overlyConfused Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 I know it depends entirely on the situation, but is there a rule of thumb on how long NC takes place to have a good possibility that she won't come back? Is it safe to say that, after three months, if she has not come back, she more than likely will never come back? I apologize in advance for my desperation.
JLoves Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 (edited) Divorce Busting implies that it can be soon... The 2nd book Divorce Remedy backtracks on that and says it can take as long as it takes... One example takes over a year for things to get better. I guess it takes as long as it takes.. Thats why 180 and NC is necessary. It stops you going insane.. Once you get into the 'acceptance' phase, you realise this... But more importantly, you get to the point where you basically decide that it's either going to happen or not happen, but thats out of your control. You can't sit around waiting for the other person to decide, you need to get on with your life. If and when things start getting better and you have to decide if you are going to continue the relationship, you have to make that decision at that point.. and obviously start from scratch. Not exactly coherent. It's hard to describe.. I was saying to someone today in fact that there is no point telling them today how things are 'going' to be.. You have to get to that bridge on your on in your own time. Sorry.. Wish I had a magic answer. Then I'd know as well. Oh.. I meant to also say, that it's up to her.. You can't influence her in anyway (other than indirectly via 180 and NC). You have to get to the point of 'relinquishing' any control you thought you had over her. It also depends on why the OP decided to leave, how long they have been considering it, if there is affair fog going on,etc.. Edited December 27, 2009 by JLoves
Gunny376 Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 I'm not going to sugarcoat it, wrap it up in candy, nor try and slip it pass you like trying to give a dog their medication. More times than not once a woman leaves? They're done. They've left you mentally, emotionally long before they've left you physically. And that pretty much sounds like the case with you. A woman tells you she thinks you should date other women? She's done, did and over with. I'd file the D papers and get busy getting on with my life. Once having done so? She might come running back ~ but its more than likely that its because the rug has been pulled out from underneath her. The OM didn't work out, things got tough financially ~ IOW your her (or were) Plan B. The best thing to do is cut your losses and run. Chalk it up as a Life Lesson, learn from it, grow from it, and move on.
DenverBachelor Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Three months, in the big scheme of things, is a very short time -- especially when it comes to matters of the heart. Three months isn't enough time to change habits significantly, to heal from a broken heart, to purge the soul of all the trash that built up during the relationship, etc. If you two EVER had any chance of reconciliation, it would probably be far in the future as two entirely different people than who you both are today. My advice is to get started on the red-tape and move on with your life.
nobmagnet Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 i would guess gunny is correct. take back control a start proceedings. It will either poke her into action to win you back or make her happy. either way you need to move on if you can. sorry im not more positive. xxx
HeavenOrHell Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Impossible to say, it can take 2 days of NC, or a week, or a month, 3 months, 6 months, a year, 3 years in the case of a friend of mine, although they did have LC not full NC. They may never come back-highly likely. No one situation is the same!
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