McGrupp Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 just wondering why i shouldnt call her and be like hey and shoot the ****? i guess b.c it will hurt and ill only find out information i dont want to know..god forbid she has someone else. or if she doesnt pick up. .... whats the use?
LovelyDaze Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 just wondering why i shouldnt call her and be like hey and shoot the ****? i guess b.c it will hurt and ill only find out information i dont want to know..god forbid she has someone else. or if she doesnt pick up. .... whats the use? You've just answered your own question,McGrupp. Unless you just feel like having a s***tier day, drop the phone.
Author McGrupp Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 i just want to have a conversation with her where im not a ****ing nutjob. every time ive talked since august(!) ive been fudging insane. i would like to have one normal convo with her. i guess silence speaks louder. idk
carolinawanderer Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Don't do it. NC rules are in place for a reason. I've accepted there is a 99.999% chance my ex is never coming back to me. I know that if I tried to talk to her, her apparent apathy toward the pain she's put me through would crush me, and I know how easy it would be for her to talk about her new beau in front of me. I'd only break NC with her if you are TRULY over her, don't care if she comes back, and don't care who shes's with. Do it only if your true intention is a friendly chat. If it is anything other than this, do not do it, it will only make you hurt more.
LovelyDaze Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 I would like you to let her do the contacting for a change. She probably fully expects you to contact her any day now. I hate that about our exes. They dump us and have this strange sadistic taste for us to try to keep clinging to them. Hence why my ex keeps pestering me nowadays. He doesn't really want me back seriously since he is still engaged. I mean, you can plan the conversation in your head and call but I just know you will not get the results you are looking for. I hate that you are hurting and I don't want you to hurt even more.
Author McGrupp Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 yup. ya know i think the funny thing is us ls'rs can give great advice to others but sometimes make the same mistakes. i took myself out of the situation and looked at it objectively like it was one of my friends. i would tell him not to contact her. so i wont. she didnt even hit me up on christmas, thanksgiving. wondering about NYE with it being my bday and all...
HeavenOrHell Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 There's no point. And how do you know you would keep your composure this time anyway, why would it be any different to the other times you talked to her and lost it? No offence, but I can't see what's changed, don't do it to yourself. If she texts you on your birthday what will that achieve? My ex has dinner with me but it means f*** all! i just want to have a conversation with her where im not a ****ing nutjob. every time ive talked since august(!) ive been fudging insane. i would like to have one normal convo with her. i guess silence speaks louder. idk
LisaUk Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Oh, McGrupp, I know how you feel. I wouldn't bank on that birthday contact though. My ex and I were together 18 years, he asked for NC over 7 months ago, no b'day card, no Christmas card from him, nada. 18 YEARS! Is it really too much to expect a little common denency, anyone would think I had abused him or something the way he is treating me. I did nothing but love him and he left me two weeks after we set the date to marry. Stay strong, I often get the urge to call, but I NEVER will, he ain't worth it and oneday you will see she isn't either, you deserve better.
LovelyDaze Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 yup. ya know i think the funny thing is us ls'rs can give great advice to others but sometimes make the same mistakes. i took myself out of the situation and looked at it objectively like it was one of my friends. i would tell him not to contact her. so i wont. she didnt even hit me up on christmas, thanksgiving. wondering about NYE with it being my bday and all... Oh hun, I know. See, it's like you said. I see many of you favs of mine give amazing advice and still have these vulnerable moments. SO DO I! I won't pretend I'm a big girl because I am not. I STILL wish things were different with my ex but I also stand aside of my situation as if I am a third person, assess it and do what will work to my benefit and not against it. KEEP doing that. We all think, yea...I can take it. We can't. Anything our exes would say would only hurt. What we are looking for is for them to magically transform back to being the way we loved them. Impossible now, that person is gone.
LovelyDaze Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Oh, McGrupp, I know how you feel. I wouldn't bank on that birthday contact though. My ex and I were together 18 years, he asked for NC over 7 months ago, no b'day card, no Christmas card from him, nada. 18 YEARS! Is it really too much to expect a little common denency, anyone would think I had abused him or something the way he is treating me. I did nothing but love him and he left me two weeks after we set the date to marry. Stay strong, I often get the urge to call, but I NEVER will, he ain't worth it and oneday you will see she isn't either, you deserve better. LisaUK, I am about to go to my sister's house for a lunch and on to a friend's in a bit but I must say...18 YEARS? And you are saying stay strong to another friend/member? I admire your courage and grace more than you can begin to believe! Most of us have only had months or a few years old relationships and here you are! Brave and exceptional is not enough to desribe you. we should all be so strong!
HeavenOrHell Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 18 years for me too LisaUK, I am about to go to my sister's house for a lunch and on to a friend's in a bit but I must say...18 YEARS? And you are saying stay strong to another friend/member? I admire your courage and grace more than you can begin to believe! Most of us have only had months or a few years old relationships and here you are! Brave and exceptional is not enough to desribe you. we should all be so strong!
alphamale Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 no, you cannot break NC under any circumstance
Author McGrupp Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 yer right. it sucks, but yer right
Kantor Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 no, you cannot break NC under any circumstance You cannot throw a blanket statement like that under any circumstance. Each situation is different. Usually whats good for the goose is good for the gander... not always.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 I agree. So does my relationship therapist! You cannot throw a blanket statement like that under any circumstance. Each situation is different. Usually whats good for the goose is good for the gander... not always.
Author McGrupp Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 no...ill never contact her again. ive made my mind up. also to move on...
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