bluestraps Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 My Girlfriend and I had a nasty breakup about 3 months ago. She decided my friend was the man for her, so she left me and she has been living with him since. I have been on NC for this whole time except for once in mid October when she called me to chew me out. She was angry with me for something I did so I had to call her back and defend myself. I have not talked to her since October. I am getting calls from both her cell phone and house phone. I got one phone call back in early November, from her house. I also got a bunch of them very late at night the next to last weekend in November. I didnt awnser at first but then I did, these were from her mom, she wanted to talk to me about something. And also I got calls the last couple of Friday/Saturdays in December, but I wasnt home when the calls came in. I think she has a new cell phone So I cant pinpoint who or from where the calls are coming. I have something of hers, I think this is the reason why Im getting calls, But im not sure i'ts the only reason. It seems wierd that the calls always come in at night late or early in the mornings on the weekends, and never during the week. I basicaly cant bring myself to awnser the phone. I am afraid that I will start to try to talk her into working things out. And also Im afraid to hear that nothing has changed .Im starting to feel like it is a good thing that we are broken up and im not sure I want to hear that she may have regrets or may start asking me how I am. I know I need to awnser the phone and put this all to rest. But Im not sure how to get the courage to do it. Im usualy not afraid of anything like this but I'm still not there yet. Maybe If I had a couple more weeks I could do it. I hate to keep doing this. I dont want her getting mad and possibly ruining any future chance of us working it out. So what do I do. How do I get past this and how do I kick myself In the butt and awnser the phone. Does anyone have advice or similar stories.
Angel1111 Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 If she left you for someone else, then you're not the guy for her. Whatever doubts and problems she had with you won't go away. The thing about the calls is, if she needed something of hers that you have, she should leave you a message. What's with all the cryptic calls? I rarely answer calls from numbers I don't recognize. I figure if the call is legitimate, they'll leave a message. If they don't, then it's nothing for me to worry about. You keep torturing yourself about the possibility of renewing and fixing this relationship. I'm just going to tell you that from my experience, whatever issues existed before, will always exist. If they were big enough to cause a break-up, they're serious. I suggest that you ignore the calls.
DenverBachelor Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Ignoring the problem may not be the best solution. It isn't like she tried a few times and then stopped. Her mom called you? What's that all about? I would be proactive, take the call and tell her in no uncertain terms that you would appreciate if she not contact you again and if you have something of hers, figure out a time and place to return it. If you can return it without having to meet her, that would be best. Sounds like she's drunk dialling based on the times that she calls. If she's calling you in the mornings on weekends, perhaps she's lonely and had some situation come up with her current (ex?) boyfriend. In any event, it isn't worth guessing as to why she wishes to contact you. Simply answer the next time she calls and tell her to stop calling you. Keep the phone call short. If you're on the phone for more than 30 seconds, you're in for a lot of potential pain. Move on with your life, hit the gym and set goals. Be the person you've always wanted to be and let her figure out her own issues without your help. You were there for her once and she kicked you to the curb. She lost all rights to your compassion and companionship the moment she dropped you off in dumpsville while picking up a stray hitch-hiker on the way back out.
Golfilla Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Ignoring the problem may not be the best solution. It isn't like she tried a few times and then stopped. Her mom called you? What's that all about? I would be proactive, take the call and tell her in no uncertain terms that you would appreciate if she not contact you again and if you have something of hers, figure out a time and place to return it. If you can return it without having to meet her, that would be best. What he said, this is what you need to do. If she wants to get back with you, the answer is 'NO'. She left you for someone else, and while it's possible that she mightn't have made it work with the other guy, it's an absolute certainty that you aren't her first choice. You need to find someone else. And if she calls you up and makes an accusation (as you mentioned in the OP), don't bother returning the call and 'defending' yourself, just let it go.
