Pizzaman81 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Maybe you're just picky. Do you drop people for legit reasons? Thinking back, I think I made a few mistakes. But I learned. Oh well can't get them back now.
muse08 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 MEN: Pay attention to this! This is what a woman likes. She wants to date a guy who is kind, but has the confidence to drop her without hesitation if she ever crosses the line. She can tell a guy is like this by how he relates to her and others. Does he let other people walk all over him, or does he set boundaries? The bolded area is where I felt sarcasm...but perhaps you didn't intend it as such. Just wanted to make it clear that I don't expect someone who's mean or ready to dump me at the drop of a hat. I'd like the guy to be balanced enough to know when to reason: know when to pull me aside and when to let it ride. Breaking up isn't always the answer and I don't plan on walking on egg shells with any guy either.
shadowplay Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 The bolded area is where I felt sarcasm...but perhaps you didn't intend it as such. Just wanted to make it clear that I don't expect someone who's mean or ready to dump me at the drop of a hat. I'd like the guy to be balanced enough to know when to reason: know when to pull me aside and when to let it ride. Breaking up isn't always the answer and I don't plan on walking on egg shells with any guy either. There was no sarcasm in that.
muse08 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Uh, no.... lol, ok. I was just checking your "niceguy" capacity;). You passed and put me in check! No, seriously...sorry about that
muse08 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 There was no sarcasm in that. You know what...I also thought you were a male (and trying to give me a hard time.)just b/c of the avatar. My fault for assuming.
betamanlet Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 http://blog.taragana.com/e/2009/11/13/i-used-to-like-abusive-men-halle-berry-60135/
MyNameIsJonas Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 (edited) That whole situation is a bit crazy to begin with. Going out and getting drunk to me is for losers. It only gives people an excuse to be an *ss. However, in your friend's case he was drunk as well , am I correct? So when you're doing what you know isn't right, how can you call someone else on it...or expect other people to think clearly. When you date someone who gets drunk from time to time, EXPECT PROBLEMS and impaired judgement. Y'all better chill out on the a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-alcohol. Well, while I'm not denying that at all, I used that situation as more of an example of when a guy drops everything and responds his girlfriend's demands, regardless of how unreasonable, or in this case, dangerous they are. Yes, my friend had been drinking, a lot in fact, and he ditched a whole group of us without saying a word, took a cab home, got in his his car, drove 20 minutes to where she was without knowing that her friends were there, still drove her friends 30 minutes out to their place, then drove another 30 minutes back to her place, then drove back to his own place alone, all in a state of mind that was way over the legal limit. As far as I'm concerned, she wasn't in a life threatening situation and she was more than capable of calling her own cab home. Aside from the booze factor, the bottom line was that she was crying for him and he responded. That's the "too nice" behavior. What do you mean by this? Some men, mainly reformed "nice/nonthreatening," tend to take teasing a woman too far and basically outright insult her. They don't understand that there is a balance, and part of this balance is acting "nice" in your actions by, as an example, showing up early or on time to a date, having the night planned, telling a woman she looks good (as i'm sure she spent a ton of time looking good for you), listening to what she has to say and responding, and so forth. These reformed "nice/nonthreatening" tend to gravitate to one extreme, since they used to be on the other end, and still screw up royally. This causes the eariler mentioned depression and ranting. Edited December 26, 2009 by MyNameIsJonas
MyNameIsJonas Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 http://blog.taragana.com/e/2009/11/13/i-used-to-like-abusive-men-halle-berry-60135/ I really think that if you are justifying you rationale behind why women like a certain type of guy based on the actions of a celebrity, you really need to take a step back and look at yourself. I would venture that most celebrities taking being superficial to a level that is beyond that of any normal person. Regardless, yes, there are some women who prefer abusive or DB-style guys. Is that their choice? Yes. Do I let affect my behavior? No, because I don't want those type of women. They have incredibly low self-esteem and while they may be nice on the eyes, they are probably horrible on the head. Good confident women who don't put on with crap like that are out there, you just have to find them. They will not come to you; they are way too busy and confident to go searching for a date.
b52s Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Well, while I'm not denying that at all, I used that situation as more of an example of when a guy drops everything and responds his girlfriend's demands, regardless of how unreasonable, or in this case, dangerous they are. Yes, my friend had been drinking, a lot in fact, and he ditched a whole group of us without saying a word, took a cab home, got in his his car, drove 20 minutes to where she was without knowing that her friends were there, still drove her friends 30 minutes out to their place, then drove another 30 minutes back to her place, then drove back to his own place alone, all in a state of mind that was way over the legal limit. As far as I'm concerned, she wasn't in a life threatening situation and she was more than capable of calling her own cab home. Aside from the booze factor, the bottom line was that she was crying for him and he responded. That's the "too nice" behavior. Some men, mainly reformed "nice/nonthreatening," tend to take teasing a woman too far and basically outright insult her. They don't understand that there is a balance, and part of this balance is acting "nice" in your actions by, as an example, showing up early or on time to a date, having the night planned, telling a woman she looks good (as i'm sure she spent a ton of time looking good for you), listening to what she has to say and responding, and so forth. These reformed "nice/nonthreatening" tend to gravitate to one extreme, since they used to be on the other end, and still screw up royally. This causes the eariler mentioned depression and ranting. You know, I could probably relate to this. People expect some guys to "balance" nice guy/bad boy attitude. But, typically when a NICE guy tries to act as such, he winds up really just insulting the girl. A "bad boy" will insult a girl, and still...somehow, manage to have her stick around. While the nice guy just unintentionally verbally goes for the jugular....and there's NO undoing that. A guy who is "good" at wooing woman will somehow make a back handed/ saracastic remark about how she looks in her jeans. While a guy will just answer, honestly, "It's not the jeans that make your butt look too big in your jeans, it's your FAT that makes butt look big in your jeans!" He answered honestly, but somehow wound up just insulting her altogether...thus ruining ANY future relations with her.
