Absolutely Curtains Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 I am very aware of the attitude of many LSers toward FB and FB-related dating questions. Advice that goes beyond or deeper than a simple "Don't take FB so seriously" would be the most helpful to me. That said: My bf frequently deletes his FB wall - so he'll accumulate a week or two weeks' worth of posts and statuses and comments, then delete them all. He currently has a handful (maybe a week's worth) of wall posts. One day last week I wrote something on his wall. The next person who wrote on his wall is a girl I don't know. Don't know who she is or how she knows my bf, but an educated guess would be she's an old college friend. She wrote something that is clearly an inside joke, but that had a specific purpose. It was about my bf and some other friends (all with nicknames that I don't know, that's the inside joke part) going to a bar on Christmas Eve. Her post says (basically): "Name, Name, Name, Name, Name, Name will be at Bar tonight. 25 cent pitchers and handjobs in the bathroom." My bf and one other person commented on her post. My bf then changed his status to: "I've spent 90% of my money on women & alcohol. The rest I squandered." I deleted my wall post, because I don't want it next to what I see as inappropriate and disrespectful toward me. I don't know if my bf went out that night, because he didn't call me, and I didn't call him, and then yesterday I didn't ask him about it. Thoughts on this?
boogieboy Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 None of that has anything to do with you. Dont take FB so seriously. If you feel you cant trust your BF when hes not with you, talk to him, thats what "communication" is for. You're already starting the process of chipping away at your relationship with non-trust.
threebyfate Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 What are you more annoyed at, the fact that she posted about handjobs or that you weren't invited? Sounds to me like your b/f has a separate life, which is fine, but that you haven't even met his friends, is a big, red flag.
Author Absolutely Curtains Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 What are you more annoyed at, the fact that she posted about handjobs or that you weren't invited? Sounds to me like your b/f has a separate life, which is fine, but that you haven't even met his friends, is a big, red flag. I'm pretty sure that he didn't go, because if he had I think he would've invited me. Whoever this girl is also definitely isn't a good friend, because if she was I would've met met her by now. I've met a lot of his friends. What I'm annoyed about is that she posted about handjobs and not only did he leave it up, but he and someone else commented on it. Maybe the thing about handjobs is also an inside joke? I don't know, but I think it's inappropriate to have that on a somewhat public website, combined with the fact that it appears that that comment was in reference to her giving him handjobs in the bathroom. It's fine for him to have a past, but when you're in a relationship with someone else, I don't think it's appropriate for those personal details to be posted for my bf's and my mutual friends (or myself) to see. However, I do realize that maybe I'm just being really uptight about this, so I haven't said anything to my bf, besides which I know it will eventually be deleted.
stevejohnson1976 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 i wouldnt be worried about it. There is no way she gave him a handjob then openly posted it on Facebook - if that's what you're worried about. They probably caught someone else doing it or something.,
Author Absolutely Curtains Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 i wouldnt be worried about it. There is no way she gave him a handjob then openly posted it on Facebook - if that's what you're worried about. They probably caught someone else doing it or something., She definitely didn't give him one in the bathroom that night...lol that thought actually hadn't even crossed my mind I didn't consider the second part you suggested though, going back and reading the following comments on her post, that could fit. I read it as she gave my bf a handjob in the bathroom, but now that you suggested that, I also think it would've made sense if she was giving another one of his friends one and my bf walked in on them. Still think it's kind of icky for 30 year olds to be writing about handjobs on FB though!
threebyfate Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 I'm pretty sure that he didn't go, because if he had I think he would've invited me. Whoever this girl is also definitely isn't a good friend, because if she was I would've met met her by now. I've met a lot of his friends. What I'm annoyed about is that she posted about handjobs and not only did he leave it up, but he and someone else commented on it. Maybe the thing about handjobs is also an inside joke? I don't know, but I think it's inappropriate to have that on a somewhat public website, combined with the fact that it appears that that comment was in reference to her giving him handjobs in the bathroom. It's fine for him to have a past, but when you're in a relationship with someone else, I don't think it's appropriate for those personal details to be posted for my bf's and my mutual friends (or myself) to see. However, I do realize that maybe I'm just being really uptight about this, so I haven't said anything to my bf, besides which I know it will eventually be deleted.I'm glad you've met some of his friends. But I would ask him if he went and also, ask him who this handjob chick is.
