trueluV Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 I'm so frustrated about my situation with a guy I've been seeing since last summer. we're not serious, and due to his and my "shyness" (we're both non-u.s. born asians) we never really had anything physical other than a hug and some arm touching. so, we've been going out for a while, casually, and he seems quite engaged in conversations with me all the time, pays for me, suggests meeting up, and I've already been to his place a few times and cooked for him. (no sleep over or kiss or anything like that.) anyway, i met him again a few days ago for dinner and drinks and seemed like we shared a good time, which ended with a good night hug. the thing is, i've been so patient with this guy, i understand he's shy and i'm shy expressing things physically but come on, can't he express something somehow so at least i know he's interested in me or pursuing something more than a friendship! so i got frustrated and i wrote an email to him, nothing pushy or direct, but put it out there in a subtle way so he knows i am interested in him (not just meeting him to kill time or whatever) and suggested I cook for him sometime during this holiday. -and-i haven't heard from him since! he's very good at replying to my texts and email asap, but maybe he wanted to "think" this time? while we were having dinner that night when i suggested cooking for him he seemed happy and said it's a great idea. anyway, it's supposed to be a happy holiday season and now i'm so frustrated. Guys, how should i interpret this? I'm even scared to read his email when he sends one!
Pizzaman81 Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 I'm so frustrated about my situation with a guy I've been seeing since last summer. we're not serious, and due to his and my "shyness" (we're both non-u.s. born asians) we never really had anything physical other than a hug and some arm touching. so, we've been going out for a while, casually, and he seems quite engaged in conversations with me all the time, pays for me, suggests meeting up, and I've already been to his place a few times and cooked for him. (no sleep over or kiss or anything like that.) anyway, i met him again a few days ago for dinner and drinks and seemed like we shared a good time, which ended with a good night hug. the thing is, i've been so patient with this guy, i understand he's shy and i'm shy expressing things physically but come on, can't he express something somehow so at least i know he's interested in me or pursuing something more than a friendship! so i got frustrated and i wrote an email to him, nothing pushy or direct, but put it out there in a subtle way so he knows i am interested in him (not just meeting him to kill time or whatever) and suggested I cook for him sometime during this holiday. -and-i haven't heard from him since! he's very good at replying to my texts and email asap, but maybe he wanted to "think" this time? while we were having dinner that night when i suggested cooking for him he seemed happy and said it's a great idea. anyway, it's supposed to be a happy holiday season and now i'm so frustrated. Guys, how should i interpret this? I'm even scared to read his email when he sends one! Did you flirt with him? Didn't you do anything I tell you young lady!? I say you make a move. Have you and him ever sat together alone watching a movie at the house or something? Do you two both live with parents place? I need details! Here's the thing, you really want to know, and he's not giving out the answer through subtle means. The question is, WHEN do you want to know and are you prepared for both the negative and positive outcome of knowing?
carhill Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Is pre-marital sex frowned upon in your culture? Also, is he spending time with his family over the holidays? Since you haven't been through a holiday period with him, and you state you're 'not serious', I'd table things until the holiday is over. Then, set a clear timeline in your mind for progression and, if not fulfilled, move on. Let him know you're interested in a serious relationship (in general) and enjoy his company. He's an adult and can add. If he says he is too, tell him specifically what would indicate to you that he's serious (kissing, holding hands, intimate embraces, sex, whatever). Be specific as to what would cause you to become satisfied with the seriousness of the relationship. Then, watch his actions, mindful of your timeline. Be receptive.