You'reasian Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 (edited) A guy who is "good" at wooing woman will somehow make a back handed/ saracastic remark about how she looks in her jeans. Yep. The guy that keeps her off balance with a slight jab will keep her interest going. The guy who gives her an honest or tactfull answer won't. Edited December 26, 2009 by You'reasian
MyNameIsJonas Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Yep. The guy that keeps her off balance with a slight jab will keep her interest going. The guy who gives her an honest or tactfull answer won't. Yeah but a smart/secure woman will see the difference between the above described "jab" and smile, and the outright straight-faced insult. I've seen both and the later normally ends up with a drink thrown in the face of the man.
You'reasian Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Yeah but a smart/secure woman will see the difference between the above described "jab" and smile, and the outright straight-faced insult. I've seen both and the later normally ends up with a drink thrown in the face of the man. I agree with this. They can feel the non-verbals . Like I said, the successful guy can get a rise out of the woman and get a smile.
MyNameIsJonas Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 While a guy will just answer, honestly, "It's not the jeans that make your butt look too big in your jeans, it's your FAT that makes butt look big in your jeans!" He answered honestly, but somehow wound up just insulting her altogether...thus ruining ANY future relations with her. Wow, really??? No offense, but if that is how you respond to a woman asking you how she looks in jeans, or any type of clothing, then you really need to work on your responses and quite possibly your outlook on life.
Crusoe Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 When the did the word nice(when describing a man) become such a pejorative term ? How did it come to equal:boring,predictable,uninteresting, manipulative,needy,doormat,etc.When did it become the romantic kiss of death when directed towards a man ? Is being labeled nice as pejorative for a woman as it seemingly is for a guy ? Personally,I don't think that it is. There are fewer and fewer guys that will now claim they are nice rather they are (and should) refer to themselves as decent..but that term will eventually change in its connotation. Once upon a time the man you are describing would have been known as a wet fart. How that evolved into the word nice, I do not know, as I have rarely experienced a nice, wet fart. I agree, if that is what the word nice now means, then men should start describing themselves as good or decent.
muse08 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Yeah but a smart/secure woman will see the difference between the above described "jab" and smile, and the outright straight-faced insult... Yes! I agree with this completely and these are the type of women you should deal with. Otherwise, she WILL never be satisfied with being treated WELL...and that's just insane IMO.
muse08 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Wow, really??? No offense, but if that is how you respond to a woman asking you how she looks in jeans, or any type of clothing, then you really need to work on your responses and quite possibly your outlook on life. Really...what was that guy thinking? Glad you addressed that head on MNIJ! See you're a nice assertive balance of a man...so it seems.
You'reasian Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Wow, really??? No offense, but if that is how you respond to a woman asking you how she looks in jeans, or any type of clothing, then you really need to work on your responses and quite possibly your outlook on life. Must we always keep women amused? I like flirting with my woman, but sometimes we just need to keep things simple.
harmfulsweetz Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 I like nice guys. However, there's a huge difference between a good guy and a nice doormat. There are men in this world who have a severe problem with saying no to people, the people-pleasers. I'd sooner have a guy who told me I looked good, held the door open for me (I love a gent!) but called me out on my bad behaviour, or any annoying habits, or who could handle me. I guess I have so many mood swings (or as my ex refers to it as 'personality switches') that I need a strong man to cope with that. I need a guy to say shut up when necessary, or to playfully insult me. I like it, it keeps it interesting. I wouldn't dump a guy for being nice, I would dump him if something happened as a consequence of said niceness. i.e. he couldn't say no to anyone, was a total doormat, bored me to death. But it wouldn't be because he was nice. It would be because I'm sick of him doing 'x'. Self-proclaimed nice guys are the worst. They are always, funnily enough, not that nice. They are the 'pseudo nice guy'-all the makings of a lovely guy, but deep, deep down, they're a jerk fighting to get out. The problem is nice guys have chips on their shoulders. It's always the same-'nice guys finish last', or why do the bad guys get the girl? Probably because they made the move, and all the right noises. I used to hear it all the time, I was going out with this guy, and this other friend of mine fancied me. He was sat, talking to a mutual friend, saying how he was so much better for me than my then bf, and that why do nice guys never get the girl? Because of that attitude! It's such a turn off! It's like self-pity are us, it's the men that make their nice guy attribute a bad quality because they use it as a reason for why they were dumped/rejected/not noticed. 1 1)women rarely dump a guy simply because he was nice 2) women rarely reject guys on that point alone, normally it's because there's no attraction 3) they are often unnoticed because they are too nice to make an actual play for the girl. It's quite simple really. It's like no man wants a woman who is entirely innocent in every sense of the word do they? Not really, if they are honest. They want a lady on the streets and a freak in the sheets, and the same goes for women. Women want a good, decent guy, who can set boundaries and play the bad guy when necessary, by bad guy, I mean, put his foot down...