norajane Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 I doubt anyone gave or intended to give anyone any handjobs in the bathroom. Yes, it's one of those inside jokes that college friends have for god only knows what reason. Even if you ask him about it, his explanation won't make sense nor will it seem as funny because it has nothing to do with you and you aren't "in" on the joke. Admit it - you'd have gone into a tizzy no matter what she posted because SHE posted it. Ask him about her so he can reassure you. That's the only thing that will make you feel better.
Mary3 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 What concerns me : Does the girl who posted handjobs know you are his girlfriend ? If she does , she is just not very nice ie; nasty and disrespectful. If she doesn't know , how come ? As for ignoring and acting like nothing likely happened....hrmm....you really don't know that... At the end of the day , all that really matters is that he is faithful . He either is , or he isn't here..... PS : handjobs = unfaithful....
Author Absolutely Curtains Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 I'm glad you've met some of his friends. But I would ask him if he went and also, ask him who this handjob chick is. Supposedly he didn't go. I think he would've mentioned it if he had. He said she's a friend of a friend. If they had hooked up, he wouldn't ever tell me, if that's what you're driving at? I doubt anyone gave or intended to give anyone any handjobs in the bathroom. That wasn't why it bothered me; I never thought that was an actual possibility. Admit it - you'd have gone into a tizzy no matter what she posted because SHE posted it. Nope, plenty of women, some who I know or have heard of, some that I don't and haven't, post on his wall all the time. I don't have a problem with any of them. I have a problem because she is explicitly talking about sex on my bf's FB page for hundreds of people to see. It's true that if I had ever met or heard of her before I would have less of a problem with it, but I still wouldn't like it. Part of the reason it bothers me is because it's not clear if it's an inside joke, or if they hooked up (and that's part of the joke) and I think if that's the case it should have immediately been deleted. I wish I could talk to him about that, but it's one of those things that happened before me, and so don't feel I can bring it up, and I also know he wouldn't tell me if they had. Part of the reason it bothers me is because other people who are not in on the joke (if indeed that's what it is) could very definitely interpret it as something it's not, which I think is disrespectful to me. Part of the reason it bothers me is that I don't think talking about handjobs on FB is appropriate, and it is far from classy. I don't want my name anywhere on his wall while he has things like that up, and honestly I don't want my friends to see things like that on his wall either. Ask him about her so he can reassure you. That's the only thing that will make you feel better. True, that and deleting it would make me feel better. He wouldn't reassure me though, which is why I came here to get some opinions. Thank you for yours What concerns me : Does the girl who posted handjobs know you are his girlfriend ? If she does , she is just not very nice ie; nasty and disrespectful. If she doesn't know , how come ? As for ignoring and acting like nothing likely happened....hrmm....you really don't know that... At the end of the day , all that really matters is that he is faithful . He either is , or he isn't here..... PS : handjobs = unfaithful.... Well I don't think she gave him a handjob (while he and I were dating at any rate). His FB profile says that he's in a relationship with me, so probably she knows he's in a realtionship, but she's never met me, and I'm sure that he's never mentioned me to her before. I don't think they're very good friends.