Author trueluV Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 Did you flirt with him? Didn't you do anything I tell you young lady!? I say you make a move. Have you and him ever sat together alone watching a movie at the house or something? Do you two both live with parents place? I need details! Here's the thing, you really want to know, and he's not giving out the answer through subtle means. The question is, WHEN do you want to know and are you prepared for both the negative and positive outcome of knowing? hey pizzaman, yes, i did listen to you and touched his arm last time! i touched and put a little pressure on a bit while we were talking, but he didn't respond nor resist, and i stopped. okay, the details? we don't live with our parents -we're way too old for that, but when we meet it's usually having dinner and drinks, so unless we go to a bar, we don't get to sit close to each other, and plus pda would be another issue here. what other details would you like to know? and as you've mentioned, i really want to and have to know how he thinks of me or if this is going somewhere-there's no special reason for that but isn't it natural to be curious when we've been going on dates for a few months? i mean, what if he's just meeting me up and trying to know me as a new friend whereas i think we're more than that-then i'd be making a total fool out of myself. i just want us to be on the same page. if he wants to be friends with me, i'll think about it if i can handle that, otherwise i can move on to someone else who can give affection back to me. though my heart would break... or should i just leave it as now and keep meeting him and see how things go? we've first met in summer, and it's now winter... he told me he's taking two weeks off, and i might not be a priority to him, but i should be something somehow, and him wanting to see me (or not) during his break would be an indication of his level of interest. what do you think? and how can i know what he thinks of me? please help me out. thanks! :bunny
Pizzaman81 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 hey pizzaman, yes, i did listen to you and touched his arm last time! i touched and put a little pressure on a bit while we were talking, but he didn't respond nor resist, and i stopped. Good job! I'm so proud of you... really I am. Ok, time to lay down the law. You must know! Therefore you must take the following action. If you just let it be, you will never figure out what he's thinking if he doesn't do anything after 1 year or so. Can you break away yourself without resolution or just cling on in hopes something would happen. Therefore you must know and you must find out. Time to show him who's the man in this couple, and it's not him. Tell him you are interested in him more than a friend and say, "I am unable to figure out what you think of me, show me something or let me know how you feel about me" Beware, if it's a negative response, your friendship would be in jeopardy. But the thing is, you want something more, if he's not on the same page... or ever, then what can you do? How old are you anyway? And how did you meet a guy as shy as you?
Yukikazi Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 he told me he's taking two weeks off, and i might not be a priority to him, but i should be something somehow, and him wanting to see me (or not) during his break would be an indication of his level of interest. what do you think? and how can i know what he thinks of me? please help me out. thanks! :bunny This isn't a good sign I'm afraid. Have you seen him since we chatted in that other persons thread or is this a retelling of your previous one? I can't tell if you seen him again cause this post sounds like the same situation prior to what I told you to do last. Honestly I think you may need to start kneecapping your feelings for this guy. Being shy is 1 thing but this guy seems like a dead fish. If he still isn't getting a clue and wants 2 weeks off and actually told you , you wouldn't be a priority.. you need to walk away hun.. I am starting to doubt this will get any better. You are absolutly positive this guy isn't just gay?
Author trueluV Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 How old are you anyway? And how did you meet a guy as shy as you? hahah, thanks for your suggestions again. about the age thing, I think i know how old you are -seen it somewhere, so i'd say both the guy and i are around your age, the guy's slightly younger. btw, this guy doesn't look like a shy guy at all, and i guess this is the problem. if he looked shy as he is, then i can totally lead, but he seems very sociable and outgoing when we're having conversations, but then he told me straight up one time he's shy, and obviously his behavior reflects that. we met through friends who set us up. his best friend and my friend decided to set us up on a blind date last summer, and the guy called me and we decided to meet. that's how it all started.... i'm still waiting for his email, and somehow i'm prepared for the worst (him "politely" ending things- 'backing off'). I even thought how to reply to that! yes, on a christmas day, that was on my mind! anyway, pizzaman, thanks a lot all the time..please bear with me :)
Author trueluV Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 and wants 2 weeks off and actually told you , you wouldn't be a priority.. you need to walk away hun.. I am starting to doubt this will get any better. You are absolutly positive this guy isn't just gay? I'm 99.99% sure he's not gay, but his friend told me he hasn't "approached" a girl before, he had (very few) girlfriends, but the girls approached him. (according to his best friend since college) and the 2 weeks thing, he told me while we were having dinner that he'll take 2 weeks off from work, so that time i suggested cooking for him and he said it sounds great. the email i sent was of course after the dinner, thanking him + expressing (in a very subtle way) i enjoy time with him, and a few days has past and i haven't heard from him. he told me he was going away for christmas.
Yukikazi Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 How long are you willing to remain in this situation? Maybe you should ask his friend wtf the deal is.. is this guy afraid of women or something? So he is taking 2 weeks off work for the holidays.. went out of town and told you, that you would not be a priority during that time? Yes or no?
boogieboy Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 This will never go anywhere until YOU make the move.
