"I like a confident man" what what does that mean....

[b52s]

...to a woman??

 

Chances are the answer given, "Well, I like a guy that is sure of himself"....well, what does that mean.

 

Is this a question that doesn't have a REAL answer to it, because it has so many variables?

 

So many opinions might be given.

 

Also, to define "Confidence" people will say what a man should NOT be in order to define "Confidence" right?

 

However, I might be going out WAY on a limb here, but over time, sometimes men's confidence might be broken by women...some of the VERY same women who are wanting a man with "confidence"

 

I guess it all starts when a guy is eventually ready to ask out his first woman....the woman wants a guy with confidence....the guy approaches her....he won't meet her criteria physically...say he's too short or something....she laughs in his face....this might make him LOOSE confidence in asking the next woman out.....that might or might not do the same thing.

 

So is confidence about, "He must be able to take rejection or possibly even verbal chastising" and still be able to "take it" in order to KEEP his confidence?

 

Some men might LOOSe confidence after being treated even badly by women.

 

Even what I described here not make any sense, lol

 

But,t hen you might say, the kind of guy who lets "women get to him"....lets his confidence be lost...is not the kind of man you'd want to date anyhow, right?

 

If you think about it...it might be considered a PARADOX.

[MyNameIsJonas]

However, I might be going out WAY on a limb here, but over time, sometimes men's confidence might be broken by women...some of the VERY same women who are wanting a man with "confidence"

 

Women want a guy who is confident in that he does put up with any crap. Everybody has problems and letdowns, but the confident man gets through those problems and letdowns, learns from them, and becomes stronger as a result.

 

I guess it all starts when a guy is eventually ready to ask out his first woman....the woman wants a guy with confidence....the guy approaches her....he won't meet her criteria physically...say he's too short or something....she laughs in his face....this might make him LOOSE confidence in asking the next woman out.....that might or might not do the same thing.

 

I'm sorry but that never happens in real life. Even the worst women I have ever met are not capable of that movie quality put down where she laughs in his face. The worst I have a seen is a woman look at a guy and simply say "not interested," then walk away. Reagrdless, would you want to spend time with a woman who is that superficial? I know I wouldn't.

 

So is confidence about, "He must be able to take rejection or possibly even verbal chastising" and still be able to "take it" in order to KEEP his confidence?

 

Yes exactly. Walk through the fire, heal your wounds, come out stronger.

 

Some men might LOOSe confidence after being treated even badly by women.

 

Weaker men loose confidence, which is the type of men women do not want.

 

If you think about it...it might be considered a PARADOX.

 

Disagree. Everyone experiences crap in their life. It's the true confident men who emerge from the crap and learn from it.

[betamanlet]

Most women have low self esteem, and thus are timid, but women are repulsed by those same traits in men, hence why they prefer confident men to shy men. Shy is the opposite of confidence. It also has to do with putting the burden of rejection 100% on the other party. That's life, and we have to deal with it. If you want a woman, it's your job to do everything.

[carhill]

That is, until you lived long enough that the comrades around you are dropping like flies into molasses from being used up by women and you're the only man left standing. Then, watch out. It's an amazing sight

 

Just surviving the onslaught brings confidence. Survival.

[threebyfate]

People in general get treated badly, in one dating experience or another. Real confidence which comes from self-respect, doesn't just fade or get broken. You know what you're worth and when times get tough, you roll with the punches and come up swinging.

 

If you find yourself "broken" by a few dating rejections, that's not true confidence. Just wait until real life hits and kicks you in the nuts, a few times. You can either be bitter about it or you can learn something about yourself.

[carhill]

Yeah, in retrospect, dating rejections aren't even an infinitesimal blip on the radar screen of life. They're nothing.

 

Also, I admire a woman who can discern quiet confidence from projected confidence. Haven't met too many of those. Probably a function of our society's norms and value systems. Regardless, whatever a woman's descriptor of confidence is, that is the man she will seek out. No control there. Life goes on

[Angel1111]

You're interpreting confidence to mean confidence with women. It's really about being confident about pretty much everything else, and not necessarily women. You can have a man who's confident - i.e., knows what he wants to do with his life, knows what he wants, where he wants to live, what kind of house he'll be in, how much money he wants to make, feels certain he'll get there, etc. - but he doesn't have a lot of confidence with women. And that's ok. The thing women need to know is that you know who you are, that you know where you're going, what you're going to do for a living, etc. and she won't care that you're a little unsure in the department of women. As a matter of fact, that is usually charming. Read John Gray's book called 'Mars and Venus Dating' (or something like that - it's the dating version of his books) and he explains exactly what this term confidence means and what women are looking for. They want a 'man with a plan', as he says.

