how to lighten up ... sounds silly but all comments/tips welcome!

[yes]

i feel so heavy, as a conversationalist. it's like i have an air of seriousness that follows me everywhere i go. you know how some ppl walk into the room and their presence is just so positive and energetic? i'm kind of the opposite - i emit seriousness and tension ... even if i go out to a pub, people will ask me about serious things while with the others they just joke around (and if they joke with me, it's more like the way one jokes with a kid). yeah - it's as if i'm incapable of goofing around - it's true, i RARELY do, and i guess it's because ... i don't know how to - now, i know that goofing off can't be taught but do you have any tips at all on this? i've been trying to relax more in social situations, which has been getting better, but it's separate from lightening up, i think.

 

it bothers me because i'll go to a club & everybody's pumped up and smily, dancing/drinking away, having a good time. and then there's me w/ a serious face that makes ppl come up as ask 'how's school?' - err. i feel like although i am pleasant, i'm not FUN. grr.

 

you may say - why change yourself? well - b/c i want to! j/k - b/c i think the lighter side is within me, it just doesn't get much air.

 

perhaps today it's especially so b/c i'm tired, so good night, fellow LSers =)

-yes

[dyermaker]

Maybe find people who are the "academic" crowd, but sorta out of your league? That way, you'd be the lightest one there, and no pressure.

[brashgal]

Do you usually wait until others initiate conversation? You could try speaking first, about a light-hearted topic or try teasing someone about something. Sometimes from a serious person this can be very funny since people don't expect it from you. Tell a joke - just set the tone before someone else does.

 

Maybe it's the holidays too - everyone is supposed to "be of good cheer", talk about pressure!!

[bark]

There's much you can do, yes, especially in a bar. You can engage in drinking games, play "who's hot, who's not" with the patrons or just discuss some of the more inane, stupid and bizarre posts and posters you've encountered on these boards. You have a wealth of material here to leaven with your wit and levity.

 

With the right tools you can harvest the human folly that grows in abundance on these boards.

 

Now, go out there and have fun at our expense!

[Samson]

I hear ya

 

You have just described me about 90% of the time. And i can have very nice, intense bursts of wittyness. I seem to be able to sustain light frivoulous conversation for about one hour before I simply implode.

 

i've seen advertisements for phamaceutical treatments that claim to resolve our problem, (sort of a sad cartoon of a egg-person that cannot "click" with other egg-people, until taking the special pill) but have never investigated them. perhaps a reader of this thread could shead light.

[bark]

i've seen advertisements for phamaceutical treatments that claim to resolve our problem

 

 

 

Now only if there was a Viagra to make one light, witty and frothy...

 

Probably wouldn't sell.

[Samson]

That's what I'm saying: There IS a "viagra." I'll need to do some research unless someone posts before I return, but NOT kidding, there is a drug that's made to counter asocial behavior.

[bark]

You may be thinking of Paxil, which treats, among other things, social anxiety disorder:

 

http://www.paxil.com/about/ab_trt.html

[mjk]

You know just basic facial expressions can sometimes make a big difference in what other people perceive you as.

 

Don't know what to do about that though...bring a mirror to the bar and flash it in front of your face to see if you are frowning??

 

Then people would really think something's up!!! lol!

[Samson]

Thanks for the ref. Bark. Paxil was exactly what I was thinking of.

 

My social anxiety disorder made me to shy to say the pharma's name

[really bored]

the pill is zoloft, if you are academic and know a lot of useless trivial knowledge like i you may wan to avoid this, my roomates pretty much tell me to leave the room when i am on it, but tell me im too depressed without it, go figure, so take at your own risk-and with a prescription

[jenny]

i err on the side of density often, as well. here is what i've learned from my lighter friends:

 

*be able to make fun of yourself. have anecdotes about some mortifying thing - it puts others at ease.

*conversations at parties are usually about 16 sentences, exchanged. be able to leave a conversation easily by spotting someone else or remembering something.

* tell stories about abstract stuff rather than yourself - i.e. political anecdotes, a book you are reading, etc

*touch more, talk less

[HokeyReligions]

there's me w/ a serious face

 

SMILE! Practice in front of a mirror if you have to.

 

Make fun of yourself to put others at ease around you. I've always been the "serious" one in a group too. I never smiled because of the color of my teeth -- I've always been selfconscious about them. They are clean and I've tried having them whitened, etc. but they came in a very dark grey color. The doc's told me that it was probably due to some of the meds I was on when I was a baby (I battled a long illness from the time I was born until I was about 14) and those meds affected the color of my teeth and finger/toe nails. Anyway, I seldom smiled and almost never laughed in public and when I did, I covered my mouth. That was a mistake because I gained a reputation as the serious one and I didn't begin to really develop my social sense of humor until I was engaged!

 

So, smile more - make yourself laugh even if its not a real laugh at first -- when you are more comfortable with smiling and laughing in social situations, you will find more to smile and laugh about and you will become more relaxed.

 

Like the others have said - use some of the anecdotes and stories you've read here, use your own experiences, laugh at yourself - relate an embarassing moment and laugh about it. If someone starts talking about Kierkegaard and philosophy say "kierkegaard? Could you spell that for me?" or some other silly remark to lighten the conversation.

[ziggue]

Is your name Mel? Lol. There's 2 people here so you get 2 peoples advice.

 

Our friend Mel is exactly like you. She ended up ditching all her friends just because she said we're in a different class than her. She says one thing we did was try and change her. She does it to us by giving us and our partners lectures on our lives.

 

NOW I'M GETTING THERE.

 

I asked what excactly did i try to change about her and she said i was telling her to lighten up. But she agreed!

 

Anyway she lost her friends and now she's just got her partner (who's wrapped around her little finger) and her 2 year old. she ditched us before and came back because she was lonely. And I hear from our friend (the only one that's talking to her) that she is complaining about being lonely again. Sucked in. (Remembering, she ditched us!)

 

Our advice for lightening up is. (Don't hold this aganist us) Just don't take things so personally about what others say to you. Joke about things that are around you and what's going on in your life, things you saw on TV, heard on the radio, e.t.c.

 

One thing I told her was to smile more often and laugh. I would joke around with her and she wouldn't laugh or show any personality. It made you think did I say something wrong?

 

Do more things with friends so you have more to talk about. If you have lots to talk about you seem more upbeat to other people.

 

Try to be a bit more outgoing and don't come across as a snob (even though you are probably not one).

[yes]

thanks for all the tips, guys and girls!! sure helps!

 

i was out tonight and really had fun - i was smily, friendly, got tons of attention, and was generally happy and comfortable =)

 

i'm generally becoming 'lighter' these days (thank god!) b/c i'm more sure of who i am by now - i had a late teen-style period marked off by depressivity, etc - but now i'm getting out of it, i think

 

g'night,

-yes