Vintage79 Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Everyone on here is always talking about how bad it is to break no contact...I haven't really thought about it, so it's kind of curious. Say for instance I went out with a person a half dozen times or so, a little romance, definitely no falling out, just either didn't have enough time, didn't quite feel it, whatever (albeit nothing bad), were kind of friends, and just kind of stopped dating/contacting each other. Fast forward a few months months with no contact - at this point, is it really that bad to just shoot them an e-mail or text to see how they're doing out of curiousity sake? Obviously if you're pining over them, yes, it's a problem, as is contacting them with the explicit intent of trying to restart something. Say the intentions were entirely benign, would the person still instantly assume that you've been thinking about them the whole time? How is this situation viewed by others? What are the general problems with breaking no contact? What really defines no contact, etc.? Is it ever a good idea to break no contact? Just curious and trying to figure out the dating game...although this isn't really dating, given the implicit head game (i.e. no intentions).
DenverBachelor Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Everyone on here is always talking about how bad it is to break no contact...I haven't really thought about it, so it's kind of curious. Say for instance I went out with a person a half dozen times or so, a little romance, definitely no falling out, just either didn't have enough time, didn't quite feel it, whatever (albeit nothing bad), were kind of friends, and just kind of stopped dating/contacting each other. Fast forward a few months months with no contact - at this point, is it really that bad to just shoot them an e-mail or text to see how they're doing out of curiousity sake? Obviously if you're pining over them, yes, it's a problem, as is contacting them with the explicit intent of trying to restart something. Say the intentions were entirely benign, would the person still instantly assume that you've been thinking about them the whole time? How is this situation viewed by others? What are the general problems with breaking no contact? What really defines no contact, etc.? Is it ever a good idea to break no contact? Just curious and trying to figure out the dating game...although this isn't really dating, given the implicit head game (i.e. no intentions). I'd ask myself, "what possible good could come from contacting her?" Really -- what good could come from it? My ex lied to me while I was up till 3am worried about her safety while she was out with her new boyfriend. She cheated on me during the relationship. No good could ever come from contacting each other. I know what kind of person she is now and she has painted me black. What's there to talk about? We're completely different people with different world views. I used to think she shared mine in the sense that morality and integrity were important personal traits but I now know she's not on the same playing field that I am. I can do much better than her. So, in the end, you have to realize that contacting someone for truly benign reasons isn't always possible. We all have deeply rooted needs, so ask yourself what you expect to get out of the situation through contacting her. Good luck!
alphamale Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Say for instance I went out with a person a half dozen times or so, for our purposes we're talking about NC after a long-term relationship or marriage, not after 6 dates.
TaraMaiden Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 yes, I agree with Alpha...what you're talking about is just not keeping in touch. No Contact is designed to help somebody heal from the crippling, debilitating, agonising pain that comes, after being dealt a sucker-punch to the solar-plexus by somebody you would have walked over hot coals for.
Author Vintage79 Posted December 27, 2009 Author Posted December 27, 2009 Gotcha - clears things up pretty quick...maybe now I'll be able to make a bit more sense of this section.
threebyfate Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Vintage, DenverBachelor made some good points. Why would you contact someone who you dated, if not to restart something? Are you looking for a friend?
Author Vintage79 Posted December 27, 2009 Author Posted December 27, 2009 The situation that I mentioned was completely hypothetical - I've never contacted some one while in that situation, I just needed to provide some sort of example to hopefully get some of my "NC" questions answered. The gist was that I more-or-less was thining of NC in different terms that the typical person here, so it was more a denotation type scenario. That said, I'm a very curious individual, and if we got along, but were just not really dating material, I may be tempted to just drop the a quick text or something if something reminded me of them (i.e. accidently driving by their house or seeing them on the street, etc.) to see what they were up to. It wouldn't really be looking for friends, not to atempt to rekindle something - just for curiosity sake. Hey, I've been trained to be curious (I'm a scientist), so asking it's kind of second nature to me - besides, I'm generally interested and concerned about people, even if they're not affecting/influencing me in any way. That said, previous answers were suggestive that this isn't really the NC that is referenced in this forum, hence the denotation comment.
mizundastud Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Everyone on here is always talking about how bad it is to break no contact...I haven't really thought about it, so it's kind of curious. Say for instance I went out with a person a half dozen times or so, a little romance, definitely no falling out, just either didn't have enough time, didn't quite feel it, whatever (albeit nothing bad), were kind of friends, and just kind of stopped dating/contacting each other. Fast forward a few months months with no contact - at this point, is it really that bad to just shoot them an e-mail or text to see how they're doing out of curiousity sake? Obviously if you're pining over them, yes, it's a problem, as is contacting them with the explicit intent of trying to restart something. Say the intentions were entirely benign, would the person still instantly assume that you've been thinking about them the whole time? How is this situation viewed by others? What are the general problems with breaking no contact? What really defines no contact, etc.? Is it ever a good idea to break no contact? Just curious and trying to figure out the dating game...although this isn't really dating, given the implicit head game (i.e. no intentions). Breaking no contact is is good or bad idea depending on what ur expecting....and also time frame. So if you and this person just dated and just drifted and they haven't contacted you I wouldn't call them for about a month or so and if you do call I wouldn't bring up why u guys stopped calling each other. But if your not emotionally invested who cares call or don't call either way your not going to get hurt.
