kimmi Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Has anyone experienced a ex that does not want anything more then friends with you and expresses it non stop but 100% backs off when they find out your dating someone however when things are wrong with you and your new person they take more interest in you again however claiming just as friends. WHY does this happen... and is friendship all they really want or are they lying to themselves?
TheBritishGuy Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Guess he still likes you and doesn't want to see you with other guys.
Author kimmi Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 He makes it very clear that it will never happen that he is happy just the way we are. I have heard that for 7 months and now I am moving on . I still want him as a friend though but he confuses me with this attitude that he has. He says only friends and to move on .. all of his words clearly tells me that he is not interested in anything more then a friendship but his actions are so much more different. I still do not get it. I like someone I tell them, I just want to be friends I tell them. There is no fun area there... GOSH DARN IT
Kantor Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 I think the friends thing is just a cover too, and hes using it as a shield until he wants to be back with you. Sounds like a sham!
carolinawanderer Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 As someone who was dumped a few months ago, I might have the answer to this - It's his way of holding on. He most likely still wants you back. I tried to be friends with my ex right after I got dumped, because I wanted to hold on to her. I wanted her back so badly. I didn't just want to be friends, but I couldn't just let her go, either. Of course, the other possiblity is that he's telling the truth, and that it simply hurts to see you with someone else. Even if he feels like he doesn't want to be back with you, it can still hurt knowing you've moved on.
Author kimmi Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 Something tells me that he truly is not interested in me but on days like today when I have nothing better to do I think about the way that he is towards me and I start to feel different however recent actions always start the conflict... We all go to the bar with our friends, This is a place that he hates but still goes there every weekend. He wanted to leave there and I was not ready so I turned around and said it would be fine for him to leave as I was with friends as well as my sister. He ended up leaving and we continued to dance and have a good time. When we leave I notice his truck still there, He waited in it for like 2 hours for us???? Now right before we left to go to the bar this all happened we had a talk and I expressed that I wanted to start dating him (not living together) just dating and having fun, he said no not happening I like things just the way they are.. Weird I say and confusing me mega It is like this all the time... To me it is confusing as heck to me... Today he called and talked to my daughter because I told him that her dad was ignoring her again and she was hurt about it... (she is 18 and special needs) he called her right away to talk to her and ask her about santa... he then talked to me for a few minutes then had to go (at family and friends tonight) Today I did text him and said I made a mistake and took out the ring you bought me and now i am kinda missing .... he text back missing what I said I thought you would get it but means your asking I am missing you he replied with I am missing you a little too. ( I mentioned the ring because he thinks that I SOLD IT!!!) No way I just do not wear it anymore.. (info from the friends)
Kantor Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 As someone who was dumped a few months ago, I might have the answer to this - It's his way of holding on. He most likely still wants you back. I tried to be friends with my ex right after I got dumped, because I wanted to hold on to her. I wanted her back so badly. I didn't just want to be friends, but I couldn't just let her go, either. Of course, the other possiblity is that he's telling the truth, and that it simply hurts to see you with someone else. Even if he feels like he doesn't want to be back with you, it can still hurt knowing you've moved on. I think either could be true, perhaps both are true. I know when my ex 'moved on' is when it hurt the most for me. It was like a good slap saying, "oh its actually over." Followed by another slap for me saying, "wow, your stupid."
Author kimmi Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 Sometimes I think that I am too honest. I would never tell someone that I want to be with that I do not want to or vise versa . It is hard for me to grasp the thought and the reasons for this kind of game. I know one thing and that's that I try so hard to understand people and reasoning for things that happen and why. I wish that there was more honest people out there however he was never known to me as telling the truth. I know that I do not want to be with him but the way he works questions me so much and sometimes puzzles me that I love getting peoples perspective on this. All answers are interesting ...
GrayClouds Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Sometimes I think that I am too honest. I would never tell someone that I want to be with that I do not want to or vise versa . It is hard for me to grasp the thought and the reasons for this kind of game. I know one thing and that's that I try so hard to understand people and reasoning for things that happen and why. I wish that there was more honest people out there however he was never known to me as telling the truth. I know that I do not want to be with him but the way he works questions me so much and sometimes puzzles me that I love getting peoples perspective on this. All answers are interesting ... So people does such a great job at fooling lying to themselves they think they are not lying to others. In this case though I think he is tyring to keep you on the line as a back up just in case he does not find anything better. If you keep that in mind then it will be easier to stop question yourself. Take care.