Mary3 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Supposedly he didn't go. I think he would've mentioned it if he had. He said she's a friend of a friend. If they had hooked up, he wouldn't ever tell me, if that's what you're driving at? That wasn't why it bothered me; I never thought that was an actual possibility. Nope, plenty of women, some who I know or have heard of, some that I don't and haven't, post on his wall all the time. I don't have a problem with any of them. I have a problem because she is explicitly talking about sex on my bf's FB page for hundreds of people to see. It's true that if I had ever met or heard of her before I would have less of a problem with it, but I still wouldn't like it. Part of the reason it bothers me is because it's not clear if it's an inside joke, or if they hooked up (and that's part of the joke) and I think if that's the case it should have immediately been deleted. I wish I could talk to him about that, but it's one of those things that happened before me, and so don't feel I can bring it up, and I also know he wouldn't tell me if they had. Part of the reason it bothers me is because other people who are not in on the joke (if indeed that's what it is) could very definitely interpret it as something it's not, which I think is disrespectful to me. Part of the reason it bothers me is that I don't think talking about handjobs on FB is appropriate, and it is far from classy. I don't want my name anywhere on his wall while he has things like that up, and honestly I don't want my friends to see things like that on his wall either. True, that and deleting it would make me feel better. He wouldn't reassure me though, which is why I came here to get some opinions. Thank you for yours Well I don't think she gave him a handjob (while he and I were dating at any rate). His FB profile says that he's in a relationship with me, so probably she knows he's in a realtionship, but she's never met me, and I'm sure that he's never mentioned me to her before. I don't think they're very good friends. Well thats even getting weirder. : Would you post to a guy " who was not even a close friend " that you wanted to give him a hand job ? Have you met all his friends ? The last likely scenario is : that she is -----. She likes to cause trouble. She found FB is a way to do it... But out of respect for you , this post she did on FB , should have been removed immediately. For your sake , his sake and the relationship.
stevejohnson1976 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 She definitely didn't give him one in the bathroom that night...lol that thought actually hadn't even crossed my mind I didn't consider the second part you suggested though, going back and reading the following comments on her post, that could fit. I read it as she gave my bf a handjob in the bathroom, but now that you suggested that, I also think it would've made sense if she was giving another one of his friends one and my bf walked in on them. Still think it's kind of icky for 30 year olds to be writing about handjobs on FB though! no, what I was saying was there is NO WAY she gave him a handjob in a bar bathroom EVER....no one in their right mind would post something like that on Facebook and admit to giving a dude a HJ in a bar bathroom. no one is THAT big a slut.... I'm guessing a bunch of them were out and some random idiots were in the bathroom getting/giving an HJ. So its a funny story. I doubt she was giving someone an HJ and was caught by your boyfriend. No chance. Why would she openly admit that?
Mary3 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Is the status defined as * single , married , ect ?...... You said his status was 90% something ....something....( correct me on this if you like )
OnlyJake Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 no, what I was saying was there is NO WAY she gave him a handjob in a bar bathroom EVER....no one in their right mind would post something like that on Facebook and admit to giving a dude a HJ in a bar bathroom. no one is THAT big a slut.... I'm guessing a bunch of them were out and some random idiots were in the bathroom getting/giving an HJ. So its a funny story. I doubt she was giving someone an HJ and was caught by your boyfriend. No chance. Why would she openly admit that? Hehe, stevejohnson you're a little naive FB user aren't you?? Not making fun of you, and I agree that it's probably some kind of inside joke, but it's pretty funny that you think there aren't women like that all over FB To the OP, I agree with stevejohnson, mostly, although I do see your point, and I probably wouldn't like it either. I also think you're smart to have not brought it up with your bf though.
stevejohnson1976 Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Hehe, stevejohnson you're a little naive FB user aren't you?? Not making fun of you, and I agree that it's probably some kind of inside joke, but it's pretty funny that you think there aren't women like that all over FB To the OP, I agree with stevejohnson, mostly, although I do see your point, and I probably wouldn't like it either. I also think you're smart to have not brought it up with your bf though. Not at all. I just figure that any self-respecting woman wouldn't be talking about HJ's on a social networking site. So many parents and other family members have accounts, I wouldn't want my parents know I'm getting/giving HJ's in a bar bathroom. I dunno, I don't think that's naive... I know there are sluts everywhere you go...library, Facebook, this forum, church. I'm just saying you have to have NO SELF-RESPECT for yourself if you DID give this guy a HJ and then bragged about it on FB....
Angel1111 Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 I would just mention to him that it seemed like an inside joke and ask him what the story is behind it.
