kidneyguy Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Well, I think I'm falling for this girl for the second time. The first time was 3 years ago, and I became obsessed with her. I didn't mean to, but she soon found out, and rejected me. It took a long time for our friendship to come back to normal ground. We went to college, on opposite sides of the US. We talked almost every night on Facebook, and I gave her a present for Christmas. She really liked it, and then we talked for a few hours, and it felt really comfortable. Lately, I've started having thoughts that maybe we could get into a relationship before we go back to college. So we had an idea to have a party with some of our friends for New Year's Day, where we go see a movie, and then we come to my house for some more fun. So I'm wondering, after the party, if I'm driving her back, and it's just us in the car, I'm wondering if I should tell her I like her, or if I should try to get her to like me back. I don't know what to do guys, and I need your help since we're going back to school in a few weeks.
alphamale Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 So I'm wondering, after the party, if I'm driving her back, and it's just us in the car, I'm wondering if I should tell her I like her, or if I should try to get her to like me back. you should say or do nothing. keep things platonic
Author kidneyguy Posted December 27, 2009 Author Posted December 27, 2009 And I think I'm just going to ask if we can see each other more often over winter break. And then see what happens...
Author kidneyguy Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 I wasn't able to tell her that I wanted to see her more over break, since all our friends were still there when I wanted to tell her. And not only that, but she's home for only one more week. So, I need to figure out how to tell her. Also, she said she was going to drive back cross-country after the spring semester, and had an open seat available. She said anyone could join her, and I already got permission from my parents. I mean, it's still a long ways off, but I'd be willing to fly cross country to spend a few days with her driving back home. What do you guys think?
D-Lish Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I wasn't able to tell her that I wanted to see her more over break, since all our friends were still there when I wanted to tell her. And not only that, but she's home for only one more week. So, I need to figure out how to tell her. Also, she said she was going to drive back cross-country after the spring semester, and had an open seat available. She said anyone could join her, and I already got permission from my parents. I mean, it's still a long ways off, but I'd be willing to fly cross country to spend a few days with her driving back home. What do you guys think? I think you're obsessing again and it's probably going to land you in the same place as last time. I think you are mis-reading the situation. Things are comfortable between the two of you because she thinks you are over her, and that makes her feel much more relaxed.
DenverBachelor Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I don't know what to do guys, and I need your help since we're going back to school in a few weeks. Check out this site: http://www.laddertheory.com/ and a piece from "When Harry Met Sally" [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][sIZE=2][sIZE=1]Sally: We are just going to be friends, OK? Harry: Great, friends. It's the best thing...You realize, of course, that we can never be friends. Sally: Why not? Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape, or form - is that men and women can't be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way. Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved. Harry: No, you don't. Sally: Yes, I do. Harry: No, you don't. Sally: Yes, I do. Harry: You only think you do. Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge? Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you. Sally: They do not. Harry: Do too. Sally: They do not. Harry: Do too. Sally: How do you know? Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her. Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive. Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them, too. Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you? Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story. [/sIZE][/sIZE][/FONT]
Darth Vader Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Check out this site: http://www.laddertheory.com/ and a piece from "When Harry Met Sally" [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][sIZE=2][sIZE=1]Sally: We are just going to be friends, OK?[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Harry: Great, friends. It's the best thing...You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Sally: Why not?[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape, or form - is that men and women can't be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Harry: No, you don't.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Sally: Yes, I do.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Harry: No, you don't.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Sally: Yes, I do.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Harry: You only think you do.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Sally: They do not.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Harry: Do too.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Sally: They do not.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Harry: Do too.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Sally: How do you know?[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them, too.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story. [/sIZE][/sIZE][/FONT] She may only like you as a friend, I've been through this kinda thing, sorta. Anyway, that's what I'm getting, she only likes you as a friend. Sure, you could ask her if she only sees you as a friend, if so, just accept her as a friend. I know, it's hard. She's probably a very Hot girl that you would love to have ride you, but, I think she's telling you in so many ways that she just wants to be friends. Yes, I feel for ya!
Author kidneyguy Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 Thanks for the advice, guys. D-Lish, thanks for expressing your concern. This was nothing compared to what it was like three years ago, but it looked like there were some warning signs that I was going down that road. But in a way, love is kind of like an obsession, right? Also, I've been thinking of going on a cross country road trip plenty of times before I fell for her this time. And she would have been invited to come along. There would have been other friends as well, so it would not have been a 2 week long "date". DenverBachelor, I read about the Ladder Theory at least once a year, so that I can understand it better. So far, it seems like I haven't had any relationships yet thanks to the Ladder Theory, and something else a little later. Darth Vader, Thanks for the personal testimony. I have come to accept that she likes me as a friend, only. But I still want to hang out with her, and see what happens. To all, I have asked her out, since I do want to see her one more time before she goes back to school. And I think she wants to see me again as well. But I didn't use diction that suggested any romantic feelings towards her, so, who knows what's going to happen. I'll keep you posted!
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