Author bluestraps Posted December 27, 2009 Author Posted December 27, 2009 (edited) All good advice, Thanks for the straight talk, Angel1111 ,DB, and GolfillaThe main thing is that I cant summon up the balls to awnser the phone !! I dont have a awnsering machine, so no messages. Also its not drunk dialing because she doesn't drink Im not able to get my brain to connect to my hand to pick up the phone. My heart imeadiatly starts to race and panic sets in. Also I got a call from her moms house house just before midnight , I was out, I have caller id and then while I'm home, another call an hour later. I just couldnt awnser the phone . Now I wont get a call for another week or two. Which only tells me that she doesnt want to talk about our relationship. Edited December 27, 2009 by bluestraps
DenverBachelor Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 (edited) All good advice, Thanks for the straight talk, Angel1111 ,DB, and GolfillaThe main thing is that I cant summon up the balls to awnser the phone !! I dont have a awnsering machine, so no messages. Also its not drunk dialing because she doesn't drink Im not able to get my brain to connect to my hand to pick up the phone. My heart imeadiatly starts to race and panic sets in. Also I got a call from her moms house house just before midnight , I was out, I have caller id and then while I'm home, another call an hour later. I just couldnt awnser the phone . Now I wont get a call for another week or two. Which only tells me that she doesnt want to talk about our relationship. If you're having a panic attack about answering the phone when she calls, you are way too emotionally invested in this woman to speak with her anyway -- it would just lead to disaster. If she is calling your cell phone, look into having her number blocked. You need to stay out of contact with her completely, because if you do get back into contact with her in your present state, she'll take you for a ride unlike any you have ever experienced in your life. Do whatever you can to either block her number or possibly get a new number for your cell phone if you don't have a lot of business connections to your current number. Do not, I repeat, do not speak with this woman. Unless you have something of hers that once belonged to her great-great-grandmother and it is more valuable than all the diamonds owned by the Queen of England, she can just go out and get a new one of whatever it is you have of hers. Edited December 27, 2009 by DenverBachelor
HeavenOrHell Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 You said you answered her mum's calls, what did she say?!
curiousnycgirl Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 I dont have a awnsering machine, so no messages. If you don't want to buy an answering machine, call your phone company and turn on voicemail - you need to stop torturing your self and let her leave a message so you'll KNOW why she is calling. Then you can decide how to react. Right now the not knowing is causing much of your panic and emotion.
Author bluestraps Posted December 27, 2009 Author Posted December 27, 2009 Hi folks Im going to have to talk to her . First she knows my email, she knows where I live. Her new boyfriend was my friend for 18 years. looking back I feel like a stupid idiot for trusting him, he can call me. We still have mutual friends . If she wants to get a hold of me she can find a way. If I dont awnser, I look like a jerk. The time is comming Its funny she has'nt emailed me yet.
ordinary_girl Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Hi folks Im going to have to talk to her . First she knows my email, she knows where I live. Her new boyfriend was my friend for 18 years. looking back I feel like a stupid idiot for trusting him, he can call me. We still have mutual friends . If she wants to get a hold of me she can find a way. If I dont awnser, I look like a jerk. The time is comming Its funny she has'nt emailed me yet. I'm sorry to sound harsh but you must must man up and talk to her. Partly because it will not be as bad as you think (you have probably wound yourself up over this a bit too much) and partly because this will bug you much longer otherwise. Trust me, these things feel worse initially than they really are. It would be a really useful experience for you to learn how to deal with this call.
curiousnycgirl Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Hi folks Im going to have to talk to her . First she knows my email, she knows where I live. Her new boyfriend was my friend for 18 years. looking back I feel like a stupid idiot for trusting him, he can call me. We still have mutual friends . If she wants to get a hold of me she can find a way. If I dont awnser, I look like a jerk. The time is comming Its funny she has'nt emailed me yet. so email her - just ask what's up
Angel1111 Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 All good advice, Thanks for the straight talk, Angel1111 ,DB, and GolfillaThe main thing is that I cant summon up the balls to awnser the phone !! I dont have a awnsering machine, so no messages. Also its not drunk dialing because she doesn't drink Im not able to get my brain to connect to my hand to pick up the phone. My heart imeadiatly starts to race and panic sets in. Also I got a call from her moms house house just before midnight , I was out, I have caller id and then while I'm home, another call an hour later. I just couldnt awnser the phone . Now I wont get a call for another week or two. Which only tells me that she doesnt want to talk about our relationship. If you don't have voicemail then that's a totally different situation. I don't know, I think you need to just stop being so immature about this and answer the stupid phone.