 

And, btw, women can lose their confidence, too, after being knocked around by men. Don't think that it's one-sided.

[sally4sara]

...to a woman??

 

However, I might be going out WAY on a limb here, but over time, sometimes men's confidence might be broken by women...some of the VERY same women who are wanting a man with "confidence"

 

Some men might LOOSe confidence after being treated even badly by women.

 

I really thought this over before answering so I'm not trying to be flip here but, part of what it means to me anyway is that he doesn't let it matter much if a woman turns him down. A woman you barely know shouldn't have that much effect on you that your entire self esteem evaporates on her whim and mood. The more in control of his own attitude he is, the more attractive he is. That way when he is showing me he desires me - I know it's genuine. Some other woman treated you badly? WTF does that have to do with now or me? Not a damn thing and it should stay that way. The moment you are letting what some other woman did or said effect how you interact with me, I can't respect you. I know I have to pick and choose my words or risk wounding your fragile nature and that is too much pressure right off the bat. Sorry, I can't be arsed of all that for someone I just met.

 

Tips to guys who think they're "too nice". You're not nice, you are vindictive and still seething over last night, last week, last year's rejections. A confident man would have moved the eff on to the next knowing that he isn't measure by the actions of someone who is not him. A confident man can look me over with hunger on his face and doesn't give a hoot if I see it or like seeing it.

Best way I can explain it: Women are not attracted to men really. They are attracted to their reflection in a man's eyes. When I was single, and a man I had a rapport with wore his attraction TO me in his eye and smile, it was like a reflection of me and I was attracted to his desire for me. I wanted to be what he was imagining that put that hungry grin on his face.

Socially awkward men are afraid of exposure. Showing their wants leaves them vulnerable and they don't believe in their own right to their lust. They secret it away and fester over it.

[b52s]

I really thought this over before answering so I'm not trying to be flip here but, part of what it means to me anyway is that he doesn't let it matter much if a woman turns him down. A woman you barely know shouldn't have that much effect on you that your entire self esteem evaporates on her whim and mood. The more in control of his own attitude he is, the more attractive he is. That way when he is showing me he desires me - I know it's genuine. Some other woman treated you badly? WTF does that have to do with now or me? Not a damn thing and it should stay that way. The moment you are letting what some other woman did or said effect how you interact with me, I can't respect you. I know I have to pick and choose my words or risk wounding your fragile nature and that is too much pressure right off the bat. Sorry, I can't be arsed of all that for someone I just met.

 

Tips to guys who think they're "too nice". You're not nice, you are vindictive and still seething over last night, last week, last year's rejections. A confident man would have moved the eff on to the next knowing that he isn't measure by the actions of someone who is not him. A confident man can look me over with hunger on his face and doesn't give a hoot if I see it or like seeing it.

Best way I can explain it: Women are not attracted to men really. They are attracted to their reflection in a man's eyes. When I was single, and a man I had a rapport with wore his attraction TO me in his eye and smile, it was like a reflection of me and I was attracted to his desire for me. I wanted to be what he was imagining that put that hungry grin on his face.

Socially awkward men are afraid of exposure. Showing their wants leaves them vulnerable and they don't believe in their own right to their lust. They secret it away and fester over it.

 

I think I know what you're referring to. And it does make great sense. But then there's that problem of women sometimes accusing a man of being stalkerish.

 

Ever seen posts by men here that had asked that they liked a girl, and asked if they should do this or that? And some responses were, "Don't do that, it's creepy...I hate it when a man does that, it's stalkerish"

 

Men don't want to be labeled as such.

 

Take this video for instance:

 

Of course, one of those "it's so funny it's true" situations

 

"Frank was awkward and a little pushy....Greg was handsome"

 

So I think this whole sexual harassment/afraid of seeming stalkerish/creepy has kind of thrown a monkey wrench in the "confidence" thing.

 

So maybe it's not the fact men are not confident, but just cautious perhaps?

 

You have to give credit for Frank for approaching that woman, he DID have confidence, however, look what happened...he wasn't handsome. lol

 

If action upon the woman doesn't take place, then at the very most, she'll probably spread a little of your reputation around of how you went about approaching her....so she'll tell all her friends how you asked her out, so she might say stuff about you to her friends.

 

They don't' believe in their own right to lust because, in a sense that right has been taken away perhaps?

 

 

I think a lot guys on dating message boards look for advice as to not seem "creepy or stalkerish" when approaching a woman and what to say.

[sally4sara]

I'm sorry but that was a SNL skit. Funny - but not a good reference tool for real life situations.

