shadowplay Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 I'm confused by all these threads about how nice men are repulsive to women. Sure, I've been attracted to a bad boy here and there, but for the most part kindness in a man is a huge, huge turn on for me. I can't be the only woman who feels this way. Let me define nice. I mean a guy who is of solid character, ethical, considerate, helpful and sweet with people he cares about. But he should also be confident and strong. Don't men realize that most women find these traits to be very attractive? I have a theory for the origin of the women hate nice men myth: Most bitter, self-designated nice guys aren't genuinely good people. They just act "nice" on the surface because they want something in return, or because they're too passive to be assertive. Women are great at reading character (better than men), so they pick up on the deceit if it's there. Or they're turned off by the guy's lack of confidence/strength. There are a lot of people who are nice simply because they lack confidence, which means they aren't necessarily good deep down. If somebody is both strong and nice, their kindness seems more sincere because they have the power to be jerks but choose not to be. Goodness is rare and it's something that can't be faked. It's the kind of thing you just know when you encounter it.
EricaH329 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 I'm completely with you on this one! If they lack confidence, the 'nice' aspect seems as though they are just trying to get people to like them. I love a kind, confident man. Can't get enough of them!
Author shadowplay Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 I'm completely with you on this one! If they lack confidence, the 'nice' aspect seems as though they are just trying to get people to like them. I love a kind, confident man. Can't get enough of them! Me too! I just want to add to my original post that the ideal man for me is one who is kind but has his definite boundaries. When they're crossed, he very firmly makes it known. Integrity is an important component of this personality type.
Pizzaman81 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Ya this nice thing has been talked about so much lately! Being a kind person, with good core values, family values and strong confidence = win. I go by the fact that my excessive ego is in the things I do, I do them right, vs in my personality.
Woggle Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 There are a number of women who are addicted to the drama that a jerk brings but why do men want these women in the first place. I just do not understand why certain posters are mad that they can't get a woman who has a crush on the Son of Sam. Who wants a woman like that anyway?
Author shadowplay Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 There are a number of women who are addicted to the drama that a jerk brings but why do men want these women in the first place. I just do not understand why certain posters are mad that they can't get a woman who has a crush on the Son of Sam. Who wants a woman like that anyway? The type of women who are always attracted to jerks are for the most part either dumb, crazy or both. Most intelligent, sane, kind women like the nice + confident guys.
littlebittle Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 My college roommate has borderline personality disorder, and all of her relationships are FULL of drama! She usually dates incompatible jerks, it's sad. But I have a lot of female friends, and almost all of them date nice guys. And yeah, "nice" as in, genuinely kind and compassionate people. Looking at this forum, everyone seems to obsess over this "nice" business. In my life, that's sort of irrelevant. Most of my close friends (men and women) are decent people. I'm happy to avoid the jerks and the drama! I believe pretty strongly that if you treat people with real kindness and compassion, you'll end up surrounded with the same. I think it's really important to be self-aware and willing to reevaluate yourself. If you find that you're not being treated well by others, you really need to make an effort to look at your own attitudes and behaviors critically. I've done this since I was a teenager, and it's really helped me to grow as a person.
skydiveaddict Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Who else finds nice guys hot? thruth is NO girl finds "nice guys" hot!
Pyro Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Who else finds nice guys hot? thruth is NO girl finds "nice guys" hot! Did you read the first post and see what her definition of "nice guys" are? That is incorrect to say that NO girls find them hot.
Storyrider Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 sigs? Your signature. Fun memories from back in the day.
Pyro Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 (edited) Your signature. Fun memories from back in the day. Of course. I miss hearing from him. He brought the comic relief that was needed here. Edited December 26, 2009 by Pyro
Storyrider Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 :) As for the nice guy thing, I think if you're playing word association and the first word that comes to mind about a guy is he's "nice" it probably means he's boring and that is the real problem.
cognac Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 When women say they like "nice guys with confidence", they're talking about james bond. It's not the fault of nice guys girls don't like them. Our society encourages men to be like ned flanders, and in essence these folks are good and certainly better than the type of man most women usually go for, but still a bore, a pushover, and a weenie. Looks also play a part . I think women generally think...hot guys are hot. Regardless if they are good or bad. It's that simple, although if there are two "hot guys" and one is more edgy, witty, and maybe violent, they will go for him. It's that simple.
JL911 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 theres a huge difference between a NICE guy and a guy whose willing to be compromised, walked all over, not have an opinion, and say yes when he really means no in a relationship simply to avoid any confrontation which they think will ruin a relationship... I think people have nice good hearted guys with good intentions confused with a doormat...
Pyro Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 theres a huge difference between a NICE guy and a guy whose willing to be compromised, walked all over, and say yes when he really means no in a relationship simply to avoid any confrontation which they think will ruin a relationship... I think people have nice good hearted guys with good intentions confused with a doormat... exactly. Fine line between the two. People need to realize that there are not only 2 type of guys (pushover and jerk) but there are the middleground well balanced guys, which are the type the OP of this thread is referring to.
Els Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Really, it all depends on the individual definition of 'nice'. Saying someone is 'nice' is pretty much like saying a woman is 'curvy' (which sparked every bit as many long and pointless threads as the 'nice' ones)
skydiveaddict Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 i'm tellin ya, women DO NOT like "nice guys" (beta males) if you are not assertive and tough, women will ignore you period.
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Who else finds nice guys hot? I do, I do! Dating one. Adore the hell out of him.
skydiveaddict Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 I do, I do! Dating one. Adore the hell out of him. he is indeed a lucky man
Robin2000 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 First husband "played" nice guy during the dating game..... In reality he was not. And has gotten much more "edgy, verbally abusive, arrogant and condescending" as he has aged. But even now he strives to be perceived as a nice guy unless you know him very personally. Current husband is the polar opposite in all ways.... is very kind, laid back, considerate, humble, thoughtful, romantic, carefully measures his words towards both myself and our children. Positively one of if not THE nicest guy I know and we have been happily married 15years now. After the bad boys of my teens and first marriage, I would not ever consider another bad boy again. EVER. Didn't date any bad boys between husbands either. They were no longer hot to me. Kindness and a great sense of humor that was not based on putting down other people drew me like a moth to the flame....
bayouboi Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 I consider myself to be a nice guy. I also realize that I can be a bit boring sometimes. At the end of the day, however, whether women like me or not based on the fact that I'm a nice guy doesn't change the fact that I'm going to continue to be a nice guy. People say things like "nice guys aren't really nice because they do things for you expecting something in return" and to a degree they are right. When I hold a door open for another human (man or woman) I do get something in return even if they don't say "thank you". I know that I helped out another person whether they wanted me to or not, and that makes me feel good. I'll tell someone at the gym (man or woman) that they're looking really good "these days" implying that their hard work is paying off because it's free to compliment them and it makes them feel good, in return that makes me feel good about making them feel good. So yeah, we do get something in return for being nice....it's not about getting to f**k women.
bac Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 I love nice guys. I do not give a **** for a jerk.
threebyfate Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Let me define nice. I mean a guy who is of solid character, ethical, considerate, helpful and sweet with people he cares about. But he should also be confident and strong. Don't men realize that most women find these traits to be very attractive?With your above definition, I love "nice guys" enough to have married one, recently.
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