pureveritas Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 K...condensed version. I've dated this guy for 3 years..let him and his child move in after 6 months (yeah ..I know). I've since bought a house (me only) of course they both "come with" and things are okay for a while until I realize I'm doing all the "taking care" of things, house, cooking, bills, etc...financially bearing the majority of the burden as well..he moves in child #2 (older one) It's to the point I was feeling like a guest in my own home and supporting this other "family"..mind you I have children of my own...repeated "discussions" on said subject matter ensue. Nothing changes. In if nothing more than pure self preservation I let him know he and his children need to move out. My resources are being sapped, I'm starting to feel resentful, taken advantage of and so forth. I don't hate the man, just realize we don't "gel" on certain beliefs, core values, responsibilities, etc...and it's pretty apparent things will not change. I've got 3 years invested at this point. It's an amicable split most certainly, albeit a bit awkward. Here's the hard part. Does that mean it's "over" ? Is it possible to really still continue "dating" after taking such a large backwards step? I foresee it will evolve into a gradual "drifting apart"....it's odd territory. We've both talked about it and agree we're not sure how this works ! See my dilemma???? anyone??!!
Author pureveritas Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 I'm starting to feel resentful, taken advantage of and so forth. I don't hate the man, just realize we don't "gel" on certain beliefs, core values, responsibilities, etc...and it's pretty apparent things will not change Okay...so I just re-read my post. Wow...I think I answered myself ! What would be the point of continuing to date him? durrr...
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Okay...so I just re-read my post. Wow...I think I answered myself ! What would be the point of continuing to date him? durrr... LOL Smart lady! It didn't sound worth the wasted attraction, IMO.
knaveman Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Okay...so I just re-read my post. Wow...I think I answered myself ! What would be the point of continuing to date him? durrr... Exactly, why continue to date someone you can't live with? I've been in your position before, it is very awkward and no matter how amicable it is you best bet is to be alone for a while.
TaraMaiden Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 You just did three wise things in a row: One: asked him to move out. Two: thought about things logically. Three: You re-read your own post. Many people don't do this. Many people miss the answers in their own requests. Many people simply don't see that everything they need to know - they already know. Good for you! So - have they moved out? let us know how you get on.....
Author pureveritas Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 He's found a great 3 bedroom apt for them all and will be moving next weekend. He really is a decent man and I still find him highly attractive physically. Both of which I think overshadowed things for me for a long time... This is the first "long term" relationship I've had since my divorce from my husband of 20 years -- so to have it end in "failure" per se is difficult. Pretty sure I'll need to just focus on the job, the kids, the finances and myself for a bit before even remotely contemplating dating again...ick. Or maybe I'll just bring out the old rocker, put an afghan and 3 cats on my lap, drink gin and smoke menthols !!??
TaraMaiden Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 better than smoking an afghan, spilling gin on the cats and drinking menthol.....
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