The day the earth stood still! Dec 26

[kwiley]

I just thought maybe that creating this blog would be somewhat cathartic in helping me cope with my breakup on this day December 26, 2009. I guess it is another way of feeling sorry for myself or expressing my angst, frustration, and overwhelming depression that will be setting in.

 

FIRST -Break up over the Holidays is the worst, BUT I saw it coming with my loved one of seven years. My spidey sense told me this summer that hey, has a spark gone out?, does she love me like I love her? After pressing I did not get a clear response then!

 

WELL last night after really comfronting her over the phone on xmas day I got the ultimate answers. Do you REALLY still love me like I love you? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with me. The answers to both was I DON'T KNOW a three word relationship euphemism for NO!

 

The PROVERBIAL heart taken out of my chest and shown to me. I had inclinations this might be coming but it was never answered with the knife halfway in phrase of I DON'T KNOW! Checkmate! It's over-your middle age but has lost the love of his life for the past seven years!

 

THEN I get the "I need to clear my head and will talk to you tomorrow" bit Dumb and Dumber moment people-I say to myself-so you're saying there is a chance! Temporary insanity because think about it, the first answer was the most brutally honest answer with her feelings, tomorrow would only be buyers remorse, feel bad for me so forget what I said I love you forever, a total cover up of her TRUE feelings.

 

Of course we talk this morning and after pressing again, the nuclear annihilation mega neutron bomb drop of the translated conversation subtitle of -IT'S OVER!!!!!

 

The heart was already gone, now complete seppaku of the soul-disemboweled from the innards of the stomach and emotional cranium.

 

7 years of your relationship is flashed before you in a pico second, you become paralyzed in your footsteps, you do your best and dam up the man tears, and then the most pathetic crying, snot drooling, wailing that most women could not fathom a man was capable-emotional debauchery.

 

My dogs trying to console my pitiful outbursts by jumping on me, trying to "cheer" me (dogs are just so doggone intuitive-excuse the pun!)

 

I'm thinking two things. That what do I tell family and friends (next blog for answers to this one) AND as a a 43 year old this could be it.

 

I was so delusional thinking well me and my baby until we grow old together. I'm over half way there and my mind quickly flashed to me signing up for e -harmony, my middle age but "picking up chicks" at the local club, ordering a Russian bride, being the creepy old uncle people whisper about or gossip about who had one failed marriage and now a failed long term relationship-"It must be something wrong with him!", dying alone in the rest home no kids, no significant other, and a visit from the boy scouts or a visit from some pet program for old lonely losers, me wearing a shirt that says- hey I'm available, then the imagining of future dates-the smoker, the mom with 5 kids by two other men, the temporarily infatuated 21 year old, the 44 year old grandma, the arranged date or the one forced to go out with you(just shoot me now!!!), speed/in the dark/contrived gimmick dates, the colleague date, and the worse back to the beginning date-get to know each other phase that everyone wants to skip but doesn't.

 

I will keep posting, but now since I'm the Steve Martin Lonely Guy (a movie recommendation!) character, I would love to hear from anybody since I will be more than settling into some significant bedtime, ice cream eating, and continued man tears. thanks for your time-back to being a lonely guy!

Edited December 26, 2009 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Eisenhower]

Kwiley, I can kind of relate. I'm 38, never married, and was seeing a recently divorced 27 yr. old hottie with 2 beautiful little children who I loved. Her divorce baggage and emotional immaturity ended us after about a year and a half, but I have to admit, one of the things that triggers the panic response in me is "I'll never be able to get another girl like this at my age."

 

You're a good writer - keep pouring your heart out, it may prove cathartic. I wish you the best.

 

Eisenhower

[kwiley]

Thanks so much for the relate and support Eisenhower. Today I feel like a zombie. I just went to the grocery store for my depression food (ice cream, etc.) and I swore a kid around the snack ailse 7 said "Dead (pathetic old) man walking!"