45 days NC

[teanoranges]

So I made it past Christmas, not that that's a big deal for me, and really feel like the start of 2010 will be a new life for me.

Its very confusing because I don't know where I am in my life, but I'm chugging at it day by day.

 

Anyone else 45 or + days NC?

I'm sad, I'm not sad, its definitely back and forth.

 

I go through this thing of feeling like no one understands me, and thinking he was my best friend, I miss him, but then realizing he mustn't have really understood me or he did and didn't care...

 

... when does this stop? haha.

[carolinawanderer]

I'm not sure when it does. I've been NC a little over a month...I was going a month and a half or so in Sept/Oct but broke it. I saw my ex last month for dinner - there were some things I needed to hear from her to get some sort of closure. The things she said helped, but it was temporary...

 

It's easy to feel that no one understands you. I often feel like my ex would have stayed with me if she truly understood who I was. But then again, I know the truth is she still probably wouldn't have.

 

My mood seems to depend upon whether or not I feel like it was my fault or not. If I can convince myself it wasn't my fault, I feel better for a while, but then the "what ifs" start resurfacing.

 

I'm not sure when it stops. It hasn't for me. But most everyone has been dumped at some point, so I'm assuming it will just get better with time.

[teanoranges]

I know how you feel.. its sort of like you have to be at alert to feeling positive.. like you can't drop your guard and allow any of the other thoughts in.

 

I already feel my memories of him fading and I don't allow myself to look back... sad thing is, now all my memories are fading and its hard to remember where I put stuff! lol.

 

I sometimes wonder how he is and what he's doing. He's got such an amazing character I know his life is going just fine...

.. I just sometimes get sad that his life really started to pull together once we were nearing our final end..

I feel like I held him back by being there. I know its not the truth because I helped him grow too, but its just sad.

He's got a way about his brain and his conversation that is unlike anyone I've ever met. He was a challenge, I guess.

 

I can only have hope that I'll meet stimulating people that will help me see he isn't the only 'special' one.

[carolinawanderer]

I know how you feel.. its sort of like you have to be at alert to feeling positive.. like you can't drop your guard and allow any of the other thoughts in.

 

I already feel my memories of him fading and I don't allow myself to look back... sad thing is, now all my memories are fading and its hard to remember where I put stuff! lol.

 

I sometimes wonder how he is and what he's doing. He's got such an amazing character I know his life is going just fine...

.. I just sometimes get sad that his life really started to pull together once we were nearing our final end..

I feel like I held him back by being there. I know its not the truth because I helped him grow too, but its just sad.

He's got a way about his brain and his conversation that is unlike anyone I've ever met. He was a challenge, I guess.

 

I can only have hope that I'll meet stimulating people that will help me see he isn't the only 'special' one.

 

There are plenty of people out there like that...I definitely was during my relationship. My ex was a very smart person as well, but she didn't express herself like I did.

 

Part of my heartbreak was that I felt like I was going through my life meeting so many people that seemed the same, but then I met her, and she was so different...she was "normal" enough, but had a lot of traits I found very endearing.

 

But think (and I keep telling myself this too)...there is no way there's only one person for you. If there were, what are the odds of ever meeting them? Close to zero. Do you think all these happy couples met because they just had extraordinarily good luck? No - there are plenty of people you can be compatible with. Eventually, you find them.

[Peanut9330]

I'm on day 90 of NC and I have to say that I took the holidays very well. I wasn’t sad at all didn’t really think of him either, It really does get better in time but I still feel a little out of place. However I keep moving foreword I’m not going to let him hold me back.

[teanoranges]

carolina wanderer, somehow I know he's not the 'one' for me because well, we aren't together. But a part of me really does feel like I'll never be able to connect with anyone, including him because apparently the connection was all an illusion inside my own head after reflecting on it.

He's eyes were never truly on me for long. He was just keeping me around because it was more convenient than being alone.

 

I think a lot of the world settle with a person sooner than they should because they are impatient and want to settle down and get married as soon as possible... but that's a farfetched opinion, I know.

 

I keep telling myself though that I will find someone and it will come out of nowhere. I'm a very happy person and I love people. At the moment, I've been complimented and hit on by various people.. I think for a moment how wonderful it is, but the next moment I think 'I wish he could be here with me to share this beauty I'm feeling'

The it converts to, after reading LS forums, I'm obviously not his first choice (if he ever even came back) so there's no place for him. All his problems with me will still be there.

