Who else finds nice guys hot?

[You'reasian]

I'm confused by all these threads about how nice men are repulsive to women. Sure, I've been attracted to a bad boy here and there, but for the most part kindness in a man is a huge, huge turn on for me.

 

I can't be the only woman who feels this way.

 

Let me define nice. I mean a guy who is of solid character, ethical, considerate, helpful and sweet with people he cares about. But he should also be confident and strong.

 

Don't men realize that most women find these traits to be very attractive?

 

I have a theory for the origin of the women hate nice men myth:

 

Most bitter, self-designated nice guys aren't genuinely good people. They just act "nice" on the surface because they want something in return, or because they're too passive to be assertive.

 

Women are great at reading character (better than men), so they pick up on the deceit if it's there. Or they're turned off by the guy's lack of confidence/strength.

 

There are a lot of people who are nice simply because they lack confidence, which means they aren't necessarily good deep down. If somebody is both strong and nice, their kindness seems more sincere because they have the power to be jerks but choose not to be.

 

Goodness is rare and it's something that can't be faked. It's the kind of thing you just know when you encounter it.

 

Men can have a lack of confidence in a woman but be otherwise confident individuals, but that's a topic for a different thread.

 

People often do not know what they like or are used to certain kinds of treatment and therefore are not attracted to or appreciate genuine niceness.

 

It takes a genuinely nice, trustworthy woman to know she's got a genuinely nice, trustworthy man.

Edited December 26, 2009 by You'reasian

[betamanlet]

Men can have a lack of confidence in a woman but be otherwise confident individuals, but that's a topic for a different thread.

 

People often do not know what they like or are used to certain kinds of treatment and therefore are not attracted to or appreciate genuine niceness.

 

It takes a genuinely nice, trustworthy woman to know she's got a genuinely nice, trustworthy man.

Too many women have low self esteem which makes them crave drama, which nice guys cannot provide.

[threebyfate]

Too many women have low self esteem which makes them crave drama, which nice guys cannot provide.

99% of the time, your posts make no sense. How does low self-esteem equal craving drama, which equals what nice guys can't provide?

 

"The sky is blue, therefore, it must be cloudy, therefore it must be hot out."

[tkgirl]

I'm confused by all these threads about how nice men are repulsive to women. Sure, I've been attracted to a bad boy here and there, but for the most part kindness in a man is a huge, huge turn on for me.

 

I can't be the only woman who feels this way.

 

Let me define nice. I mean a guy who is of solid character, ethical, considerate, helpful and sweet with people he cares about. But he should also be confident and strong.

 

Don't men realize that most women find these traits to be very attractive?

 

I have a theory for the origin of the women hate nice men myth:

 

Most bitter, self-designated nice guys aren't genuinely good people. They just act "nice" on the surface because they want something in return, or because they're too passive to be assertive.

 

Women are great at reading character (better than men), so they pick up on the deceit if it's there. Or they're turned off by the guy's lack of confidence/strength.

 

There are a lot of people who are nice simply because they lack confidence, which means they aren't necessarily good deep down. If somebody is both strong and nice, their kindness seems more sincere because they have the power to be jerks but choose not to be.

 

Goodness is rare and it's something that can't be faked. It's the kind of thing you just know when you encounter it.

 

thank you shadowplay.. and I agree 110%!

 

there is NOTHING wrong with being a genuinely nice guy.. in fact, it's when a guy lets his guard down a bit and shows me that sweeter side that I'm like "uh oh!"... but in a good way!

 

I WANT a nice guy! a real, strong and confident nice guy!

[You'reasian]

thank you shadowplay.. and I agree 110%!

 

there is NOTHING wrong with being a genuinely nice guy.. in fact, it's when a guy lets his guard down a bit and shows me that sweeter side that I'm like "uh oh!"... but in a good way!

 

I WANT a nice guy! a real, strong and confident nice guy!

 

You have to be what you want

[tkgirl]

i'm tellin ya, women DO NOT like "nice guys" (beta males) if you are not assertive and tough, women will ignore you period.

 

please don't start with the "beta" male crap... it is so not what we are even talking about... a REAL nice guy is someone who is GOOD... strong and confident... who is HAPPY and genuiniely cares about other people etc etc.

 

ugh.. I'm so tired of the beta, mini-man, doormat, wussy mentality that some of you guys equate with being "nice"... the same type of guys that think someone like that lame-ass Mystery dude is going to teach you how to get chicks... whatever, you go with your "bad" selves....

[You'reasian]

please don't start with the "beta" male crap... it is so not what we are even talking about... a REAL nice guy is someone who is GOOD... strong and confident... who is HAPPY and genuiniely cares about other people etc etc.

 

ugh.. I'm so tired of the beta, mini-man, doormat, wussy mentality that some of you guys equate with being "nice"... the same type of guys that think someone like that lame-ass Mystery dude is going to teach you how to get chicks... whatever, you go with your "bad" selves....

 

Beta-manlet is a downer, allbeit points out interesting observations.

