amilyah Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Well been here for a few weeks and i thank each and everyone of you for your help.I dont even know if i would have gotten through this without this site.Well as you all know hubby left me 5 or 6 weeks ago stopped counting.Well everyone kept telling me he has to have another woman and i would say no way he loves me never would he do that.Well guess what everyone was ****ing right.But ok we been together 20 years how could this be.Yes i admit i have gained like 30 pounds but hes gained more.When he left told him i would change i would lose weight i would stop nagging i would do anything to make marriage work.He said ok just give him time he loved me and missed me.Ok now 6 weeks later i have lost all the weight .Lol i starved myself.Now i look better than i did before i even met him.Problem is he dont even know it and guess he dont care.Guys flirt with me all the time but i just dont want to move on.Lol he still over weight he has bad teeth and bad breath he ****ing snores so loud i couldnt even sleep with him.I would sleep on couch alot.Or wait till he leaves for work to even go to sleep.he was always a mamas boy.He always put his family and friends before me and the kids.He was lazy, my dad had to do every thing for me.He bitched if i had a hard day and didnt feel like cooking.If i was to tired for sex he would cry like a baby,so i always gave in.What more could this ass want from me.Ok real problem i havent drank in a long time ,tonight i am drinking and i want so bad to call him.Not to get him back just to tell him i hate him so ****ing much.And that i want a divorce asap.What do you guys think should i do it.I could have forgave that he left me,i could have forgave that he said he would help with the bills but didnt,i could have forgave that he didnt buy the kids christmas or grandkids christmas.But i will never forgive a cheater.So i know its over.Sorry this was so long just had a couple of bad days.Needed to vent.What do you guys think call or stay nc.i dont want him back just want him to take responsiblty for his share of the bills.And also want to tell his girlfriend you can have him hes a ****ing loser anyway.I dont even want to hate him because i still love him.but again will never forgive.
whichwayisup Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Stay in NC mode, keep venting, say what you want to say him here.. Then on Monday, call a lawyer..
Gunny376 Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 I wouldn't call especially if you've been drinking. There's noting to be gained from it. It accomplishes nothing, achieves nothing, changes nothing, prevents noting, un-does nothing and you'll feel bad about it later.
Author amilyah Posted December 27, 2009 Author Posted December 27, 2009 well ive already called a lawyer but i had to go through legal aid.they tell me i cant got divorced for 6 months unless he files first.Which i dont think his chicken **** ass will do.now im stuck paying all bills till then.He knew i didnt work hell he wouldnt let me.Was scared i would meet someone Lol.Now i got a job but not enough to pay all the bills .My mom and dad are amazing they are paying what is left.He ****ing took every thing that was paid for and left me with the bills.He drained his 401k(he dont know i know this but i have the proof)One more question, if he sells our boat or trucks or motorhome how would i get half of them.I do have title to most of it.And i do have proof of what was in 401k before he drained it.
Author amilyah Posted December 27, 2009 Author Posted December 27, 2009 i want to ****ing call so bad right now.Help me
soheartbroken Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Hope I'm not too late, but DO NOT call. Like Gunny said, especially not if you're drinking. I had one beer before my final goodbye conversation with my ex, and I regret it. I wasn't clear in the head. Write down what you want to say, and you can always send it in a well-articulated letter some other time.
whichwayisup Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Don't call, you'll regret it sooo much. You're having a rough night, stay strong, don't do it. Pour out your anger here. Say what you want to say to him ON here, post it!!! Pretend you're writing him a letter and let it just all come out. I hope tomorrow you feel better..
Author amilyah Posted December 27, 2009 Author Posted December 27, 2009 I know i shouldnt and ive even asked my daughter to hide the phone and me cell and not give it to me.But god damn why the **** do i have to keep hurting. i want him to hurt.Why did i have to fall for a guy thats ****ing ugly and hurt me.When i know im pretty and can get another in a miniute.thats why im here i need help.Hes ****ing fat and not ugly but not cute.Im not saying im mrs wonderful,but im surly not ugly.not gonna lie two months ago i walk down the street noone turned heads now i walk donn the street everyone turns head.im very pretty i know i am.but god damn what will bring him home.