 

Take note though that the ferreting guy who didn't didn't own his lust (acted like he was doing something wrong) but then the guy who was straight forward (acted like it was no big thing) seemed more confident even without asserting his lust. They then throw him in there in his underware for giggles and to support all the non assertive guys' desire to believe they are passed over for being "nice" rather than behaving like a gnat that expects to be swatted.

 

Like a mother that reacts to a tone a child takes when tattling - some child is misbehaving and action must be taken to stop them.

A single woman guards herself to flee an intruder; this can be triggered by a guy who behaves AS an intrusion.

[betamanlet]

I think I know what you're referring to. And it does make great sense. But then there's that problem of women sometimes accusing a man of being stalkerish.

 

Ever seen posts by men here that had asked that they liked a girl, and asked if they should do this or that? And some responses were, "Don't do that, it's creepy...I hate it when a man does that, it's stalkerish"

 

Men don't want to be labeled as such.

 

Take this video for instance:

 

Of course, one of those "it's so funny it's true" situations

 

"Frank was awkward and a little pushy....Greg was handsome"

 

So I think this whole sexual harassment/afraid of seeming stalkerish/creepy has kind of thrown a monkey wrench in the "confidence" thing.

 

So maybe it's not the fact men are not confident, but just cautious perhaps?

 

You have to give credit for Frank for approaching that woman, he DID have confidence, however, look what happened...he wasn't handsome. lol

 

If action upon the woman doesn't take place, then at the very most, she'll probably spread a little of your reputation around of how you went about approaching her....so she'll tell all her friends how you asked her out, so she might say stuff about you to her friends.

 

They don't' believe in their own right to lust because, in a sense that right has been taken away perhaps?

 

 

I think a lot guys on dating message boards look for advice as to not seem "creepy or stalkerish" when approaching a woman and what to say.

 

 

I had a flling with a coworker once and she said "it's not sexual harassment if you're attracted"

[sally4sara]

I had a flling with a coworker once and she said "it's not sexual harassment if you're attracted"

 

And how long ago was that for you to still be reacting to it? Why are you still dragging that around with you? What is it doing FOR you today?

[thegreatmoose]

Take note though that the ferreting guy who didn't didn't own his lust (acted like he was doing something wrong) but then the guy who was straight forward (acted like it was no big thing) seemed more confident even without asserting his lust.

This is very interesting. As a man, I've never thought of it this way.

[Pizzaman81]

No whining, take actions. A man who is able to work together with others to solve a problem instead of pacing back and forth thinking and never resolving.

[cognac]

Tips to guys who think they're "too nice". You're not nice, you are vindictive and still seething over last night, last week, last year's rejections. A confident man would have moved the eff on to the next knowing that he isn't measure by the actions of someone who is not him. A confident man can look me over with hunger on his face and doesn't give a hoot if I see it or like seeing it.[/Quote]

 

LOL! Yes I'd love to try that 'hunger on my face' trick with a random or even woman i know. I mean I know women secretly want to be coerced into sex, but you can't just do it randomly because unless you are good looking that would make you a creep/weird.

[knaveman]

I really thought this over before answering so I'm not trying to be flip here but, part of what it means to me anyway is that he doesn't let it matter much if a woman turns him down. A woman you barely know shouldn't have that much effect on you that your entire self esteem evaporates on her whim and mood. The more in control of his own attitude he is, the more attractive he is. That way when he is showing me he desires me - I know it's genuine. Some other woman treated you badly? WTF does that have to do with now or me? Not a damn thing and it should stay that way. The moment you are letting what some other woman did or said effect how you interact with me, I can't respect you. I know I have to pick and choose my words or risk wounding your fragile nature and that is too much pressure right off the bat. Sorry, I can't be arsed of all that for someone I just met.

 

This about sums up what I always thought.

[norajane]

A man who is self-conscious about how he comes across to women is not confident.

 

When women say they like confident men, they mean men who are self-confident - secure enough in their own worth that they aren't painfully self-conscious about every little thing they do or say, and aren't anxious about what others think of them.

[sally4sara]

LOL! Yes I'd love to try that 'hunger on my face' trick with a random or even woman i know. I mean I know women secretly want to be coerced into sex, but you can't just do it randomly because unless you are good looking that would make you a creep/weird.

 

Ummm.

A guy wanting sex and wearing that want on his face has nothing to do with being coerced into sex.

Maybe guys who cannot wrap their heads around the concept that women like and seek out sex too always walk around thinking of sex as something to steal or trick a woman into. So they always act like an intrusion and come off creepy.

 

Dude, women do not want guys coercing them into sex. We even have a law against it - its called rape.

