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How to unfriend zone a guy?

Confusedalways

By Confusedalways
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Confusedalways Established Member

Confusedalways

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I friend zoned a guy years ago-- but recently have been wanting more. I read a lot about how guys think once they are friend zoned, there is little hope to get out. What can I do to show him that I want more? When we're together I try to flirt, and he does flirt back, but I think that is just the nature of our good friendship.

 

Have I screwed myself entirely? Please tell me not all is lost :(

rateyes Established Member

rateyes

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ask him out...and make sure to tell him its not as friends..

Pizzaman81 Established Member

Pizzaman81

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I friend zoned a guy years ago-- but recently have been wanting more. I read a lot about how guys think once they are friend zoned, there is little hope to get out. What can I do to show him that I want more? When we're together I try to flirt, and he does flirt back, but I think that is just the nature of our good friendship.

 

Have I screwed myself entirely? Please tell me not all is lost :(

 

It's easy, kiss him.

carhill Established Member

carhill

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Well, if he is single and available, ramping up your normal physical affection, along with the flirting, will likely cause him to go 'hmmm'. IMO, the trick with these spark gone platonic deals is they need a jump-start to get the spark back. Yes, there's still flirting, but it becomes a different *feeling* and that is what needs to change for him, just like it did for you. You're likely ahead of him right now, or even in a different universe :)

 

IMO, let your actions lead, and then, if he does the 'what's going on?' thing, explain a bit about why you've been feeling a bit more frisky of late. If, after that, he's still clueless or not interested, then I guess you have reaped what you have sown. For myself, this type of approach would impel me to inquire 'shall we go out for dinner this Friday and explore this further?'.

 

I'm offering this advice based on you wanting a relationship with him, not to merely use him between other relationships. BTDT. I'm also presuming you like the man to lead in a relationship. Good luck :)

Edited by carhill
alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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What can I do to show him that I want more?

you can agree to sleep with him...instant unfriendzoning

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Confusedalways Established Member

Confusedalways

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Well, if he is single and available, ramping up your normal physical affection, along with the flirting, will likely cause him to go 'hmmm'. IMO, the trick with these spark gone platonic deals is they need a jump-start to get the spark back. Yes, there's still flirting, but it becomes a different *feeling* and that is what needs to change for him, just like it did for you. You're likely ahead of him right now, or even in a different universe :)

 

IMO, let your actions lead, and then, if he does the 'what's going on?' thing, explain a bit about why you've been feeling a bit more frisky of late. If, after that, he's still clueless or not interested, then I guess you have reaped what you have sown. For myself, this type of approach would impel me to inquire 'shall we go out for dinner this Friday and explore this further?'.

 

I'm offering this advice based on you wanting a relationship with him, not to merely use him between other relationships. BTDT. I'm also presuming you like the man to lead in a relationship. Good luck :)

 

Thanks carhill, this is sound advice. Your assumptions are correct- I'm not trying to 'use' him and I do want the man to lead. I guess I just need to get over feeling shy and really ramp up the flirting.

carhill Established Member

carhill

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I love Alpha to death, but, if a long-time female friend went right to the sleeping part I'd be mortified, simply because I'd be in the wrong place emotionally. If you've been friends with this guy a long time, he's not a personality which just will flip on the 'do her doggie' switch in an instant. It's just not his psychology. This presumes he processed and dissolved his attraction long ago. In essence, you're in his friendzone too.

 

Tell me the extent of your physical and emotional contact. Do you hug, kiss, use terms of endearment, shake hands, rub noses, etc. ;) Ramp those up and make it more sexual than affectionate. I presume you can delineate physical affection from sexual physical affection; we're looking to fix his mind's eye on the latter.

 

You can always 'talk' to him or 'ask him out' but that would contravene your desire for him to lead romantically. How would you handle this if you were both single and didn't have all that 'insider friendship' stuff? Go with that. Lucky him :D

jerbear Established Member

jerbear

Posted
Posted
I friend zoned a guy years ago-- but recently have been wanting more. I read a lot about how guys think once they are friend zoned, there is little hope to get out. What can I do to show him that I want more? When we're together I try to flirt, and he does flirt back, but I think that is just the nature of our good friendship.

 

Have I screwed myself entirely? Please tell me not all is lost :(

 

I had an "friend" who friendzoned me, years ago. Well we have escalated recently and what she did was be more flirty and even reach and touch me; not in the usual locations. She pretty much reached out and grabbed me and said I want these; similar to what Alpha mentioned. It helps that we both have, as Carhill mentioned, inside information.

 

For me, from her actions and words, we pretty much have game on! So she is out of my friendzone and took me out of her friendzone.

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Confusedalways Established Member

Confusedalways

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I love Alpha to death, but, if a long-time female friend went right to the sleeping part I'd be mortified, simply because I'd be in the wrong place emotionally. If you've been friends with this guy a long time, he's not a personality which just will flip on the 'do her doggie' switch in an instant. It's just not his psychology. This presumes he processed and dissolved his attraction long ago. In essence, you're in his friendzone too.