Gunny376 Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Calling could be construed as harassment and even threatening depending upon what you said what state you live in. It could also seriously do some damage to your divorce case. When going through a divorce the less said is the best said. As far as the joint martial property? Depending upon which state you live in you could possibly put a lien on them down at the courthouse. Its a fairly simple process, and you might even be able to do it yourself. But I would consult with a legal aid attorney about it come Monday morning. The divorce court is pretty savvy about these sort of things as are the divorce lawyers ~ they've pretty much have seen and heard it all. What you need to do is document, document, document. This is why the courts have records. This could be any and everything from the title to the RV and boat, a bill of sale as to when you bought it. Receipts from an oil change or other such maintenance bills ~ especially if they show the odometer readings. (The courts can then make a "fair market" assessment as to the current value of the boat, RV, cars, trucks etc. Tag receipts, registrations ~ the list are endless. If he sells it prior to the litigation, then the courts are going to view that as a purposeful "liquidation of martial assets. Ditto with cashing out the 401K ~ he's potentially just digging himself a deeper hole. Now mind you getting a judgement is a whole different animal than collecting on a judgement. He sounds like an ill responsible sleazebag to begin with, so I wouldn't count my chicken before they hatched. Divorce can be pretty rough finacially all the way around for any and all parties especially for someone such as yourself that has been married as long as you have. Whatever you do, if your having problems paying your bills make sure that you contact your creditors and stay in contact with them on a regular (I would suggest weekly) They will be more willing to work with you if you make the initial contact and stay in contact with them regularly ~ than if they have to hunt you down. The collection process for creditors is a multi-tiered system. You want to speak and deal with the top tier rather than the bottom tier. If your having a hard time making ends meet, you might want to Google "Debt Proof Living" Its a paid sight, ($5.60 a month) but with your subscriiption you get a monthly e-mail newsletter, (or if you prefer a snail mail hard copy) and access to all of the back newsletters as well as the fourm. The only reason its a "paid" website is to help defray the cost of running it. You will also get acess to all the fourms about real people dealing with and handling real day-to-day money, housing, car maintenance, debt collection, recipies, coupon clipping, etc. It is to personal finance what LoveShack is to personal relations. Now UNPLUG THE PHONE ~ AND GO TO BED! You'll Thank Us in the morning!
Gunny376 Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 You seriously need to quit beating yourself up! There's plenty of people just waiting outside of your front door waiting for the opportunity to do the job before you? For no other reason than to just see the look on your face ~ and that includes your XHEX. And these people don't even know you. They just like making people miserable and like to hurt them. Why in the name of all that is Holy would want such a slim ball, scum sucking bottom dweller such as your XHEX back? The first rule of divorce is to "Trade Up" And it doesn't look to me that it would take a lot for you to do so. As you know, there's no shortage of people out there. The world is literally covered up with them ~ only about 6.5 billion of them! What one will abuse? Another can certainly use. The only reason your heart wants this scumbag back? Your just use to having him around. You'd get more true love, companionship, devotion, appreciation from a dog than you would from this @zzhat! And I mean that! A dog ~ a freaking dog would at least be willing to lay down its life for you. Divorce does a number on one's self esteem and self respect. You deserve better than this. Why did you end up with this clown? Because you were young, in-experienced, and like myself? Ignorant (Defined as ~ "When your young, dumb and in-experienced? You just don't know any better. That's being ingnorant. But as you get some years under belt, some experience? You learn and you grow. And with each passing day, week, month and year? You become better and more experienced. And you become less ignorant.) I'd call his happy @zz ~ when I was sober. To thank him! Thank you for leaving me! Thank you for giving me my life back! Thank you for giving me my freedom! Thank you for setting me free! Thank you for letting me go so I can go and find myself someone who appreciates what I've got to offer, and give! Thank you for freeing me from the misery of being with you! Thank you for freeing me to be able and go and find a "real" man. That understands the wants and needs of a woman.
Author amilyah Posted December 27, 2009 Author Posted December 27, 2009 thank you gunny, i have to say of all peps you are the one that made me not contact hubby.But why the hell do i still love him so.Even when he has cheated.im such a pretty girl and hes not why why i want to ****ing die..........I know you are the the god of love shack but please help me get through this.....Im tired of crying im hurting so ****ing bad.
trippi1432 Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 thank you gunny, i have to say of all peps you are the one that made me not contact hubby.But why the hell do i still love him so.Even when he has cheated.im such a pretty girl and hes not why why i want to ****ing die..........I know you are the the god of love shack but please help me get through this.....Im tired of crying im hurting so ****ing bad. Amilyah...you are doing the right thing by not calling him...you only give him the power to hurt you more by doing so....you know this is true. Give yourself a break tonight....quit thinking about him...he does that enough for both of you....right? Keep on the NC path....don't worry about what he does. I know it's easier said than done, but this is your path...take control of it.
