your heels. Even worse, there were three original typos in my post. I found two, corrected them, saw the above one, went to correct it but someone had posted right after me. It might have been you! If it is clear that you aren't compatible with someone, there is no point in trying. Even if you start dating, it's already over. The relationship never had a chance. It's like looking for a job. I have a business degree, I wouldn't apply for a job where the company who is hiring is looking for a surgeon or a physicist. That would be a waste of both our time. They wouldn't hire me and I wouldn't want the job. It's the same with dating. If the woman is looking for someone that isn't you (for whatever reason) what is the point of getting to know her? It's just a waste of time.I totally agree with this. Why waste time with someone you know you won't be compatible with? It only leads to pain for one or both of you. I guess it's the way she's written her profile. If these are needs, she's one needy woman! What I'm not seeing, is what she has to offer. The things she's listed are pretty mundane.
threebyfate Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 I don't think she's actually much pickier than a lot of women are. She's just more upfront about it. The unfortunate thing is that by being too honest she makes herself look superficial and full of herself, which will put off the kind of guy she wants to meet. None of her preferences seem that outlandish if she genuinely has a lot to offer (bad grammar aside). Her decision to post this list is what makes her look bad, not the preferences in and of themselves.A huge portion of her list is based on superficial requirements, so yes, it's pretty obvious she is superficial. You are not judgmental. I have found that real, true self-confidence leads people to be non-judgmental and that superficial self-centered individuals tend to be the most judgmental.... Now this data point made me laugh. Irony, anyone?
2sure Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 I thought the ad was relatively typical of someone seriously looking not just to date - but for a relationship. But my experience also tells me the following: *She had similar likes and dislikes most people her age have, she just used way too many words. Likes to hear herself talk/thinks everything she says is amazing and unique. * She is an artist who moves from city to city. Owns no real estate, has no job benefits, stays with friends. * She apparently thinks she is funny and stands alone in that regard. * She wants a man who can explore the world with her: FUNDING. Not that there is anything wrong with this.
Stockalone Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 I guess it's the way she's written her profile. If these are needs, she's one needy woman! At least she provides fair warning with that profile. What I'm not seeing, is what she has to offer. The things she's listed are pretty mundane. That's for the guy to find out. If I were interested and would meet her requirements, it wouldn't bother me that I have to find out if she meets my requirements. A huge portion of her list is based on superficial requirements, so yes, it's pretty obvious she is superficial. It sure looks like it. However, the list could make her sound worse than she is in person. Still, an initial mail isn't that much effort and doesn't sound like much of a risk. Worst case, she doesn't respond or turns out to be very superficial. Now this data point made me laugh. Irony, anyone? Well, she said she wants a guy who can see the humour in her posting. My reply to a woman with a laundry list would be my own laundry list. Fair is fair, and it might even be appreciated. In her case, I'd start with "As you can see by my list, (who would be as long as hers), I am not the least bit judgmental. I am merely someone who knows what he wants, I am sure you can relate. DO NOT CONTACT ME IF..... - You cannot see the humor in this posting - You have small boobs (and no, I am not kidding about that one) - (rest of my list)" Who knows, she might have some compatible humour after all.
Mary3 Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 As a former online dater who read hundreds of ads , when I see the long ones that go on and on , I lose interest. As a rare treat to speaking to these humdingers when they talk on the phone they ramble , monopolizing the conversation .. I had one guy who talked an hour and half straight , talking all about himself. I thought I was going to fall asleep. In that convo , he talked all about his money and his house on the beach. As if that was supposed to convince me ? Keep it short
Chubbi Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 My 2cents... I'm with Lizzie, and Shadowplay on this one. She doesn't seem that ridiculous or crazy to me. I think her list is pretty standard in comparison. Most women I know when asked what they want from a guy, they'll say he has to be taller than me, smart, funny, attractive to me, have equal or more income and education, and abs and muscular arms are nice, not too old that pretty much sums up what she says. She's a lot more specific because that's how she is.
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