Pizzaman81 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 ...anyway, pizzaman, thanks a lot all the time..please bear with me ya we're rooting for you. Remember when you feel alone, you got ME... the fantastic amazing ME... MUAHAHAHA. Internet is great
Author trueluV Posted December 28, 2009 Author Posted December 28, 2009 I'm now starting to doubt and wonder if this guy is gay.... he might not realize it, but maybe he has the potential. otherwise, how can he not have approached a girl before, and he is in his late 20's. I'm starting to analyze things. he dated girls who only approached him till now-that's what his best friend told me. we enjoyed conversations but maybe because he was gay, he still could tell me "everything" without having any feelings for me. i know guys open up and start talking about their family or close friends when they trust or start to like the girl, but i don't see this in my case. maybe i'm a buddy to him. anyway, i still haven't heard from him since my last email, and i'm not really expecting a whole lot now, but this emptiness made me wonder if this dude has the potential of being gay ...
sagetalk Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 How in the world has this guy strung you out this long. He must know something I don't. I can't imagine taking that long and the girl is still into me .
You'reasian Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Sounds like he doesn't see you that way. My gf and I hit it off pretty quick. She's not asian...
Pizzaman81 Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 ...She's not asian... How is that relevant?
boogieboy Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 i know guys open up and start talking about their family or close friends when they trust or start to like the girl, but i don't see this in my case. maybe i'm a buddy to him. Yeah but has he ever asked you any deep questions about you? Is he curious about you as a person at all?
Pizzaman81 Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 I'm now starting to doubt and wonder if this guy is gay.... he might not realize it, but maybe he has the potential. otherwise, how can he not have approached a girl before, and he is in his late 20's. I'm starting to analyze things. he dated girls who only approached him till now-that's what his best friend told me. we enjoyed conversations but maybe because he was gay, he still could tell me "everything" without having any feelings for me. i know guys open up and start talking about their family or close friends when they trust or start to like the girl, but i don't see this in my case. maybe i'm a buddy to him. anyway, i still haven't heard from him since my last email, and i'm not really expecting a whole lot now, but this emptiness made me wonder if this dude has the potential of being gay ... Now that i think of it, just drop him. Move onto the next one.
Author trueluV Posted December 28, 2009 Author Posted December 28, 2009 Yeah but has he ever asked you any deep questions about you? Is he curious about you as a person at all? yes, i do think our conversations were pretty intense and he asked a lot about me. we haven't talked about past relationships, but other than that we've talked about a lot of stuff-including family and close friends, and even how much we make! so when i think about the intensity of the conversation i think he is interested in me, since we have long dinners while talking, in a nice restaurant -which he chooses and pays all the time, but then lack of physical contact and no flirting made me confused. i think i thought he was interested in me because we kept going on dates and by the conversations we shared. but maybe i was wrong...
Author trueluV Posted December 28, 2009 Author Posted December 28, 2009 Now that i think of it, just drop him. Move onto the next one. yeah,,i think i'm ready to drop this- though it's sad for me. I've really liked this guy, and hoped things would progress, but I'm not seeing anything.
Yukikazi Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 yeah,,i think i'm ready to drop this- though it's sad for me. I've really liked this guy, and hoped things would progress, but I'm not seeing anything. Sorry its not working out how you want it to luV. But there are other guys out there that would be more then enthusiastic to date you.
Vasto_Lorde Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 yes, i do think our conversations were pretty intense and he asked a lot about me. we haven't talked about past relationships, but other than that we've talked about a lot of stuff-including family and close friends, and even how much we make! so when i think about the intensity of the conversation i think he is interested in me, since we have long dinners while talking, in a nice restaurant -which he chooses and pays all the time, but then lack of physical contact and no flirting made me confused. i think i thought he was interested in me because we kept going on dates and by the conversations we shared. but maybe i was wrong... There may be other explanations for the physical stuff. For example, I hardly ever get physical with my dates. I'm celibate and have been for a while and I don't like to initiate things I'm not prepared for. So while I may not get very physical with my date, that doesn't mean I'm not interested in that person.
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