Gunny376 Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 thank you gunny, i have to say of all peps you are the one that made me not contact hubby.But why the hell do i still love him so.Even when he has cheated.im such a pretty girl and hes not why why i want to ****ing die..........I know you are the the god of love shack but please help me get through this.....Im tired of crying im hurting so ****ing bad. Its an addiction ~ just that plain and simple! I could sit in a college and teach you a class! I could sit in a rehab and counselor you! Ditto with a church! The pain your feeling is withdrawal! From the addiction of "Love" Your brain produces chemicals stronger than "Crack" or "Crystal Meth" indeed these are the very receptacles in the brain that react to these chemicals. The only reason I'm a survior? The Corps taught me! And that's not some BS asnwer! The CORPS taught me! In the mountains In the desert! In the tropics! In the jungles! In the heat! You know what I lived a good and honest life!
whichwayisup Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 thank you gunny, i have to say of all peps you are the one that made me not contact hubby.But why the hell do i still love him so.Even when he has cheated.im such a pretty girl and hes not why why i want to ****ing die..........I know you are the the god of love shack but please help me get through this.....Im tired of crying im hurting so ****ing bad. I am happy you didn't call him. You still love him because he is/was your husband. You two shared alot and that love just doesn't up and disappear. It isn't easy.. Sounds like it's time for you to go see a therapist to help you cope with this.
Author amilyah Posted December 27, 2009 Author Posted December 27, 2009 Thank you all.I did not call,thank God.and guess what now that im not drinking i dont even want to call his sorry ass.I love this place dont think i would have gotten through this without it.
TaraMaiden Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Please stop the drinking. I understand you might have done it to numb the pain, but it actually had the reverse effect, made you lose your resistance (almost) and made you ramble incoherently...almost. You're going to need your wits about you, to think straight and do the right thing.. by the way - well done on losing the weight. maybe you should go out with a couple of guys, and be seen around with them.... maybe word will get back to him about how amazing you look.... maybe he will then start feeling the pain. But don't you open the door even a hair's breadth to him. Don't even let him see the light through the crack.... keep him well away and tell him to go whistle dixie....
Author amilyah Posted December 27, 2009 Author Posted December 27, 2009 Thank you tara.i usually dont drink and dont think i will for a while.And hell no about letting him back i will never go back to a cheater.If i did i would always be acusing him and would never be able to trust him.Not to mention as of right now i have to much hate going on.Lol hate and love him at the same time.
LisaUk Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 well ive already called a lawyer but i had to go through legal aid.they tell me i cant got divorced for 6 months unless he files first.Which i dont think his chicken **** ass will do.now im stuck paying all bills till then.He knew i didnt work hell he wouldnt let me.Was scared i would meet someone Lol.Now i got a job but not enough to pay all the bills .My mom and dad are amazing they are paying what is left.He ****ing took every thing that was paid for and left me with the bills.He drained his 401k(he dont know i know this but i have the proof)One more question, if he sells our boat or trucks or motorhome how would i get half of them.I do have title to most of it.And i do have proof of what was in 401k before he drained it. Hi Hun OK, so I'm a law student in the UK, so I'm not qualified yet and the law in the US may well be different, but it is based on the same common law system. I'm not allowed to give legally binding advice, so this isn't a substitute for seeing a lawyer or meant to be taken as binding legal advice. Re him hiding or selling your assets without your knowledge, you can seek an injunction (court order) to stop him doing that or if he does and you have proof of legal title, when you go to court for divorce proceedings the judge should not allow him to gain from his dishonesty (known as equitable law here). You should also document all the financial help your parents are giving you and everything that you are paying for since he left, as this may well be offset against him in the settlement. Please look into whether you can get free legal advice from a charity in your state. Try your local church, they may be able to point you in the right direction or even just do a search on the internet for local charities who hold open surgeries with a lawyer. You may find even some local firms who will offer you up to an hours free legal advice, many here do and some may even take on your case short term pro-bono (free). I'm glad you didn't call him! Congrats on the weight loss, when he does finally see you, he'll be sick as a dog! LOL
Author amilyah Posted December 27, 2009 Author Posted December 27, 2009 Thank you lisa.Never thought of keeping up with what my family has paid so far.My son is coming in from Tennesee today but as soon as he leaves gonna start looking for a lawyer.If he files first legal aid said they would help me but why would he file hes living good right now.Shacked up in my camper with another,no bills,hes got it made.still cant believe he would do this to me.He loved me for 20 years.Why the hell would he hurt me like this.I want this girl to break his heart so he knows how it feels.How did he even find someone so fast ,hes not all that,and me having trouble even thinking of moving on.i am going out new years eve,so wish me luck.
