Ex Lover Factor

[Melocoton]

I'm 33, partner is 32.

 

Met about 9 months ago. First 3 months we're getting to know eachother(with no sexuall contact). Of which during that same time she had recently met and was having sex with someone else but building an emotional relationship with me. 3 months into it she decides to end things with the lover and begin dating me exclusively.

 

She continues a friendship with the lover for a few months, a lunch or coffee here and there until I explain to her, she may do as she wants but I feel it is inappropriate and makes me uncomfortable.

 

She discontinues seeing him after polling her friends what to do. Reluctantly agrees after speaking with male friends that it is not the best of ideas to be socializing with your ex lover while in a relationship.

 

A couple months pass like this until recently she ASKS me she can see him and if I can handle it.

 

I was honest with her and let her know she is a grown woman and can do as she pleases but also that my feelings have not changed.

 

Now she feels as though she can't but wants to.

 

I feel as though I'm in a lose lose situation. Tell her no and she will lie to me or resent me. Tell her yes and I am l lying to her and cheating myself.

 

I think my only option is to just end it with her if her friendship with her most recent ex lover is more important than the health of our relationship.

 

Any help would be nice

[TaraMaiden]

I think you're manifesting your own insecurities.

if she's still asking to see him, then she can't love you as much, can she?

well, I think, in order to strengthen your own security and be the bigger man, you're going to have to compromise.

Tell her why you feel uncomfortable. What's the real fundamental reason for your discomfort?

And ask her, that if you do give her the go-ahead, she repay your trust and respect by admitting to you if she still has any feelings for the guy, and why does she want to see him so badly?

How about (suggest this) you go along and meet him too?

That way, you can reassure yourself about your position in her life, and understand a little better why she feels she wants to see him.

because if he has an emotional hold on her - then that's a part of her you don't have, can never have, and it may be bigger than you fear.

 

Communication and honesty are the keys, here.......

[in_circles]

My ex-girlfriend and I are best friends. We still have a lot of love for each other, but have absolutely no desire to look backwards. In fact, we talk openly about people we're dating.

 

The girl I'm dating and I haven't talked about this, but I'm pretty sure she knows , and I'm also fairly sure she's close friends with at least one of her ex-boyfriends. That doesn't bother me. She likes me, she likes me. The more love in the world, the better.

 

HOWEVER, this situation seems different, in that there's less history between the girl you're seeing and her friend, and what history there is seems more sexual in nature. I don't know. I can see how that could make you uncomfortable.

[You'reasian]

I'm 33, partner is 32.

 

Met about 9 months ago. First 3 months we're getting to know eachother(with no sexuall contact). Of which during that same time she had recently met and was having sex with someone else but building an emotional relationship with me. 3 months into it she decides to end things with the lover and begin dating me exclusively.

 

She continues a friendship with the lover for a few months, a lunch or coffee here and there until I explain to her, she may do as she wants but I feel it is inappropriate and makes me uncomfortable.

 

She discontinues seeing him after polling her friends what to do. Reluctantly agrees after speaking with male friends that it is not the best of ideas to be socializing with your ex lover while in a relationship.

 

A couple months pass like this until recently she ASKS me she can see him and if I can handle it.

 

I was honest with her and let her know she is a grown woman and can do as she pleases but also that my feelings have not changed.

 

Now she feels as though she can't but wants to.

 

I feel as though I'm in a lose lose situation. Tell her no and she will lie to me or resent me. Tell her yes and I am l lying to her and cheating myself.

 

I think my only option is to just end it with her if her friendship with her most recent ex lover is more important than the health of our relationship.

 

Any help would be nice

 

This is a conversation that needs to take place between the two of you. Polling gives you perspective and support, but the rest is up to the two of you.

[Melocoton]

Thank you, I will and do plan on speaking to her about this. Just wanted some time and insight before doing so.