Author kimmi Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 Hey Greyclouds, Not to sure if i am questioning myself here or not. I questions the actions compared to the voice of one person in this thread, You have often given me great advise as a lot of people on here. What you said about such a great job at fooling lying to themselves they think they are not lying to others. There is not a person that believes i'm when he talks at all. I'm kinda feeling mad a bit thinking that I believed him when more then likely he was lying. The back burner makes since LOL I use to say that all the time to him and this statement makes me moving forward as I know that I am even a happier journey for me as I have been the back burner in all my relationships except for 2 of them. I left him because of this reason and I felt major disrespect from him and in turn I gave him the same treatment. This is a very helpful thread and I am very happy for posting this. PLease anyone else who wants to put there input in may do so.. :bunny::bunny::bunny:
GrayClouds Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 (edited) Hey Greyclouds, Not to sure if i am questioning myself here or not. I questions the actions compared to the voice of one person in this thread, You have often given me great advise as a lot of people on here. What you said about such a great job at fooling lying to themselves they think they are not lying to others. There is not a person that believes i'm when he talks at all. I'm kinda feeling mad a bit thinking that I believed him when more then likely he was lying. The back burner makes since LOL I use to say that all the time to him and this statement makes me moving forward as I know that I am even a happier journey for me as I have been the back burner in all my relationships except for 2 of them. I left him because of this reason and I felt major disrespect from him and in turn I gave him the same treatment. This is a very helpful thread and I am very happy for posting this. PLease anyone else who wants to put there input in may do so.. :bunny::bunny::bunny: It sounds like your growing as a person and you should be proud of that. Just make sure your keeping the thinking focused on yourself and that growth will continue. I do knot know if you have read these two post be there always a good re-read to keep you motivated: The No Contact Guide So you want a second chance? Make yourself great. ps Thanks for the kind words Edited December 26, 2009 by GrayClouds
Author kimmi Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 I did read them and I continue to read the ones like this ass well the one posted this week Murphy's laws on relationships ... I find this site to be amazing and it really does help in all aspects of life. I keep things realistic in all of this and like I said I am questioning his confusion as to his actions to words. I know that it is very easy to fall back into the "trap" and this is the helpful part as I truly feel talking on here to many people keeps one grounded on the original plan we make for ourselves. If I did not have this site for the night I know that I would be texting him and he would not be responding and I would get upset wondering why and not having anyone to help I would get all freaked out... The readings on here are awesome, The fact that we all get a choice to help others really helps also. Funny how we all go through the same things only at different times in life. Today I even talked about 10 years ago and my mom and dad... Weird but true. I felt really good that my family was held together because of NC..At the time though we had no clue at what NC was we called it sick and tired lol...
Author kimmi Posted December 27, 2009 Author Posted December 27, 2009 One more twist to this I recently found out... Yesterday I was talking with friend that we all went out with about 3 weeks ago and apparently there was a conversation about how I was at the bar that night. Past with the friends- They have known him for over 10 years and met me about 6 years ago, they know the past problems that we had went through and they have always "sided" with him on it. Since we have broken up and he wants us all to be friends I talk to them and have really gotten to like them. (girls and guys) Fast forward to 3 weeks ago, we all went to a bar that I have never been to however had a blast I was really social and danced all night with most of them,(not the ex because he sits being unsocial to everyone). Apparently within the past few days my ex has contacted them adn get really cranky that they were as social as they were with me... WTF??? now my question is I have formed a friendship with both males and females in this, I asked them if they would feel better if we stopped the contact with them, They have all replied with no why would we want that, we like hanging out with you (the now invite me to a lot of things reason: they were very misinformed about me in the past) I know this is going to make him cranky with his friends as he would never say anything about this to me. We do have fun together and we do different things together, (they invited me to there place for Christmas and I declined because I do the Christmas thing on January 7th). I had also invited them here for my Christmas along with a lot of other people. They did except the invite. (ex is not included in this because he said that it is for family and we are not family anymore) I said okay then (the invite was all together not seperate calls) All his friends said yes to coming here and he said no... However now is saying that he is coming here to them not me... They also invited me out last night as well. I declined and the ex said in a text why did you say no to them? I did not respond to the text. Okay should I cut contact with the friends? I just do not need my name being dragged through the mud anymore then has already done. I am very confused over all of this ... It is bugging me a lot that he will not confront me about it but yet he will get very cranky with his friends with the contact that they have with me. I wonder if he takes meds he will level out some how.. (just a joke)
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