[betamanlet]

A man who is self-conscious about how he comes across to women is not confident.

 

When women say they like confident men, they mean men who are self-confident - secure enough in their own worth that they aren't painfully self-conscious about every little thing they do or say, and aren't anxious about what others think of them.

 

 

Exactly. Many women hate themselves, and hate things that remind them of themselves. Nice guys remind them of themselves, hence the repulsion.

[betamanlet]

And how long ago was that for you to still be reacting to it? Why are you still dragging that around with you? What is it doing FOR you today?

 

 

It's called an example. YOu'd make a brilliant lawyer, you know, refusing to cite any precedent because it's from the past.....

[sally4sara]

It's called an example. YOu'd make a brilliant lawyer, you know, refusing to cite any precedent because it's from the past.....

 

And you'd make a great menopausal southern belle.

[betamanlet]

And you'd make a great menopausal southern belle.

 

 

Your ad hominem attacks have added so much to the discussion. What would we do without your wisdom?

[b52s]

Your ad hominem attacks have added so much to the discussion. What would we do without your wisdom?

 

I like saying the word "ad hominem"...it sounds funny....ad...homineeeem" hehehehe!

[Sam Spade]

I really thought this over before answering so I'm not trying to be flip here but, part of what it means to me anyway is that he doesn't let it matter much if a woman turns him down. A woman you barely know shouldn't have that much effect on you that your entire self esteem evaporates on her whim and mood. The more in control of his own attitude he is, the more attractive he is. That way when he is showing me he desires me - I know it's genuine. Some other woman treated you badly? WTF does that have to do with now or me? Not a damn thing and it should stay that way. The moment you are letting what some other woman did or said effect how you interact with me, I can't respect you. I know I have to pick and choose my words or risk wounding your fragile nature and that is too much pressure right off the bat. Sorry, I can't be arsed of all that for someone I just met.

 

Tips to guys who think they're "too nice". You're not nice, you are vindictive and still seething over last night, last week, last year's rejections. A confident man would have moved the eff on to the next knowing that he isn't measure by the actions of someone who is not him. A confident man can look me over with hunger on his face and doesn't give a hoot if I see it or like seeing it.

Best way I can explain it: Women are not attracted to men really. They are attracted to their reflection in a man's eyes. When I was single, and a man I had a rapport with wore his attraction TO me in his eye and smile, it was like a reflection of me and I was attracted to his desire for me. I wanted to be what he was imagining that put that hungry grin on his face.

Socially awkward men are afraid of exposure. Showing their wants leaves them vulnerable and they don't believe in their own right to their lust. They secret it away and fester over it.

 

hahaha! Finally some honesty!

 

One of the most important growth milestones as a man was letting go of the shame.

"I want to f*ck you, deal with it":), summarizes it pretty well.

 

I've also noticed that some girls would use the shaming tactics manipulatively ("Men only think about one thing"). Whenever these evil words are uttered, I answer with "That's right:)!" (and a slap on the azz as appropriate).

 

As for the confidence, my general expression of confidence is basically that no woman is worth any pursuit beyond good manners. As a result, I haven't been with very many women, but - you guessed it - I don't care.

[sally4sara]

hahaha! Finally some honesty!

 

One of the most important growth milestones as a man was letting go of the shame.

"I want to f*ck you, deal with it":), summarizes it pretty well.

 

I've also noticed that some girls would use the shaming tactics manipulatively ("Men only think about one thing"). Whenever these evil words are uttered, I answer with "That's right:)!" (and a slap on the azz as appropriate).

 

As for the confidence, my general expression of confidence is basically that no woman is worth any pursuit beyond good manners. As a result, I haven't been with very many women, but - you guessed it - I don't care.

 

Yeah, part of it is accepting themselves and their urges. A guy who turns cranky and insulting when his tiny effort isn't rewarded with pompom cheers is too fragile to enjoy spending time with. Their happiness becomes your burden. Oh gosh! will he go cut himself over it if I don't go out with him?

Pffftttt, I got no time no time for you!

 

But the guy who has accepted himself and comes off more confident for it. He isn't a jerk because of it. He has just made that step away from boyhood to being a man. Not being a man myself, I don't know if a man has to have sexual experience to achieve this or not. I would think just accepting that you want to get some experience, is a responsibility in of itself and taking responsibility is an act of maturity - becoming that man and no longer a boy. The boy would ask mummy for formal permission with a sweet smile and please. A man says "I like cookies." This isn't about being a jerk and it isn't about coercing; a woman can agree or not agree and oh well - there will be more baked goods.

Think Han Solo. He was roguish but he helped save the day and was a good guy too.