[tkgirl]

You have to be what you want

 

you are right... and I'm working on it

 

Beta-manlet is a downer' date=' allbeit points out interesting observations.[/quote']

 

nope, he's just a downer... which is why I refuse to even look at his posts anymore....

[threebyfate]

Beta-manlet is a downer' date=' allbeit points out interesting observations.[/quote']What he does is to ascribe the worst possible behaviours in some individuals and calls it "women". I could rip "men" apart in the exact same way but why would I do so, since I know for fact that people are composites of good and bad traits?

 

No doubt there are women who lack self-esteem. There are also men who lack self-esteem, case in point with a glaring example, betamanlet himself, with the lowest self-esteem I've ever seen in anyone on LS, bar none. Does this mean that due to his self-esteem problem, he craves drama which nice women can't provide? Whoah, maybe so!

[SoulSearch_CO]

he is indeed a lucky man

Thanks, skydiveaddict!

[You'reasian]

What he does is to ascribe the worst possible behaviours in some individuals and calls it "women". I could rip "men" apart in the exact same way but why would I do so, since I know for fact that people are composites of good and bad traits?

 

No doubt there are women who lack self-esteem. There are also men who lack self-esteem, case in point with a glaring example, betamanlet himself, with the lowest self-esteem I've ever seen in anyone on LS, bar none. Does this mean that due to his self-esteem problem, he craves drama which nice women can't provide? Whoah, maybe so!

 

Negativity begets negativity and it creates a snowball effect.

 

I don't feel the need to rip on women - even when they do silly things to themselves or to me - maybe its the goals I have and willingness to take risks to achieve them

[EricaH329]

Looks also play a part . I think women generally think...hot guys are hot. Regardless if they are good or bad. It's that simple, although if there are two "hot guys" and one is more edgy, witty, and maybe violent, they will go for him. It's that simple.

 

Ah, but it's not that simple.

 

If there are identical twins standing in front of me (attractive twins), one is a jerk and the other is a nice guy, i'm going to find the nice guy much more attractive.

 

It goes the same way with nice guys. If you are a nice guy, and you see a very attractive girl, but she is a b*tch, you aren't going to think twice. She will automatically become less attractive in your eyes.

 

This is a topic, that I believe, will be an on-going battle between the sexes.

[sally4sara]

I'm just confused this assumption that a guy can't be confident, assertive, have a roguish charm and also be a nice guy.

What kind of nice person assumes any guy doing better than you has to be a jerk?

[You'reasian]

I'm just confused this assumption that a guy can't be confident, assertive, have a roguish charm and also be a nice guy.

What kind of nice person assumes any guy doing better than you has to be a jerk?

 

Some women need a little jab to get them going and some guys who are players or jerks are quite good at that. Some guys aren't players/jerks and are good at it too - but its hard for women to distinguish them.

 

Everyone isn't on the same page at the same time.

 

Some women (and guys too) are signed up on many web dating sites too maximize their chances and minmize their work. Brilliant strategy. The only negative is the cold, hard fact the real-world relationships take constant work (especially once you've taken off rose colored glasses).

 

Online dating is as deep as a puddle. Kind of reflects the person's relationship capacity at the time...

[Kamille]

Another vote for nice guys, of course.

 

Wanted to add, the biggest turn off is a self-titled 'nice guy' who has issues with entitlement.

 

Genuine nice guys don't feel that they 'deserve' a woman because they did xy and z for her. In my experience, nice guys are actually interested in getting to know a woman.

 

Entitled self-titled nice guy tend to 'group' all women in one category and spend too much time trying to impress her to actually get to know her.

 

Or in the worse cases, self-titled nice guys' sense of entitlement comes from the belief that, were we back in the pre-1950s, they would somehow be a catch. You know, the magical romantic pre-1950s, in the era when arranged marriages were the norm all across North America and when both partners of average american household had to work their asses off just to avoid starvation. Yay hurray! Let's go back to that!

 

It's the entitlement that bothers me, because it's the sense of entitlement that has these men criticizing women wholesale and victimizing themselves instead of working on themselves. Nope, in their opinion, were the world right, every women they met would fawn over them and be at their service.

[You'reasian]

It's the entitlement that bothers me, because it's the sense of entitlement that has these men criticizing women wholesale and victimizing themselves instead of working on themselves. Nope, in their opinion, were the world right, every women they met would fawn over them and be at their service.

 

Call me lame and old fashioned, but is it wrong to want one woman who just wants me?

 

Frankly, dating a different girl every day of the week is too much work for someone whose sole purpose ISNT to score endlessly and its not something that everyone wants/needs out of relationships.

Edited December 26, 2009 by You'reasian

[betamanlet]

99% of the time, your posts make no sense. How does low self-esteem equal craving drama, which equals what nice guys can't provide?

 

"The sky is blue, therefore, it must be cloudy, therefore it must be hot out."

 

 

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/drama-seekers-its-time-to-get-off-the-relationship-crack/

 

I'm just the messenger. That's lots written on this. Women with low self esteem seek out drama, attached men, etc... It's entertaining for them, and it's the common denominator in their relationships, so they think it is "love".

[betamanlet]

Stop the drama, get bored, and find happiness.