OnlyJake Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Not at all. I just figure that any self-respecting woman wouldn't be talking about HJ's on a social networking site. So many parents and other family members have accounts, I wouldn't want my parents know I'm getting/giving HJ's in a bar bathroom. I dunno, I don't think that's naive... I know there are sluts everywhere you go...library, Facebook, this forum, church. I'm just saying you have to have NO SELF-RESPECT for yourself if you DID give this guy a HJ and then bragged about it on FB.... I don't think it's especially common, but of my FB "friends" I can come up with at least 2 people off the top of my head who are like that, so I wouldn't entirely rule out that possibility, though I do think it's a long shot. I also do think that it's more common in younger FB users. Is 1976 your birth year? I bet the people you know aren't that bad.
New_Life08 Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 First of all FB and any other social network is a good indicator of character. People will tell you not to take is seriously for whatever reason...but you should take it seriously. The next thing I want to say and I cannot say this enough...YOUR PARTNER'S FRIENDS ARE NOT GOING TO HAVE ANYMORE RESPECT FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP THAN HE DOES. What I mean is what he is telling you in private is probably a lot different than what he is telling them about your relationship. People do not just leave messages like that for a friend they know is happily in a relationship....unless they are intentionally trying to cause problems. Think about it...why would she leave a message like that right after your message? That is ZERO respect for you, and he allowed it. The way he changed his status, and allowed her to post something so inappropriate, sounds like he's a player. And yes, he probably went to the bar without a care in the world. He didn't call because he didn't want you to ruin it for him. I'd dump his a$$ AND the horse he rode in on!! You deserve better than than this.
threebyfate Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Supposedly he didn't go. I think he would've mentioned it if he had. He said she's a friend of a friend. If they had hooked up, he wouldn't ever tell me, if that's what you're driving at? You're just assuming he didn't go. Why not ask him and also, ask him about this chick?
Mary3 Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 First of all FB and any other social network is a good indicator of character. People will tell you not to take is seriously for whatever reason...but you should take it seriously. The next thing I want to say and I cannot say this enough...YOUR PARTNER'S FRIENDS ARE NOT GOING TO HAVE ANYMORE RESPECT FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP THAN HE DOES. What I mean is what he is telling you in private is probably a lot different than what he is telling them about your relationship. People do not just leave messages like that for a friend they know is happily in a relationship....unless they are intentionally trying to cause problems. Think about it...why would she leave a message like that right after your message? That is ZERO respect for you, and he allowed it. The way he changed his status, and allowed her to post something so inappropriate, sounds like he's a player. And yes, he probably went to the bar without a care in the world. He didn't call because he didn't want you to ruin it for him. I'd dump his a$$ AND the horse he rode in on!! You deserve better than than this. I reallllllllllllly like this answer ................
mortensorchid Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Sounds like they were just trying to have fun or be funny about those posts. That I would not be bent out of shape about it, but I would question why it was that he didn't even give you a ring on Christmas Eve. Unless you two have just met or something I think I would consider giving someone a ring on Christmas Eve that I was seeing. But hopefully you have resolved this, being that it's now the 27th.
ordinary_girl Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 I just figure that any self-respecting woman wouldn't be talking about HJ's on a social networking site. So many parents and other family members have accounts, I wouldn't want my parents know I'm getting/giving HJ's in a bar bathroom. I dunno, I don't think that's naive... QUOTE] you have your parents on your FB account?
ordinary_girl Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 People do not just leave messages like that for a friend they know is happily in a relationship....unless they are intentionally trying to cause problems. Think about it...why would she leave a message like that right after your message? That is ZERO respect for you, and he allowed it. The way he changed his status, and allowed her to post something so inappropriate, sounds like he's a player. And yes, he probably went to the bar without a care in the world. He didn't call because he didn't want you to ruin it for him. I'd dump his a$$ AND the horse he rode in on!! You deserve better than than this. jesus christ. sorry about the blasphemy but you sound scary. talk about reading too much into some idiot posting something dumb on a FB page.
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