Vampire Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Dear Friends, I can lie to everybody else and wear a plastic smile so long that it hurts. I can say "Yeah I'm fine" and grin like an insane person, 'til I hear "Well if you're sure" in predicted response. I can do everything but lie to you guys. We're in the same boat, right? So with that, allow me to advise those who are feeling good today, to leave this post and come back to it when you're not feeling so good. Today, is the first Christmas in 10 years that I have spent apart from my fiance and the son I raised as my own. My son, for that is how I saw him, hasn't sent a card, hasn't phoned, has killed all contact, and has long since stopped taking my calls as it makes his mothers life easier. None of the 'family' have remembered me or if they have, they've chosen to ignore me. Today, I'm running on autopilot. I felt a few tears wanting to escape but refused to open the windows for them to spill out of. But I've sat and thought a thousand times, "Are you even thinking of me today, Butterfly? Did it even feel remotely strange that I wasn't there with you when you woke up this morning? Are you waking up with another man?" The thoughts come and go. Mostly they come and refuse to leave. I can't believe just how much this hurts. It'll have been 6 months on December 29th since we split after 10 years and 19 days together.. We would've have been celebrating our first year as an engaged couple on December 31st. No Contact. Yeah, I understand that concept and have been doing it since October 28th, but to make sure my boy doesn't have any contact just so that you can safely move 300 miles up north without me even daring to suggest otherwise to him? I love you. But I hope to God one day karma takes a big chunk out of you for what you've done. We always promise ourselves "Next Year", but you know what? "Next Year" never comes; just the return of the same old phantom dream. I dreamt of her last night and it was oh so real again. I've spent all of 5 minutes with my mother today, but then that was so obviously going to happen as it always has in the past. I've never felt so alone in my life. Some of you may be feeling the same. I feel your pain brothers and sisters. Sincerely Yours Vampire P.S: The song says it all. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUbEQe5JwEE&feature=related
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