Woggle Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 It's not my job as man to keep a woman in check. If she can't keep her own self in check she is not the woman for me. I have no daughter and I certainly don't need a grown woman trying to act like one. That being said I think that like attracts like and women who want jerks are often jerks themselves. The type of women you see chasing after the neighborhood bad boy are the ones a decent man does not want anyway. I know what they saw about good girls going for bad boys but there is a huge difference between a genuinely kindhearted woman who knows what love is a naive sheltered girl who is secretly longing to rebel against all of that.
MyNameIsJonas Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Glad you addressed that head on MNIJ! See you're a nice assertive balance of a man...so it seems. I'm really not like this in real life. I have an alter ego who's only purpose is to sign onto LS and keep people in check. In real life I'm actually a desolate shell of a man who watches everything from afar and wishes....one day....maybe.....me.....too.......
MyNameIsJonas Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Must we always keep women amused? I like flirting with my woman, but sometimes we just need to keep things simple. Eh, I think of it more or less throwing a curve ball every so often. I don't make it a point to poke fun at a woman at every possible opportunity but honestly, sometimes some of them make it so obvious that it would be an insult not to playfully call them out on it.
muse08 Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 I like nice guys. However, there's a huge difference between a good guy and a nice doormat. There are men in this world who have a severe problem with saying no to people, the people-pleasers. I'd sooner have a guy who told me I looked good, held the door open for me (I love a gent!) but called me out on my bad behaviour, or any annoying habits, or who could handle me. I guess I have so many mood swings (or as my ex refers to it as 'personality switches') that I need a strong man to cope with that. I need a guy to say shut up when necessary, or to playfully insult me. I like it, it keeps it interesting. I wouldn't dump a guy for being nice, I would dump him if something happened as a consequence of said niceness. i.e. he couldn't say no to anyone, was a total doormat, bored me to death. But it wouldn't be because he was nice. It would be because I'm sick of him doing 'x'. Self-proclaimed nice guys are the worst. They are always, funnily enough, not that nice. They are the 'pseudo nice guy'-all the makings of a lovely guy, but deep, deep down, they're a jerk fighting to get out. The problem is nice guys have chips on their shoulders. It's always the same-'nice guys finish last', or why do the bad guys get the girl? Probably because they made the move, and all the right noises. I used to hear it all the time, I was going out with this guy, and this other friend of mine fancied me. He was sat, talking to a mutual friend, saying how he was so much better for me than my then bf, and that why do nice guys never get the girl? Because of that attitude! It's such a turn off! It's like self-pity are us, it's the men that make their nice guy attribute a bad quality because they use it as a reason for why they were dumped/rejected/not noticed. 1 1)women rarely dump a guy simply because he was nice 2) women rarely reject guys on that point alone, normally it's because there's no attraction 3) they are often unnoticed because they are too nice to make an actual play for the girl. It's quite simple really. It's like no man wants a woman who is entirely innocent in every sense of the word do they? Not really, if they are honest. They want a lady on the streets and a freak in the sheets, and the same goes for women. Women want a good, decent guy, who can set boundaries and play the bad guy when necessary, by bad guy, I mean, put his foot down... You said a mouthful. I, as well, want and NEED a man who can "handle me". Women with strong personalities need strong men. Strong CAN encompass niceness and assertiveness(knowing how to handle me).
muse08 Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 It's not my job as man to keep a woman in check. If she can't keep her own self in check she is not the woman for me. I have no daughter and I certainly don't need a grown woman trying to act like one. That being said I think that like attracts like and women who want jerks are often jerks themselves. The type of women you see chasing after the neighborhood bad boy are the ones a decent man does not want anyway. I know what they saw about good girls going for bad boys but there is a huge difference between a genuinely kindhearted woman who knows what love is a naive sheltered girl who is secretly longing to rebel against all of that. Hey woggle! Good seeing you.I knew you'd pop up at some point. Now...you know good and well that a man putting his foot down does NOT equate to a jerk and same goes for women who set boundaries and standards...that doesn't make us a b*tch or stuck up. As a human being, one has to set boundaries of some sort. To which extreme you choose, is up to you. If no boundaries are set then you are a D-O-O-R-M-A-T...and you will begin to train people how to treat you like a DOORMAT. I thought you knew better.
muse08 Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 I'm really not like this in real life. I have an alter ego who's only purpose is to sign onto LS and keep people in check. In real life I'm actually a desolate shell of a man who watches everything from afar and wishes....one day....maybe.....me.....too....... For real?!
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