Lizzie60 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 I don't know about you Marek.. but I honestly think my son has Asperger's Syndrome.. have you checked that out?
Author Marek Posted December 27, 2009 Author Posted December 27, 2009 I don't know about you Marek.. but I honestly think my son has Asperger's Syndrome.. have you checked that out? Yes, although not formally (I "googled" Asperger's). When people struggle with something for so long, whatever it may be, they begin to think there is something wrong with them. My social deficits led me to believe I had some neurological impairment which was making it nigh on impossibe to adequately socialise. And sure, I read the "check list" for Asperger's and I fit some of the criteria... but I think many shy, reticent individuals would, too. I eventually came to the conclusion that it's dangerous to label myself with such a disorder, for it would prevent me actively trying to better my situation, as I would believe I can't get better because of my "affliction". And to Southern Belle and TaraMaiden, I will try to go into Toastmasters thinking positively, and without this skepticism.
Alma Mobley Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Sounds like Social Anxiety Disorder. They do have medications (NOT Thorazine -- don't see that doctor again) that can help, but you should also do cognitive-behavioral therapy to help deal with and overcome the anxiety, with or without the medication. Look for CBT therapists in your area. It has a pretty good track record for this kind of disorder. I wish you luck.
Vasto_Lorde Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 I have a few problems when it comes to social interaction (both with men and women, but it's worse with women) which has caused me to live a pretty isolated life. I'm 25 and in total I've slept with six women, two of whom I've slept with as boyfriend-girlfriend (the rest were one-night stands). Those two relationships were both short-term, two and three months each. Both relationships ended with the girl saying, "We're just two different people." I think the problem is that I lack confidence and charisma; people have called me "morose", "dull" and "boring" in the past. Moreover, I lack confidence when in group situations; I won't say much for fear of coming off as "weird" or "stupid". This seems to have given people a green light to treat me like sh*t they scrapped off their shoes. But the thing that really gets to me is that this lack of confidence is exacerbated by responses I get from women. If you lack confidence, like I do, women can become very curt with you; they will snap at you, and treat you with condescension. As if being less than articulate and lacking confidence gives them the right to treat me as sub-human. (Not surprisingly, I haven't been laid in FAR too long, or even had a friendship with a member of the opposite sex.) In essence, what I'm asking is this: How am I supposed to be this suave, confident, socially able guy when I'm just viewed by the MAJORITY of the population (women in particular!) as a loser and thus treated accordingly? To be fair mate, it reads like you don't value yourself much. If you don't place value in your own life, how could you expect others to place value in you?
boogieboy Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 To be fair mate, it reads like you don't value yourself much. If you don't place value in your own life, how could you expect others to place value in you? He is very stuck on the egg before the chicken theory.
Vasto_Lorde Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 He is very stuck on the egg before the chicken theory. I see that clearly in his post. That's not a nice way to go through life at all.
Author Marek Posted December 27, 2009 Author Posted December 27, 2009 He is very stuck on the egg before the chicken theory. And by that you mean...
Southern Belle Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 And to Southern Belle and TaraMaiden, I will try to go into Toastmasters thinking positively, and without this skepticism. Good to hear. Believe in yourself, and let us know how it goes!! You can do this!!
Rainman760 Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Marek, First of all, you have to realize that there is nothing intrinsically wrong with you as a person; you've listed several great traits that you like about yourself and rightfully so. You happen to have very poor social skills and your confidence takes a huge blow because of that. That lack of confidence makes you tend to overcompensate awkwardly in social settings and the cycle keeps going 'round and 'round. Here's the good news: confidence and social skills can be learned just like any skill. And since they go hand in hand, if you improve one, the other will rise as well. The bad news: It's going to take real effort on your part and there will be setbacks that will test your mettle, but you will prevail if you work at it. Since social skills are easier to work on so I would concentrate on those at the outset. In fact, this is how people improve their confidence, they work on parts of themselves that they feel need work and improvement. Since you seem to be here to solicit help with this problem please allow me to pass on some advice for some specific things you can do. 1. Stop blaming other people. Regardless of how you feel you are perceived, if you let these feelings fester you will run the risk of becoming embittered and resentful of society which wont help your situation. (trust me on this) Work on what you can do instead and the rest will follow. 2. Start small and don't put so much pressure on yourself until you get a handle on things and gain some perspective. In other words: walk before you run! 3. Read the following books: (in this order) a. How To Win Friends & Influence People - Dale Carnegie This book is well known and read but for good reason, it's covers the basics and is a good place to start. b. The Happiness Trap - Russ Harris Great book about overcoming fears (including social) and reducing stress in all kinds of situations. c. The Game - Neill Strauss Another famous book but a great story about one mans change from an awkward, socially-inept self described loser into a strong confident person. (He becomes a Pick Up Artist which isn't necessarily the point but the steps he takes are) 4. Try to resist the urge in making excuses for why certain strategies haven't worked. You have to keep crackin' this nut even in the face of obstacles and setbacks. 5. Be kind to yourself and trust that you have the inner strength to improve and overcome this part of your life. Again, remember this above all else; your confidence and self worth are not bestowed on you from someone else. It comes from inside you; always has, always will. Sometimes in your life you'll find that it comes easy, sometimes you have to dig for it... Take care and good luck!
Rainman760 Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 (edited) test....... Edited December 29, 2009 by Rainman760
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