and.then.some Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Everyone on here is always talking about how bad it is to break no contact...I haven't really thought about it, so it's kind of curious. Say for instance I went out with a person a half dozen times or so, a little romance, definitely no falling out, just either didn't have enough time, didn't quite feel it, whatever (albeit nothing bad), were kind of friends, and just kind of stopped dating/contacting each other. Fast forward a few months months with no contact - at this point, is it really that bad to just shoot them an e-mail or text to see how they're doing out of curiousity sake? Obviously if you're pining over them, yes, it's a problem, as is contacting them with the explicit intent of trying to restart something. Say the intentions were entirely benign, would the person still instantly assume that you've been thinking about them the whole time? How is this situation viewed by others? What are the general problems with breaking no contact? What really defines no contact, etc.? Is it ever a good idea to break no contact? Just curious and trying to figure out the dating game...although this isn't really dating, given the implicit head game (i.e. no intentions). From someone I dated a few times and there were no great emotions or great passion on either part, I probably wouldn't think much of it. I wouldn't make too many assumptions about the matter. However, if the relationship with that person had progressed to something physical, I might assume this guy had an agenda. However, that too would depend on the nature of our relationship. From my experiences, guys I've dated in the past who decided to contact me or track me down usually had plans of slowly getting back into my good graces. An attempt to reopen an option or to see if one even exists... I've never had a guy I used to date call me up or message me because he just wants to be friends, with no other motive to come up with time.
CaliGuy Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Go ahead and break it, then come back here and post how you feel. Sooner or later, you'll regret doing it.
Kantor Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Go ahead and break it, then come back here and post how you feel. Sooner or later, you'll regret doing it. True story, me today = I think we all 'have' to do it though, its part of the healing process to make sure the end is really the end.
sean1970 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 True story, me today = I think we all 'have' to do it though, its part of the healing process to make sure the end is really the end. You broke NC?
DenverBachelor Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 You broke NC? Better than breaking RO!
gaudi Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Better than breaking RO! Forgive my ignorance.........What's RO ??
mmk1 Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Gaudi, in DB's case, it means Restraining Order.
gaudi Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Gaudi, in DB's case, it means Restraining Order. Right, thank-you
Orchid8 Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Just curious, would it be strange to hear from someone out of the blue that you haven't dated in a few months? Supposed you ended on sort of a bad note, not really bad but it was enough to turn you off and you heard from this person again, would you be open to talking again? I wouldn't contact someone I've dated if a few months have passed but just wondering what your thoughts are.
xyoungforeternityx Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Just curious, would it be strange to hear from someone out of the blue that you haven't dated in a few months? Supposed you ended on sort of a bad note, not really bad but it was enough to turn you off and you heard from this person again, would you be open to talking again? I wouldn't contact someone I've dated if a few months have passed but just wondering what your thoughts are. Orchid8 = It would probably depend on the person, how long you were with them for, the reason you broke up etc etc. Though I'd be a bit weary about what their intentions were. I'd go along with it, just to see, but again it'd depend on whether you were over them or not. You wouldnt want to bring up all the pain and hurt again. No Contact = it depends on what you want. To get over someone; no reminders of the past, or to get someone back; they realise they miss you and decide they want you back. Though the latter isnt the wisest choice. I did it, he was a mess, he did come back, (if you read my thread - 'wants to take things slowly' - but I dont think he wants a relationship at the min, just everything that comes with it, and I'm not into that. He knew how I felt already and obviously I wasnt giving him any of the attention he usually got, and probably thought he'd get, after me telling him I still wanted to be with him, despite us breaking up. So be careful. But NC as a way to move on andtry to forget is a good way to do it. I've just started to. He wants to 'take things slow' and I stupidly agreed cos I didnt want to lose him so he thinks he has me right where he wants me. He hasnt contacted me since saturday, dont know if he will again, but if he does, NC will resume. I need to forget about him cos this is not how a relationship with someone should be. It'll be hard but it'll be worth it.
Lunababy Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 A good friend told me once that before you make that contact BE CLEAR IN YOUR INTENTIONS TO YOURSELF. Really really examine why you want to make contact. Is it an ego boost? do you deep down inside want them back? do you want them to say they forgive you so you can feel better about what happened? Are you really over them?
abdellost Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 How did you find out she was with a new boyfriend?
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