 

Tell me the extent of your physical and emotional contact. Do you hug, kiss, use terms of endearment, shake hands, rub noses, etc. ;) Ramp those up and make it more sexual than affectionate. I presume you can delineate physical affection from sexual physical affection; we're looking to fix his mind's eye on the latter.

 

You can always 'talk' to him or 'ask him out' but that would contravene your desire for him to lead romantically. How would you handle this if you were both single and didn't have all that 'insider friendship' stuff? Go with that. Lucky him :D

 

Ah, thanks. This is really putting it into perspective- I am well aware that I am very likely also in his friend zone- which sucks. We've been friends for about 10 years, not always with constant communication. Our physical contact is mostly hugging, and playfully shoving/ jabbing/ head rubbing- you know the drill. When we watch movies we keep to our own sides of the couch, besides the occasional tapping of the 'did you see that part' kind of thing. Emotionally speaking we talk a lot, sometimes for hours, about various things including current romantic interests :o. We are both single which is good- but you're right in the sense that maybe I just need to forget that fact that we're friends and try that approach...

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Confusedalways Established Member

Confusedalways

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She pretty much reached out and grabbed me and said I want these; similar to what Alpha mentioned. It helps that we both have, as Carhill mentioned, inside information.

 

Unfortunately I am way too shy for this kind of thing! Plus, I think he would be really taken aback as he isn't really that kind of person to begin with.

carhill Established Member

carhill

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Good relevant thread

 

Carry on! :)

 

Oh, also, with memory refreshed, I don't think you're that firmly in his friendzone, TBH

Edited by carhill
jerbear Established Member

jerbear

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Unfortunately I am way too shy for this kind of thing! Plus, I think he would be really taken aback as he isn't really that kind of person to begin with.

 

If this helps, then great. :)

When I first met her, she was the alpha and I was the beta. Long story we ended up in each other's friendzones.

 

I too was taken back with what she did. BUT what I did was let her and said she can stick her hands down my pants; I tried to guide her hand down my pants. Can't say I didn't try but yes I was taken back. So yes, we both crossed the line and we both know.

 

Anyway I've gotten more "alpha" traits and she knew my temperament; plus I was actively pursuing others and almost got an relationship. Well she bought something up, and with inside information; I'm sure that conversation gave her a signal to be an alpha. Hence, she grabbed me and I allowed her.

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Confusedalways Established Member

Confusedalways

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HAHA oh, wow! These are actually different people. I clearly have this problem a lot. Although the last guy and I did go out on a few dates, eventually. I broke it off with him for the guy who THIS thread is about, incidentally :o

jerbear Established Member

jerbear

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HAHA oh, wow! These are actually different people. I clearly have this problem a lot. Although the last guy and I did go out on a few dates, eventually. I broke it off with him for the guy who THIS thread is about, incidentally :o

 

Good luck with THIS guy :)

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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I love Alpha to death, but, if a long-time female friend went right to the sleeping part I'd be mortified, simply because I'd be in the wrong place emotionally.

screw emotions this is about genitals

carhill Established Member

carhill

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screw emotions this is about genitals

My cat agrees with you (I asked) but long time friends have emotional investments which need to be respected, lest one party or the other be left at a disadvantage.

 

Example. 'You didn't want me all these years. Why now?' 'If we had been meant to be together why wouldn't it have happened years ago?

 

As a guy who slept with four in the summer of '97, your brain doesn't work that way. You're also not friends with women who won't f*ck you and whom you want to f*ck. This guy was and is. It's different for him, just like you're different from me. We're all different.

 

The OP already said she isn't going to be overtly sexual and wants him to lead. That's reasonable. How do we get there?

jerbear Established Member

jerbear

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The OP already said she isn't going to be overtly sexual and wants him to lead. That's reasonable. How do we get there?
She has inside information which can help her get him to lead.

 

She might have to get by her shyness and make a move which can get him to lead.

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

Posted
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... but long time friends have emotional investments which need to be respected, lest one party or the other be left at a disadvantage.

 

Example. 'You didn't want me all these years. Why now?' 'If we had been meant to be together why wouldn't it have happened years ago?

which is why one doesn't become "friends" with the opposite sex in the first place...

carhill Established Member

carhill

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OK, have her tell him that :D

 

Seriously, what inside information should she use? Now that she's indicated it's not the friend she had in the last thread (she must have a harem ;) ), I'm less clear how to do this than before. That other guy was just circling. Orbit male. :)

jerbear Established Member

jerbear

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Seriously, what inside information should she use? Now that she's indicated it's not the friend she had in the last thread (she must have a harem ;) ), I'm less clear how to do this than before. That other guy was just circling. Orbit male. :)

Well she knows about him and intentions. Yeah, he might be an orbit male or she might be an orbit female.

 

I wish both of them the best.

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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That other guy was just circling. Orbit male. :)

she must be fairly heavy to have guys in orbit

carhill Established Member

carhill

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No, I meant the guy in the other thread. This is a different 'friend'.

 

When all else fails, fall back to the precept that men typically appreciate clear and direct communication.

 

Balance the potential gains and losses and make a decision. You do know that you're changing this friendship forever, right? Accept that consequence as a given and you're good to go :)

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