 

 

http://goodlifezen.com/2009/11/13/stop-being-a-drama-queen-get-bored-and-become-happy-instead/

[betamanlet]

http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahradio/sboteach/20080827_oaf_sboteach

 

I listened to this show live, and his female cohosts were just gushing about how much they LOVE badboys.... They basically were saying they would refuse to follow his advice, because they need the drama bad boys provide..

[threebyfate]

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/drama-seekers-its-time-to-get-off-the-relationship-crack/

 

I'm just the messenger. That's lots written on this. Women with low self esteem seek out drama, attached men, etc... It's entertaining for them, and it's the common denominator in their relationships, so they think it is "love".

I'm not clicking on that link, since I have no idea about the site.

 

As far as being a messenger, you're delivering the message about trailertrash women, not normal women.

 

It's like me delivering the message about how disgusting trailertrash men are but couching it in terms of all men or a large portion of men. Abracadabra, betamanlet, you're now officially one of the trailertrash men because I said so...

[Kamille]

Call me lame and old fashioned, but is it wrong to want one woman who just wants me?

 

Frankly, dating a different girl every day of the week is too much work for someone whose sole purpose ISNT to score endlessly and its not something that everyone wants/needs out of relationships.

 

That isn't what I'm saying at all and you certainly never struck me as entitled you'reasian.

 

I want one man to just want me and I offer the same return. I don't see how I ever implied otherwise in my post.

 

It's more guys who go on and on about the 'problem' with 'women' and who have, at times, actually lamented the social transformations that have been on-going since the 1950s (they often simply reduce it to 'feminism' because it serves their argument that obviously the problem is women).

 

Really? They would like to have their great-grand-father and grandfather's lives? I know I wouldn't. My grandparents worked the land and would still starve at times. For one set of grand-parents, the relationship was actually amorous and based on respect and their children have successful relationships (for the most part). The other wasn't so lucky (they remained married until my grand-father died though). I've seen the effects of each type of marriage on my aunts and uncles and I definitely want a marriage based on mutal respect, in other words, I want to love one man and one man only.

[torranceshipman]

Great post shadowplay! I think nice guys are great, and you pretty much described my boyfriend with your description of what you feel a nice guy is (which is why I fell for him and why I think he's such a sexy guy). The guys who are so obsessed with this 'no girl likes a nice guy' are so off the mark-you're so right...great post!

[You'reasian]

It's more guys who go on and on about the 'problem' with 'women' and who have, at times, actually lamented the social transformations that have been on-going since the 1950s (they often simply reduce it to 'feminism' because it serves their argument that obviously the problem is women). .

 

I see what you mean.

 

Really? They would like to have their great-grand-father and grandfather's lives? I know I wouldn't. My grandparents worked the land and would still starve at times. For one set of grand-parents, the relationship was actually amorous and based on respect and their children have successful relationships (for the most part). The other wasn't so lucky (they remained married until my grand-father died though). I've seen the effects of each type of marriage on my aunts and uncles and I definitely want a marriage based on mutal respect, in other words, I want to love one man and one man only.

 

Don't mean to TJ, but....

 

Here's the $64,000 question:

 

How do you maintain a happy/satisfying/faithful relationship over time?

 

When the rubber hits the road, you will go through challenges with your partner. You will argue. You will hurt each other. You might even agree to time apart, and they may want to sleep with someone else...

 

Granted this isn't all the time, but it can and does happen?

Edited December 26, 2009 by You'reasian

[cognac]

That isn't what I'm saying at all and you certainly never struck me as entitled you'reasian.

 

I want one man to just want me and I offer the same return. I don't see how I ever implied otherwise in my post.

 

It's more guys who go on and on about the 'problem' with 'women' and who have, at times, actually lamented the social transformations that have been on-going since the 1950s (they often simply reduce it to 'feminism' because it serves their argument that obviously the problem is women).

 

Really? They would like to have their great-grand-father and grandfather's lives? I know I wouldn't. My grandparents worked the land and would still starve at times. For one set of grand-parents, the relationship was actually amorous and based on respect and their children have successful relationships (for the most part). The other wasn't so lucky (they remained married until my grand-father died though). I've seen the effects of each type of marriage on my aunts and uncles and I definitely want a marriage based on mutal respect, in other words, I want to love one man and one man only.

 

It's not about whether the world is more easy or not, that's not really my concern since the human body is capable of becoming used to a variety of extremities and tasks. What I lament is the lack of justice, one thing I cannot get used to is living in a world that is so unfair compared to yesterday. A long time ago, if you did the right thing, more times than not, you'd be rewarded by it. The world just made sense.

[Payden]

With the description in the O.P I believe all woman want that. What I don't think they want is a "make me puke yo uare so nice type" meaning a guy that will literally go out of his way to clean his GF's shoes or volunteer to do stuff he doesn't want...trying hard to "impress" the girl. IMO it should come naturally(niceness) not overly reassuring ones self that he is a nice guy by tryind to impress the girl, calling her his queen, one and only or trying to carry ALL the grocery bags at once lol. That kind of niceness makes me.....hurl a little bit.