Gunny376 Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 :mad: The following is an address to me! Not YOU! What is your MAJOR MALFUNCTION? What the "FREAKING HELL IS YOUR STINKING PROBLEM! :mad: I use to beat myself up severly! Granted, part of it doing my twenty plus in the Corps? Having done nine years at Parris Island as a Marksmanship Coach, a Primary Marksmanship Instrucor, a Marine DI at Third Recurit Battalion (The most hardest of the hard ~ the most strictist of the three battalions) At twenty-eight I laid in bed with severe chest pains? Stress. At twenty nine I woke up with a knot on my head half the size of a golf ball. Stress. I was Staff Sergeant holding a Master Gunny's billet. The equivalent of going from being a foreman to a plant manager. I did good, I excelled ~ but it cost me a wife and a family! In fact I and the unit was rated the best of the Marine Corps not only on the East Coast, but Worldwide. I put in sixty to seventy hour + weeks. I worked weekends, holidays. I was a damned good provider! But it cost me a wife, children, and a family! I got Letters of Appreciation, Meritorioius Masts, Commendations, Medals and ribbions ~ but I would setled for and had haved the Wife. I've got Medals ~ Not easy to come by in the Navy ~ Marine Corps? They don't just give them out! You seriously have to earn them! But to get them? Cost me my wife and family!
soul searching Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Good for you! I am going through something pretty similar, except I don't have any proof that he cheated... He's just distancing himself more and more. I think he's making other plans. But I have EXACTLY the same urges and feelings to call, to want to connect... but everyone is giving you sound advice here. Hang in there. The NC gets easier the more you do it. I have stopped myself a BUNCH of times before calling or texting. What are we chasing after anyway??? Do we really want someone who doesn't want us anymore? Gunny is right... it's just like an addiction. After the first week or two of withdrawal it's easier. You won't think of calling so much. Stay strong!
Gunny376 Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Good for you! I am going through something pretty similar, except I don't have any proof that he cheated... He's just distancing himself more and more. I think he's making other plans. But I have EXACTLY the same urges and feelings to call, to want to connect... but everyone is giving you sound advice here. Hang in there. The NC gets easier the more you do it. I have stopped myself a BUNCH of times before calling or texting. What are we chasing after anyway??? Do we really want someone who doesn't want us anymore? Gunny is right... it's just like an addiction. After the first week or two of withdrawal it's easier. You won't think of calling so much. Stay strong! Good for you! Way to stay strong. The simple fact of the matter is? After you've gone through all of what your going through, the seperation, the cheating, the withdrawal, the lawyers, the the courts, the seperation of mutually owned assets, the division of property, the crying, the depression, beating yourself up ~ tha' DIVORCE! It all comes down to picking yourself up, dusting yourself off, building yourself up, moving on ~ and finding yourself someone who appreciates what you've got to offer and who and what you are. Its about living your life for you and not somone nor through someone else. Its about making yourself happy ~ and not seeking someone else to make you happy. Its about taking personal responsibilty for yourself, your life and your happiness. Its about not being used as a doormat to nor by anyone. Its about "finding yourself" setting and defining who and what you are and who and what you want to become. Its about defining objectives and goals. And re-defining who and what you are. I got a e-mail from an internet buddy (a woman) ~ we're just e-mail / internet friends. She quit a six figured income excuative job to be there and spend as much time as she could to be with her terminally ill son. He's not in ER nor on the verge of death ~ and he's got years yet before he checks out. But its only a question of time. A matter of when ~ not if. That's any and all of us need to be doing! Re-defining what is important and what isn't.
Author amilyah Posted December 29, 2009 Author Posted December 29, 2009 Well each day is getting better,looked up an old friend and we been talking everyday.He is helping me alot.Tells me when i want to call,call him instead.But i dont think i even want to talk to him anymore.If i get drunk again who knows(lol).Better leave my cell home new years eve.Anyway new question.Would it be easier for me to get divorced now or should i wait till im all the way over it.I dont want to get in court and give him the privledge of seeing me cry?
Author amilyah Posted December 29, 2009 Author Posted December 29, 2009 Oh gunny sorry to hear about friends son.Tell her ill pray for him.
Gunny376 Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 That's my point! The time for living? Is right here and right now! I apologize to any and all I ever hurt in my life. That's all I can do is apologize. Even those that I intentionally killed, (Try dragging that dead horse and saddle around with you everywhere you go for twenty years+ ~ I did what I had to do) OK we're the other side of that nightly nightmare ~ the point is to get yourself busy living your life. Get over it and get on with living your life! Get busy living your life ~ or get yourself busy dying. Nobody told me their would be days like I lived! Nobody told me their woud be days like I've seen! Strange days indeed! Put the past before you behind you! Live your Life! Get busy living your life! Take a Fool's advice! Life is just too freaking short! Choose to live it happy! Its your choice!
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