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 I'd call your friend and let him know that his girlfriend won't stop calling you. That should take care of it.
TaraMaiden Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 I'd call your friend and let him know that his girlfriend won't stop calling you. That should take care of it. This, and ditch the house phone. Who needs them, anyway?
selena_cat Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 I'd call your friend and let him know that his girlfriend won't stop calling you. That should take care of it. haha thats a good one Lucrezia, Blue,if she didnt leave a msg obviously its not important. I dont care what anyone says,she 's the one that dumped you and said you werent man enough for her. So now when the cats away the mouse will play? Like i said if its important she would leave a dang voice msg,why don't your ead Caliguy's NC guide he says something about if yoru ex eants something back,dont reply,just box whatever it is,since you know what it is and mail it to her house. I believe your unavailability is driving her mad,then she'll chew you out when you do talk to her,keep on NC.
Phateless Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Hi folks Im going to have to talk to her . First she knows my email, she knows where I live. Her new boyfriend was my friend for 18 years. looking back I feel like a stupid idiot for trusting him, he can call me. We still have mutual friends . If she wants to get a hold of me she can find a way. If I dont awnser, I look like a jerk. The time is comming Its funny she has'nt emailed me yet. 1. She is extremely immature to call 20 times and never leave a message 2. If she legitimately needs something, why not just email and let you know? This girl is an idiot. 3. YOU are under no responsibility. You don't owe her ANYTHING! Stop feeling guilty. 4. Sack up and get over it. There are 7 billion people on this planet and half of them are women. Why waste time with this one girl who stabbed you in the back? 5. Learn that you can get other girls. Don't be so desperate over this one. She is just a person, not some special little snowflake.
Author bluestraps Posted December 28, 2009 Author Posted December 28, 2009 I got another call from her cell phone number right after midnight, monday. Again I did not awnser. Until I do it wont stop. I will be deciding what to do.I am proud that I havent been trying to contact her. I should have made sure she had all her stuff from me so this could have been avoided. I thought it wouldnt matter, I thought we would be back togther by now.
health Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 My Girlfriend and I had a nasty breakup about 3 months ago. She decided my friend was the man for her, so she left me and she has been living with him since. I have been on NC for this whole time except for once in mid October when she called me to chew me out. She was angry with me for something I did so I had to call her back and defend myself. I have not talked to her since October. I am getting calls from both her cell phone and house phone. I got one phone call back in early November, from her house. I also got a bunch of them very late at night the next to last weekend in November. I didnt awnser at first but then I did, these were from her mom, she wanted to talk to me about something. And also I got calls the last couple of Friday/Saturdays in December, but I wasnt home when the calls came in. I think she has a new cell phone So I cant pinpoint who or from where the calls are coming. I have something of hers, I think this is the reason why Im getting calls, But im not sure i'ts the only reason. It seems wierd that the calls always come in at night late or early in the mornings on the weekends, and never during the week. I basicaly cant bring myself to awnser the phone. I am afraid that I will start to try to talk her into working things out. And also Im afraid to hear that nothing has changed .Im starting to feel like it is a good thing that we are broken up and im not sure I want to hear that she may have regrets or may start asking me how I am. I know I need to awnser the phone and put this all to rest. But Im not sure how to get the courage to do it. Im usualy not afraid of anything like this but I'm still not there yet. Maybe If I had a couple more weeks I could do it. I hate to keep doing this. I dont want her getting mad and possibly ruining any future chance of us working it out. So what do I do. How do I get past this and how do I kick myself In the butt and awnser the phone. Does anyone have advice or similar stories. She went with your idiot for an ex friend. There is no closure in this. I would stick to no contact. Or I would pick up the phone, understnad what she wants. If it's something physical like an item - have her pick it up or mail it to her. Seem very happy and cheery like you're doing great. Then stick to no contact. Thank God she's not in your life any more and you found out earlier than later! Wish her the best, do the best for yourself and grow/learn. Heal.
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