Deep down I guess I still want to be able to tell him that, but I do know and understand that once I'm fully healed I'll have no need for that. Better to just let it go.. its the way life works out.

 

Peanut, 90 days! good for you! I know how you feel about being out of place.. that's how I feel at the moment. As well as not letting it hold me back. I have goals in mind and working for them.

 

Now I know why 30 days NC is just not enough. 30 days lets you step away from the out of control emotions, but that's just the first step.

I was fine and dandy for awhile and now everything is a sad reminder of him, to the flowers on the sidewalks, to the smell of my pillow, to music I hear.

The tears have come again, but they last for a very very short time.

 

This happens to everyone and that's a crappy part of it too. I can't believe I just don't understand it and move on completely.

I don't really know how to describe it. I know it'll never be again, I just don't understand where these emotions come from and why they effect me at all.

[HeavenOrHell]

You're doing great hun, good for you 45 days is amazing! Remember grief isn't a straight line, it's ups and downs all the time

Keep going, you are doing great...

[teanoranges]

Thanks so much. sometimes I really just need a reminder that everything is going good and to keep up the good work.

 

I hate forgetting and that's probably why its so hard to let go.

The memories really are fading and its like I want to hold on to them for the future, but they won't mean anything to me in the future, so why bother?

[SushiOji]

I am also around 45 days and the memories no longer feel like I'm getting stabbed in the chest but I have my days where I feel like I am back at day 1. The thing that hurts me now is when I think of the future and don't see her in it.

[Peanut9330]

Thanks so much. sometimes I really just need a reminder that everything is going good and to keep up the good work.

 

I hate forgetting and that's probably why its so hard to let go.

The memories really are fading and its like I want to hold on to them for the future, but they won't mean anything to me in the future, so why bother?

 

 

 

I know how you feel I went through that as well all the memories and false hope. For me the only thing that kept me going was the good memories and the false hope that he will come back. It was hard to let go I was afraid because I didn’t know what was going to happen if I let go, but I can tell u this once I let go I felt like a massive weight was lifted of my chest. I think then and only then I started to move on, and you know what letting go of it all was not as bad as I thought it would be. I know its hard to take advice to let go as this is something you need to do on your own time but I can tell you this. Don’t be afraid to let go because once you do you will start to feel better.

[health]

So I made it past Christmas, not that that's a big deal for me, and really feel like the start of 2010 will be a new life for me.

Its very confusing because I don't know where I am in my life, but I'm chugging at it day by day.

 

Anyone else 45 or + days NC?

I'm sad, I'm not sad, its definitely back and forth.

 

I go through this thing of feeling like no one understands me, and thinking he was my best friend, I miss him, but then realizing he mustn't have really understood me or he did and didn't care...

 

... when does this stop? haha.

 

Good for you on your no contact! I am 8 months + no contact. She tried to contact me within that time. SHe hasn't tried for over 3 months now.

I'm doing good. It's just some days I think of things and feel anger, then love, then sappy. I want her completely out of my head. It feels better these days. I haven't broken down crying for like 3 months now. The other day I wanted to break nc...but 8 months? I'm on a roll here! lol

I wish you the best!

[teanoranges]

Wow Peanut, that's really inspiring. You couldn't have said it better.

I'm really trying to learn to let go and understand why I'm not. There's probably some inner meaning, as others on LS said, that has more to do with me than him.

 

8 months health! that's awesome! Congratulations. I know how you feel about being on a roll.. haha, I keep thinking of how the beginning felt and I do not want to start over!

That's one of the other things I've been analyzing. He won't contact me, I know it, but I wanted the opportunity to prove to myself that I can say no to him. I'm scared that if I move on, and somehow we get in contact that I'll be over it and not remember the hell I went through with all of this, and allow him to walk all over me again. Its almost like I'm hanging on just so I have these feelings so I can say 'no'.

Silly, but maybe understanding my thoughts will help me understand that it's time to just forget about all of this.

[mmk1]

I am on day 66 NC and its really easier every day. I do have challenges and temptations but I have avoided them.

 

Christmas was ultimately no big deal. I did not want a cheesy card or text or email. The only thing that would mean anything would be a contact that would be asking to get back together. Anything short of that I have no interest in.

 

Keep being strong and live your life like they're never coming back, but likely they won't.

[teanoranges]

Being strong is all I can try to be..

I know he's not coming back, every single sign I get is saying that he's in love with this other girl and I am almost positive she is the perfect one for him.

 

hmm, but yea, chugging along. Making it day to day and everything is looking up... just got to let time do its thing.